AXH tests positive for HIV 1 and syphylis
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AXH tests positive for HIV 1 and syphylis
OMG - I need help tonight. I came home from work and in the mail was information from our insurance carrier. In it were 4 bills. One for me and 3 for my recent EX husband. OMG - OMG - OMG..... the bills came to over 1,000. and I called the carrier to inquire and dispute hoping to get some info as to why he had been at the hospital. He was seen at emergency 2 weeks prior to out final hearing. So I told the insurance company that I needed to dispute and inquire about the bills and the woman told me EVERYTHING.
He had a Metabilic Panel, Diagnostic tests, Blood work, STD tests, Urinary tests. Everything. She said her records showed that he went there coughing blood and that all the results weren't in yet but her records did show that he tested POS for Syphylis and HIV type 1.
What the he11......OMG you guys. All the hateful things I said to him right before the hearing!!!!! That hooch gave my husband a fricken death sentence. I told him last week that:
1. I hoped that every woman he was with from now till he dies cheats on him.
2. I hoped that he gets every std known to mankind.
3. I hoped that he loses his job so he FEELS what he did to the kids and I.
4. I hoped that he died from cyrosis of the liver.
Here it is 1 week later and I find this out. OMG. I can't tell the kids this ....I just can't. I knew he was having problems with his pancreas over a year ago but I never thought this....no wonder he never uttered one word when I went off on him before our hearing. He knew all this. He just had to...
I know it was wrong to call the insurance company but you guys I just HAD to know what took him there. I just had to. Please pray for us.
Janit
He had a Metabilic Panel, Diagnostic tests, Blood work, STD tests, Urinary tests. Everything. She said her records showed that he went there coughing blood and that all the results weren't in yet but her records did show that he tested POS for Syphylis and HIV type 1.
What the he11......OMG you guys. All the hateful things I said to him right before the hearing!!!!! That hooch gave my husband a fricken death sentence. I told him last week that:
1. I hoped that every woman he was with from now till he dies cheats on him.
2. I hoped that he gets every std known to mankind.
3. I hoped that he loses his job so he FEELS what he did to the kids and I.
4. I hoped that he died from cyrosis of the liver.
Here it is 1 week later and I find this out. OMG. I can't tell the kids this ....I just can't. I knew he was having problems with his pancreas over a year ago but I never thought this....no wonder he never uttered one word when I went off on him before our hearing. He knew all this. He just had to...
I know it was wrong to call the insurance company but you guys I just HAD to know what took him there. I just had to. Please pray for us.
Janit
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
As a point of understanding....
You did not wish this on him with your words.
Behaviors have consequences. You play, you pay. Some pay more then others.
I don't think either of us would want this for anyone but he did bring it onto himself.
Prayers on the way.
You did not wish this on him with your words.
He knew all this. He just had to...
I don't think either of us would want this for anyone but he did bring it onto himself.
Prayers on the way.
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
Oh, Janitw, I am sure you are feeling just awful! You said those things out of anger with no idea he would actually get/be sick. The STD can be treated, so let's consider the HIV as the scarey one. Are you going to be okay?....Now, HIV has become rather less of a death sentence than it was 10 years ago....so hopefully, he may be able to recieve some treatment and good care of himself? And, you are not to blame. He did something that caused this without considering the consequences. Unfortunately, it could affect your kids because he is sick....BUT, depending on what his liver is truly like, it still may take him first! A day at a time.....
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Prayers coming your way hon.... Holy cow this must hurt. Even though the marriage is over I know you still care and this has to hurt.
But you do have to remember .... you dont have the power to make him drink, or stop drinking and your words dont have to power to make something like this happen hon. Its like best said...
One thing I REALLY have to ask is there anyway he could have passed any of this to you? Have you been tested?
Hold tight and you do not need to tell the kids about this.... this is his issue and his right to let them know if he chooses.... its not yours to talk about.
*hugs* I wish I were there to talk and hug you... Im sorry hon.
But you do have to remember .... you dont have the power to make him drink, or stop drinking and your words dont have to power to make something like this happen hon. Its like best said...
One thing I REALLY have to ask is there anyway he could have passed any of this to you? Have you been tested?
Hold tight and you do not need to tell the kids about this.... this is his issue and his right to let them know if he chooses.... its not yours to talk about.
*hugs* I wish I were there to talk and hug you... Im sorry hon.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Janit, I am so sorry. I can't imagine the emotions you must be going thru. Whatever it is you're feeling know that we are here for you. I'm praying for you, and for him, and even for the woman that gave him the AIDS.
