fortstewart

Hello everyone i am new here trying to see of someone could shed some light on my problem my ex and mother of my child we have know each other for 20yrs now since we were 10 she started doing drugs when she was 15 we never dated each other untill about 5 yrs ago we had great times and a beautiful child through our relationship we argued about here using and it would slow down and sometimes stop but the past year it got worse we fought about it alot trying to get her to go get help our fighting was constant about it so we split and she wen to her parents but we stayed in contact and tried work something out so she decided to go to rehab which wonderful so she went we had a fight 2 days before she went cause she wanted money to go by some i refused to give so you says she hates me and goes to rehab i received 1 letter like the first week she was there was a nice letter on how she felt and she missed me and kids and loved us then i never heard a thing back form her i wrote her alot but never got a response so she was in there 90 days and she come out she didnt call when she got out it went for about a month and she saw my parents and she says she hasnt called cause she was afraid and didnt know what to say but she finally called yesterday she sounded great and said she loved me and missed me and that she wasnt seeing anyone or dating but said she wasnt ready to see me and im clueless on why i have read about rehab and what it takes and everything and you go thourgh and its not good to start a new relationship but i dont consider us being a new relationship we have a child togehter we lived toogether for 5 yrs know each other 20yrs can anyone help to shed some light on this for me about where she is coming from

StandingStrong

It seems to be a little slow here tonight as it is sometimes on the weekends but I'm sure that you'll get some great replies from others with experience in this type of situation.
I don't have any personal experience with a person in a relationship that has actually gone through rehab, but I know that others here have.
I just wanted to welcome you to SR and let you know that someone was listening.

FormerDoormat

Most newly recovering alcoholics are very fragile emotionally and physically and they need to focus ALL their energy on staying well and staying sober. Just because they've completed a rehab program doesn't mean they're ready to re-enter society. There are too many temptations to return to their old ways.

And just because they've completed a rehab program doesn't mean they're strong enough to stay away from drugs and alcohol or other people who are still induling in a similar lifestyle, like their friends, so they stay somewhere where they feel safe, a place without temptations, where they can focus only on continuing with their recovery, attend AA or NA meetings, and keep to themselves or surround themselves with other recovering addicts.

It may seem that she's being selfish, and in a way she is, but it's the only way that she can get clean and stay clean. I think a lot of people mistakengly believe that all will be well with their addict partners once they complete a 90-day rehabilitation program. But the truth is, that's just the first step in a life-long recovery process.

The question you have to ask yourself is how long are you willing to wait for your girlfriend to get well? And what if she's never able to get well? A good place to find the answers you're seeking here is Alanon or Naranon. You can find a meeting in your area on SoberRecovery's home page.

Perhaps a few recovering addicts will also chime in here. They can give you a true picture of what it's like to be a newly recovering addict.