Hurting Inside

Ok so my mom was drinking tonight. My grandma (my moms-mom) is over at our house to help her out. My dads out of town till friday. So my mom comes home and she got a bottle while she was out. Shes been sober for like a week. So of course my grandma smells it and so do i and she starts freaking out on her. and i head to my room.

My grandma comes in my room. and shes yelling and is all pissed off. And she keeps telling me how mad she is at her. Seeing my grandma freak out really showed me something... she showed me that I really dont care anymore.I cant control my mom and no matter what i do its her choice to quit. I mean in some ways i do actually care(like when she gets violent or starts yellingand calling people things.) The only thing i told my grandma is theres nothing we can do, its up to her.

I dont see how i couldnt see that it really hasnt bothered me lately. I swear it was that alateen meeting. I guess having a family member in the house that hasnt actually lived with her while shes drinking. Really showed me that.
Thats it, just wanted to share this discovery with you all.

Well Take Care everyone,

Ashley

best

Good for you Ashley.

The way your grandmother treated your mom...does it look familiar?
Did you see anything that could have been showing you how your mom may have learned things?
What I am trying to point out...when your mom yells, maybe that is all she knows?

cwohio

that's a big thing to realize at such a young age - good for you! keep going to alateen! take care ashley - big hugs!!!

denny57

That's great, Ash. It could be the meeting, for sure.

I had to learn that it was ok to care, but not so ok to try to control it - the disease. I came to realize detaching from the disease didn't mean stopping loving or caring. I learned how to use my caring in a better way.

We learn in Al-Anon that as we change, it sometimes leads to others around us changing.

Good for you!

FormerDoormat

Ashley, detaching from someone you love doesn't mean not caring--I know you care very much about your mother. It means we let go of the things we can't change--like her drinking.

Instead of hiding in your room when your mother drinks, is there something more enjoyable that you could do instead? Like spending time with a girlfriend, taking your dog (if you have one) for a walk, going to the mall, baking some homemade cookies, reading a good book, or writing in a journal?

Detaching doesn't mean we have to imprison ourselves in our room, it means letting go of the chaos and escaping to a more nurturing place.

I hope you're planning to attend some additional Alanon or Alateen meetings. I think they might help you a great deal.

Janitw

Ashley - 1 meeting and see? Progress already!!!! Great job - you just demonstrated a form of detachment. Awsome...

(((hugs)))

Janit

mallowcup

I'm sure your wisdom will help grandma to realize what she already knows in her heart. Your grandmas heart must break over this, just like yours. It's good you can talk to each other and reassure each other that there really is nothing you can do to stop the drinking.