Mike
Mike
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
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Thanks to all. I am okay there was only one time that he could have been with her and then me. And it was well before he left. My laywer had me see a doctor right away a year ago this past August. And all tests came back neg. And that was only because of something he found about her. But after what I found out today you can bet I will have another test done just to be sure. Is there any chance I could still have it do you think?
I still love my husband veryyyyy much and I was willing to try anything all the way to the end. He and I never even spoke on the phone from the minute he left us. She had that much of a hold on him. No thanks to the meth and alcohol. How could this have happened to us...I'll never understand.
So you don't think I should tell the kids? Their ages are: 29, 22, 19. All 3 have gone no contact with him. They won't utter a word to him and he hasn't tried to call them either.
I still love my husband veryyyyy much and I was willing to try anything all the way to the end. He and I never even spoke on the phone from the minute he left us. She had that much of a hold on him. No thanks to the meth and alcohol. How could this have happened to us...I'll never understand.
So you don't think I should tell the kids? Their ages are: 29, 22, 19. All 3 have gone no contact with him. They won't utter a word to him and he hasn't tried to call them either.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Janit, please check with your doctor. I think a recheck in a few months for HIV may be in order, since it takes something along the lines of six months for the disease to appear in a person's bloodstream.
Your children are old enough to hear the truth. They deserve the truth.
Sending prayers your way for you, your children, your husband, the woman who gave your husband the STDs and any other person whose life may have been affected by his diseases.
Your children are old enough to hear the truth. They deserve the truth.
Sending prayers your way for you, your children, your husband, the woman who gave your husband the STDs and any other person whose life may have been affected by his diseases.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I would tell the children(young adults) I would rather know then have found that it was hidden from me. The details don't need be shared...just that he is very sick. If you carry the insurance, it is in your rights to know what they are paying. If he carries it...the insurance people shouldn't have told you a thing.
If the children want details, at the point of them asking for details is when I would give them.
If the children want details, at the point of them asking for details is when I would give them.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I've stopped believing in coincidence, so I don't think it is by chance you found out.
I also FIRMLY agree that you did not wish this on him...there is not ONE THING you did that gave him HIV or Syphillis... those are a direct result of his active addiction.
If you will be in contact with him, I would urge him to tell the kids...by letter, if nothing else. And I would let him know that if he doesn't, you will because they deserve to know.
My heart goes out to you.... ((((hugs))))
I also FIRMLY agree that you did not wish this on him...there is not ONE THING you did that gave him HIV or Syphillis... those are a direct result of his active addiction.
If you will be in contact with him, I would urge him to tell the kids...by letter, if nothing else. And I would let him know that if he doesn't, you will because they deserve to know.
My heart goes out to you.... ((((hugs))))
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Best - no the insurance company probably shouldn't have told me about why he was there but my bill was sent in the same envelope as they had no idea that we were divorcing. It is a family policy and at the time of his admission I was still his wife....so I did feel I had a right to know what he was treated for.
Big Sis and everyone - I am or have not had any contact with him nor do I wish to. I have tried many times over the last 14 months to contact him and he will not pick up his cell phone. Thats probably why I had soooo much anger when we found ourselves alone before the hearing and in the same room with one another. I'm not proud of what I said nor am I proud of being sneaky as to the medical situation. But all is fair is love and war. And yes I agree with the statement about consequences and what goes around comes around. I also believe in "Be careful what you ask for...." Those 2 were in her church every sunday playing house and committing adultry and did they really think that God would bless their union? I told AH before the hearing that her mattress had more miles that a semi truck and OMG what didn't I say. And that what was he going to do - marry her and that they would pledge loyalty, love, and fidelity to one another. PLEASE..... how utterly foolish can you be...
OH Man - I said sooooo much that I regret. The real kick in the teeth is that the magistrate over heard ALL of it. I had no idea that the nice secretary in the adjacent room was NOT a secretary, but the magistrate were went before. Needless to say she wasn't favorable to him.
Big Sis and everyone - I am or have not had any contact with him nor do I wish to. I have tried many times over the last 14 months to contact him and he will not pick up his cell phone. Thats probably why I had soooo much anger when we found ourselves alone before the hearing and in the same room with one another. I'm not proud of what I said nor am I proud of being sneaky as to the medical situation. But all is fair is love and war. And yes I agree with the statement about consequences and what goes around comes around. I also believe in "Be careful what you ask for...." Those 2 were in her church every sunday playing house and committing adultry and did they really think that God would bless their union? I told AH before the hearing that her mattress had more miles that a semi truck and OMG what didn't I say. And that what was he going to do - marry her and that they would pledge loyalty, love, and fidelity to one another. PLEASE..... how utterly foolish can you be...
