amber98

I just found out my ex AB called his boss and told him his father had a heart attack and he will not be into work for the next couple of days. His father is healthy and living well. How could someone, especially your own child say something so evil so he can get out of work? I imagine he lied so he could either binge drink, or had one hell of a hangover and decided he needs his beauty sleep. Is it normal for alcoholics to lie to this extreme? After losing his mother five years ago (she died from a heart attack) you would think he would have some compassion for his own father. I know he hates his father for leaving his mother (he too was an alcoholic). I

Also, my ex AB complains of being tired all of the time. Is this part of the disease? It almost sounds like depression. Do alcoholics become more depressed as they hit the later stage of their drinking?

Sorry I keep posting! Friends, my family and his family don't want to discuss his behavior. They're all waiting for him to hit rock bottom. Reality is, he may never hit his bottom. I hate to see him distance himself from his family, especailly his father.

Minx1969

Hi Amber -

Your post is all about him, him, him.

What about you? what are you doing with your life instead of focusing on him and his disease?

Go back and read "what addicts do". It's a sticky.

yes..they lie to get to their next drink or drug.

amber98

Minx1969, thank you for the wake up call.

I know it doesn't appear I'm taking care of me, but I am. I'm trying to move forward, but then things like this happen and I get sucked up in all the drama that goes along with it.

Minx1969

it's easy to get caught up in the drama if we let ourselves.

much better to detach and take care of ourselves.

denny57

amber, he is your "ex", right?

amber98

Yes, he's my ex. Why?

denny57

The question I ask myself: why am I concerning myself with this? How do you get this info? I found I couldn't stay in contact with anyone who might be able to share this info with me.

If you want to stay involved, that's another story.

amber98

My ex's boss called me to confirm whether his father had a heart attack or not. The boss already had his own suspicisions and called me to get the truth. His boss is an enabler and will continue to put up with his behavior. Yeah, I know...it's not my problem to deal with. You're all right about detaching myself from him and the situation. You have to understand I have a fresh wound (it's only been less than two months) The last two years with my ex was all drama. I just have to make the choice whether or not I need to get off the merry-go-round and get on with my life. It's not easy letting go!!!!

I still have a lot of contact with my ex's family. They are like my family so I can't just write them off because I'm no longer with my ex.

FriendofBill

curious...what did you tell the boss?

Truth? or covered for him?

amber98

I told the boss the truth. My days of being an enabler are over!!!! I just wish his boss would fire his druken a** instead of feeling sorry for him. I think my ex and his boss are both using each other. It will only be a matter of time before something happens with his job.

Zoey

To answer your questions, Yes, we lie. Yes, A drunk is a drunk, sometimes, but not always.
Guess I have learned there is always exceptions with humans. I guess 2+2 is still 4??

I wanted a black and white world, and a right and wrong way to do everything. I still get sad because there is no black and white. No right and wrong in dealing with humans.

Evil??? IMO we can never know anothers thoughts or heart.
I know I could do evil things, sometimes I plot to kill. SMILE

I still ask questions though, even when I know there is no answer.

Take care of you! ((HUGS))

splendra

I have allowed myself to be sucked into so much drama that I should be a liquid instead of a solid but still...I am the only one who can make me become solid and stop flowing with the tide of the dramas that try to wash me out to the sea of chaos that my addicts constantly have going on. I have four addicts in my life and it ain't pretty especially if I go to worrying about the choices they make...

I don't have to go there I like to stay off the beach when I see the storm coming...

Grasshopper

I can only get sucked into drama,when i play my part in it.
To detache with love.
When hub was active,his,Boss called up looking for my hub,and asking,me, questions about him.My answer was simple,,you need to,ask him,i said.Im not playing any part into this,was what i was thinking back then.Hands off.
Desperate lies,to get out of work?.My hub,would tell his boss that his head just came of his shoulders and that he needed to go to the hospital,if he thought that the boss would believe it.I saw this as desperate,not evil.The question for me,was,why do i expect sick folks to act and behave as if they are well?
Let go,let God.Allow the conquences to happen.Doing this,hub eventually came to his bottom.

InLimbo

I have overheard My AF call sick into work and use all kind of lies. Usually when he does this he is still drunk from the night before.
I never say anything. Its not my business or my problem. When he sobers up after sleeping the day away I can see the guilt is eating him alive!

LIFEOUTTHERE

My AH called in and said his mother had a stoke. I thought he was at work and I had to call and talk to him for whatever reason. When I called they said he was at the hospital with his mother, so I go to all the hospitals in the area, insisting that she is at one of them. Boy did I look like to fool.

BohemiMamaof3

My Abrother lies about everything. I have begun to suspect his lies are more than what an alcoholic or addict would do to cover their behind, get out of trouble, etc. So I think the lie your AXB told is rather typical. He’s making an excuse that will get him out of work and sympathy to boot (he thinks). My Abrother, was supposedly in recovery, and attending a family member’s church. He told a girl he began dating there, and many others it turns out, that he owned my mom’s home and she was an alcoholic mooching mess who lived off of him. Actually it was the other way around. Then he told other much more hurtful things, libelous, in fact. So I wonder where alcoholic lies turn into evil lies. I’m trying to sort that out. Anyway, I have to agree with those who replied to you earlier - be thankful he’s your EX, and get some help for yourself and a happier more sane and secure future without the A drama.

amber98

Thank you everyone for your advice. You're all right about me staying out of the EXAB's drama. It's only been two months since all this has happened so I'm dealing with fresh wounds. Last week, was a tough week, but I believe with God's help I got through it. I'm moving on with my life...taking day by day. I know I'll have good days and bad days...that's for certain. I'm so done with the drama and everything else that goes along with this illness. I've done a lot of praying and soul searching within to find a way to forgive this man for what he has done to me. I think in order to move on I must forgive him. I just pray for him to seek recovery. There is no hope for us to ever restore our relationship, but there may be hope for him. I love him unconditionally, which means no matter what he did to me I still want him better. I was pretty harsh assuming my exAB is evil. I guess it's hard for me to relate to someone who can make up such horrible lies. It's almost like he's possessed, but I guess that's the addiction, right? My ex was at one time the most sweetest, wonderful man ever!!!! I was the luckiest girl having him in my life. I do feel blessed he was part of my life, just wish things could have turned out differently. I'm done going back and forth in my head trying to figure out why this happened, but only God knows the answer to that.

TexasGirl

Amber, it probably took a lot of courage to end the relationship in the first place, so I have no doubt that you have the strength to get through the "tough weeks." You're doing great.

What a great analogy...thanks for sharing that.