jrose123

My son is drinking today. His son is 4 yrs old and now he see and understands it all. My son and his wife are arguing and saying things that hurts all of us. When I looked at my grandson in the middle of all this, my heart breaks. I can't stop crying for him and all of them. I'm crying now.
Why do I feel like killing myself when my son is the one that's drunk???
Thanks for letting me share. I'm knew here.

Morning Glory

Welcome Jrose123,

I've been where you are with my son. I know that it can make you feel suicidal at times. I think the reason I felt that way was because I felt trapped in a situation that I couldn't change and I didn't feel there was an escape. It felt so hopeless.

There is hope and you will learn a lot here that will strengthen your coping skills and you'll start feeling better. Don't give up just yet. Keep coming back. Half the battle is finding support and not feeling so alone with it all. You might try to find an al-anon meeting in your area where you can find some face to face support to help you through this.

Huge hugs,
MG

mallowcup

Have you considered an intervention?

denny57

Welcome jrose123, glad you're here. I'm sorry to hear you are in pain over your son's drinking.

Al-anon and individual therapy worked for me. I go to a meeting that is specifically for parents (though I am not one) and I wonder if there is some kind of support group near you like that, Al-Anon or not. There are people there with chilren who are in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s. Face to face support from people who understand is invaluable.

(Here is the link for your area, and they have several parents' groups: http://www.ncwsa.org/district-14.html

If Al-Anon is not right for you, there might be something else. I highly recommend group support, as it worked for me. )

To answer your question, maybe you feel that way because it would be a way out of the pain. I think towards the end of AH and I living together I had that thought a time or two. I just felt it had all "won." Much like the addict drinks or drugs to numb their pain, I had my own unhealthy behaviors.

Are you able to get your grandson out of the house occasionally? It might help if he saw normal from time to time. The damage inflicted on the children in these situations breaks my heart.

Please keep posting - you're not alone in this and there are many people out there willing to help.

((()))

jrose123

Thanks for the help. I will definately consider getting into a program.

Cynay

Welcome to SR.... We are glad you found us.

I think its perfectly normal for you to feel Horrible feelings when your child is not being responsible etc. I know as a parent I sometimes feel that my daughter is a reflection of me.... and when she messes up so badly it must be because I did not do a good job. I know that is not true nor healthy thinking but I still emotionally think it from time to time.

Im sorry about your grandson, maybe you guys could start doing more things together.... Im sure he will appreciate the stability VERY much and it will also give him a safe haven to talk and get his feelings out. I use Al-anon currently and have had alot of therapy ..... Might be that if you learn the tools to deal with this you could pass them down to your grandson till he is old enough to get help for himself....

I sure could have used it when I was a child.

I look forward to getting to know you, stick around and keep posting and reading. You are not alone in this struggle.

jrose123

Thanks so much for your help! I think I will find an Alanon meeting.
I get so angry when my son doesn't remember what he did when he was drunk. We sure do!

Zoey

Some have blackouts, blackouts is like being passed out except they are walking and talking, we think they are in there, but they are not. (I have had them, mostly we never ever remember what we said or did))

If not a blackout, the mind is so foggy they probably might not remember.

(This Just my thought on males, they just don't answer or say they don't remember hoping you will say no more.) Guess not just men ,I don't want to hear anything mean or stupid that I did either.

Many of us learn to save our breath. around the A's.

Teens tend not to hear what mom says, my friend called it "mother deafness"

I would bet some of that carries over to adulthood, seems to me when I try to talk to a mechanic they close their minds, as they think they know what a female will say.
(I love men, so this is not a critasism(sp), just as I see it)

This just tidbits till you get to a meeting.

Each person is different and exceptions always, after some meetings and reading you will learn how to make it easier on yourself.