OH Man - I said sooooo much that I regret. The real kick in the teeth is that the magistrate over heard ALL of it. I had no idea that the nice secretary in the adjacent room was NOT a secretary, but the magistrate were went before. Needless to say she wasn't favorable to him.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Janit you do not know how long he has had the HIV, it can just lie in wait for years, and you won't know you have it unless tested, please get the HIV test now and again in 6 months or so, for your own peace of mind.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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I'm sorry for your shock but please remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your rant at him was just that. You really can't wish something on somebody retroactively, it just doesn't work that way.
You do need to get yourself checked just for your own piece of mind.
Truthfully, his health issues are no longer your business. You can urge him to tell his kids but it's not really yours to tell - it's between them now and they're all adults.
Be nice to you... you deserve it and you've been through quite a lot of stress recently.
You do need to get yourself checked just for your own piece of mind.
Truthfully, his health issues are no longer your business. You can urge him to tell his kids but it's not really yours to tell - it's between them now and they're all adults.
Be nice to you... you deserve it and you've been through quite a lot of stress recently.
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Janit there's no need to apologize. Rant all you want, that's what we're here for. My ex-wife left me for three other guys and I remember the insanity I felt over that. We're all here for you so go ahead and let it all out.
Mike
Mike
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Join Date: Jul 2003
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Man... so you said to him the truth of how he hurt you. I can't see why you are being so hard on yourself. He earned it, and more. Hateful words hurt.... but not as much as hateful actions. His actions were and have been hateful and hurtful... perhaps now he saw just how much. Hard to stay in denial when confronted directly.
But that is behind you... Alanon teaches me "First things First" which is what a lot of the posts above are about.... getting retested to stifle that niggling little voice in the back saying..."yeah, but what IF".
Doing the next right thing will be more obvious to you as you move forward.... One Day at a Time.
When I think too far into the future, I lose focus on what I need to do today... and bring into today all of the stressors of tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the one after that.... when I only have the resources to deal with ONE day's stressors. I try not to do that "future tripping", and with practice, I'm getting better.
((((Hugs)))) I wish you well.
But that is behind you... Alanon teaches me "First things First" which is what a lot of the posts above are about.... getting retested to stifle that niggling little voice in the back saying..."yeah, but what IF".
Doing the next right thing will be more obvious to you as you move forward.... One Day at a Time.
When I think too far into the future, I lose focus on what I need to do today... and bring into today all of the stressors of tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the one after that.... when I only have the resources to deal with ONE day's stressors. I try not to do that "future tripping", and with practice, I'm getting better.
((((Hugs)))) I wish you well.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
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Originally Posted by Janitw
I had no idea that the nice secretary in the adjacent room was NOT a secretary, but the magistrate were went before. Needless to say she wasn't favorable to him.
Many believe that nothing happens by mistake. You were ment to know.
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I'm sure this was shocking news. It would have been considerate of him to tell you. While all of this news is swimming in your head, you'll have to grasp the priorities. I think a councelor would help you sort this out. First make sure you are not HIV positive. Second, make sure your children are not HIV positive. You can't know who gave it to him or how long he's had it. There is a HUGE legality as well. That person who gave you this imformation has broken the law. If you confront a person with their own personal medical information, you have to explain where you got it. I would talk to a lawyer and a councelor. I don't mean to be insensative but there is simply no way to become HIV positive by wishing it on someone. You don't have the time or energy to spend there. It isn't true, it isn't possible. I would say nothing to anyone until you have talked to a councelor and a lawyer. I think you need the advice and guidance from both.
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Thank You to all who responed. I love you guys. Mike - a special thanks to you and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if Wayne had left us for 3 women, not just one. If one woman could have this amount of impact I can only imagine what 3 would have felt like. ((((Mike))).
I will get tested asap. I had a test done a year ago this past August. Has there been enough time if I did get something from him would it show up in blood work do you think???? I'm calling my doctor today. Is this something I need to talk to my attorney about (bills)?
I didn't sleep a wink last night.
All of the advice is wonderful. If it weren't for this website I would be dealing with this totally alone. This isn't just something you can casually talk about over coffee....know what I mean?
Janit
I will get tested asap. I had a test done a year ago this past August. Has there been enough time if I did get something from him would it show up in blood work do you think???? I'm calling my doctor today. Is this something I need to talk to my attorney about (bills)?
I didn't sleep a wink last night.
All of the advice is wonderful. If it weren't for this website I would be dealing with this totally alone. This isn't just something you can casually talk about over coffee....know what I mean?
Janit
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