mtmama

As you remember, I came to our vacation house where my AH (a Dr.) has been since mid-July binge drinking because I thought he was dying. He hadn't eaten for many days, and was drinking (at one point) a half-gallon of vodka a day. He has the big belly, nausea, etc. etc. I asked advice from you here at SR and you were very helpful.

Now...it is 6 days later. He is drinking less and eating more (maybe 500 calories a day) and feels good. However, he told me today that he doesn't intend to quit drinking (I thought he was going to detox and not buy any more vodka when the current bottle was empty...and maybe even start AA meetings again), he is just going to drink "in moderation." I have heard this so many times that it just makes me laugh. Then, about an hour ago, he went to the store to replace the empty vodka bottle. All of this after a friend of his who is an M.D. and head of a rehab facility told him that he will be dead by Nov. if he doesn't quit because he is in end - stage alcoholism and probably liver failure.

He has been in rehab twice in the last year and has OD'd (intentionally) on prescription medication twice this year also. I have a daughter (28) who needs me at home because she has some medical issues and needs surgery..and my other daughter is buying a business and needs some help. I think I should go back home to them because I can't seem to do anything here to help AH...and he doesn't want to help himself. He has been to hundreds of AA meetings but says he isn't going to start going again because they don't work for him.

All he does is sit here reading, smoking, and drinking...and napping. Of course, I am afraid if I leave something awful will happen. Also, there are the step-children who think I am 'abandoning' their father if I leave him here and to back home. Thoughts?

Zoey

Glad you checked in, I was thinking about you and your hubby.
All I can think to say is, it is his life, his choices to make.

I was never torn between childern, step childern and spouse, so hope others come by with some thoughts.

Does he have any friends that might check on him if you left??

Would you want him to come back to the home, perhaps ask the step childern to bring him, then you could be there to call an ambulance if needed, while going to help your childern.

Have the stepchildern ever tried an intervention?? They have to be planned carefully, with an addiction counselor present.

I am so sorry you are in this situation! ((Hugs))

mazey

YOU sound better. It is a scarey thing to see them so physically ill. Kids....do what you need to do. His kids should be involved ALSO! with HIM! Not just relying on you. Do they truly understand his degree of illness now? Are they willing to be there for him ?sometimes? It certainly sounds like he has made HIS choice.

CarolD

"To Thine Own Se;f Be True"

Who cares who thinks what...you know the truth.

Blessings...

mallowcup

I think your eyes and ears have assessed the situation. Join the living. You can't do anything but sit there watching him. Be of benefit to your step children in a different way. I would call everyday and if he doesn't answer, send the police to check on him. It looks as though an inevitable outcome is just around the corner and I think you're time would be better spent loving and preparing all the children. They don't necessarily have to know the details.

jojo

Have you asked him if it is his plan to drink himself to death? Does he know that if he continues on the path he has chosen that he will die - sooner rather than later. Do his kids know the condition he is in?

If his answer is yes then, if it were me, I would tell his kids that. Let them participate in his care or an intervention. It seems like you have done all that you can do. You can't make someone want to live anymore than you can make them stop drinking.

You need to take of yourself and be involved in your kids' lives too.

Hugs, Jo

FriendofBill

Sadly, it is typical sometimes that they want to drink themselves until they die, just to escape the pain. Many times, however, they find thier bottom in doing so, and do reach out for help.

The bottom line - nothing you can to do stop him. Im sorry for your pain, this disease is horrific....pray for him and then refocus to yourself and your daughter.

Blessings to you

denny57

Last July a friend of ours (51 years old) did just this. At his memorial someone told me they had tried to do an intervention and he said "I know exactly what I'm doing and it's what I want to do. If you try to stop me, I will have to cut you out of my life."