Feeling good and not feeling guilty
 

Well, this has really been a long but busy week. I've peeked in here and there but was actually trying to stay away a bit to stop reminding myself that I've lived through a lot of these stories and lives for a long, long time. Yes, it has been a Long Strange Trip but now, I feel like I'm on a permanent vacation...and I LIKE it...A LOT.

I met with AH for the first time this past Tuesday at a therapy session to discuss our son and the pain he is going through. The school counselor called me and suggested that we get him into counseling ASAP and she was right. He had his first session this evening and said it went well. I didn't pry and he didn't volunteer.
The one Tuesday night was very liberating because I realized that I was able to look my AH right in the eye and say what I needed to say...well some of it anyway.
I like being on my own now. I like it a lot and can't believe looking back into the situation that I allowed myself to stay until there was no looking back. then again, I guess that is really what it took but the incident itself that brought us to this place...still haunts me and makes me angry. I am going to therapy too in order to deal with the anger but at least by confronting him in a controlled/mediated environment, it did help me to speak to the situation in a way that released a lot of anger.

He is still convinced that the family can be saved but I am at a place where I don't want to ever be with him again. We...the children and I...are still a family and he can see our son on his visitation times and they can still have a relationship. As long as we all get the counseling we need and use that time productively, I know in my heart we will all survive this.
I am anxious for my daughter to start because she truly needs it the most. She will start this week. I want her to get this out of her system and be free of it so that she can move on with her life and not have this hanging in the background.

Tonight after work, I did something I have never done which was spend 3 hours at the salon having my hair dyed, conditioned and styled and I LOVE IT! It was very cool! Tomorrow, it's nails and feet and buy something nice for myself to wear as I may step out with the girls tomorrow night! Imagine that?

:Val004:

Sounds like you're finding yourself and your life again!

Sounds great. May I ask? How old is your son? My son is 7 and seems to have alot of anger probles and abandement(sp) problems. But I'm not sure if he would talk with a thearpist.

Congrats LST, that's wonderful that you're getting a life back. Good for you.

Mike :)

My son is 10 and very outgoing. He is one of those kids you can take anywhere and introduce him to people, even adults and he can hold a very mature and intelleigent conversation. Not only that, I've always been very open with both my kids about things and they have reciprocated. I think that has helped him a LOT in talking to the therapist.

Maybe start with the school counselor if you have one and see how that goes and move to a private therapist who specializes in children from there.

My boy has some serious anger issues but I have faith that he will get through this.

All the best to you and your child.:Val004:

when my AH and I first seperated my 14 yr son (now 15) was very angry. Did not want to see a therapist? I would talk to him about it and he didn't wnat to talk or let me hug him. I think as long as they feel we care and support them. Our love is unconditional and they are important to us. We listen without criticizing. Bonding is very important, even though, it is being in the same room watching a movie. My son loves it when I watch a movie he loves and we just laugh away. All that got him to start talking to me, and in time, he has come around and is seeing a therapist. Things are getting better. Good luck.

I feel very proud. I mowed my own grass tonight. I have a huge blister on my thumb but I did it!!!!
I have never mowed the grass since I've lived here...that's nearly 9 years. We had a deal that he always did the yard work and I did the inside. I think he got the way better end of the deal because I'll only have to cut the grass once a week for about another 6 weeks and then winter will take care of it.

But I'm so PROUD!!!!