hurtinginside

okay so i am now freaking out about me and my mom going to this meeting. what if it doesnt help us? i am also worried because my mom says she wants to leave my dad. i just dont know if she is saying that because she really wants to leave him or if she just thinks he will treat her better. see my mom has been saying she wants to leave my dad sence the day i was little. now though i feel like i am telling her to leave for her own saftey but she always comes up with some reason. i love my mom and my dad even though he is an alcoholic. and maybe my mom is just telling me she wants to leave beause she needs attention. i dont know what to do because my mom says she wants to leave then a month later she is fine. it is really bothering me because i get upset and try to protect her but then she pretends like she is okay. what do i do? sometimes i want to just tell her either she stays or she goes and to make up her mind because i cant keep getting involved all the time when she feels sad. i feel like i have a life to and i hate feeling like i have to be the adult in the family. why should have have to take the responsibilty to make sure my parents are okay. its not my job but i love them and thats why i do it. i dont know i feel so confused.

justicej

I think you answered your own question.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let the people you love solve their own problems.

I had to learn to ask myself, "Why am I so afraid of letting them figure it out on their own?" Do you depend on them still? Usually, my fear came from early trauma while still very dependent on my dysfunctional parents. But now that I am stronger I don't have to react with fear to other addicts.

It sounds like you are struggling with accepting your own inner wisdom. While this may not be comfortable or familiar to you, it might be healthy.

But remember, going to a meeting can be all about doing it for yourself, not your mom. It helps me to remember that I can love my parents unconditionally, without taking care of them. That reminds me to love myself unconditionally, and to take care of myself.

A wise person told me to tell myself, I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I cannot cure it.

Zoey

See how the meeting goes first. We all recommend at least 6 meetings, diff nights diff people, etc. We need to find where we can relate, feel welcome etc.

Could you suggest to mom that she call an attorney to see how to handle seperation if she doesn't work, or divorce. Do they own property etc. as she prob would get half. Look in the yellow pages and see if they don't still offer a free visit.
Tell her to get an appointment and you will help. That way you will find out if she really wants out.
Just suggestins.

denny57

(((hurtinginside))))

I also freaked out before going to my first meeting. Looking back I think it was a fear of acknolwedging there was a problem and realizing there was going to be a big change in my life from that day forward. Of course, that is all looking back at it. At the time, I was just freaking.

Over the last year I have learned that fear of change is a common thing and going to meetings has given me some great tools in dealing with that fear, as well as the changes. I learned I felt safe staying in what was because it was comfortable.

So, don't worry about being freaked out or if the meeting will do you any good. Just feel that feeling and know you are taking a positive step in your life. I look forward to hearing about how it went for you.

Good luck and take good care of yourself.