StandingStrong

I'm almost embarrassed to post this as it's been staring me right in the face and I've missed it until now!
I've even had people basically point it out to me, but I just didn't "Get it" in the fullest affect I guess.

Our 3 children all think that AH and I shouldn't even talk.
I've never really understood this. I mean, I thought that most children hoped that their parents would work things out and end up back together. My youngest two that live with me have been the most verbal about their thoughts. They've been quite blunt about it actually, but still, I didn't get it.

Tonight - I finally get it.

When my daughter called her Dad to see if she could go up there tonight, I knew that he'd say "no". I forewarned her as I even knew what the reasons would be. But I allowed her to call anyways. She was upset when she got off the phone and retreated to her bedroom. I went in to see if she was okay and she said that AH had hurt her feelings.
It was after talking to her that I left her room and it smacked me like a ton of bricks!!!!!!!!

NOW I see what they mean!!!!!! They don't think that I should talk to AH because they know how he is and they know that I will always get hurt. I even asked the kids later if that is the reason they feel that way and they confirmed it. My son even said "Finally!" to the fact that I "get it".

Ah is out drinking (and bowling with my drinking, pot smoking nephew) while my daughter is hurt yet again!

Here it is folks - the reality! And I've just got awakened to another lightbulb moment. I finally get why my kids think that no contact is the best thing me when it comes to AH as I truly wish sometimes that my kids didn't have to have contact either.

Pick-a-name

Wow......just last week my daughter was home from college for a weekend and long story made short, he met the two of us for dinner (he paid ) but he did not eat...had "other plans". It actually was very pleasant,etc but on the way home I just started crying (trying to not be noticed) and daughter asked what was wrong. I said : whenever I see him, it just ends up making me so sad or upset or both. She said: "I know what you mean, Mom. I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA IF NONE OF US SEE HIM FOR AWHILE." I am sure that this was exactly the same thing she was saying.

Smart kids......

I really is a family disease in so many ways.....

(((SS))) thanks for sharing

Janitw

I know exactly how you feel ---you know what my 19 yr old son said shortly after his father left us? He said: "Mom, did you ever think that dad would leave us any other way?"

Talk about a light bulb moment...

His words put tears in my eyes but I knew that sometimes kids see more than we do. Out of the mouth of babes.

I'm sorry that your AH hurt you and your daughter standing. Your husband doesn't have a clue does he? They can be such dim wits and later on they actually think the kids are the ones with the problem. And that they actually deserve respect. Ya right.

Stay strong hun. I'm thinking of you today.

Janit

MsPINKAcres

StandingStrong, Pick-A-Name & Janitw,

Hate so much the pain that you are going thru cause by this disease and the A's inability to reach out for the help they need to get treatment for their disease.

Will keep all three of you and your families in my thoughts & prayers,

Rita

escape artist

it helps me to not put myself in the frame of mind of "he made me feel hurt". He did not "make" me do anything. I have a choice in how I am going to feel about what happened. Cause if he did have the power to "make" me feel what i feel then it is an indication that i GAVE him the power of my feelings over me! and i refuse to participate in my own victimization.
So if what he says or does can not "make" me feel one way or the other, how am i going to choose to feel about it? I'm teaching my children this as well.