Wow! I just realized something!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Wow! I just realized something!
AH and I have been in contact this week due to our daughter being sick. I have seen him once this week - for approximately 15 minutes when daughter and I stopped by his work to return his ins. and let him know what the Dr. said. I noticed that he acted a little "odd" but really didn't think much of it.
Then earlier this evening, we spoke on the computer (via IM) briefly. He basically wanted to ask me if I was okay with everything in the dissolution papers. I reminded him that I had them drawn up like he wanted and asked if there was a problem. He said that he'd go sign them on Monday.
Okay, then comes the anger!!! Which I realize that AH has been angry for quite awhile concerning our marriage. However, I didn't argue with him. I didn't try to make him understand or "get it". I simply said that I was sorry and then said Goodnight. And I went on about my evening. It was later that the lightbulb went on! LOL. The lightbulb of realization that I'd just done something that I never thought I'd do. In reading other people's posts and hearing people talk face to face about this - I never dreamed the day would come that I'd be detached enough to not fight, not hope, etc. Wow! I did just that today - twice actually. I'd not gotten on that merry-go-round or the rollercoaster ride. I'd simply removed myself from the situation and went on about my day.
This is not to say that it won't hurt when I see Ah's signature on the papers - as it probably will. It's not to say that it's not going to hurt when it's all over or that it's not going to bother me when he moves on with someone else - because it probably will.
But I realized (and then went back through old IM's) that I have been really doing pretty darn good. He can blame me, he can live in denial, he can do whatever - he made the choices he has made - just as I choose to not live my life with a verbally abusive, still active alcoholic, who has not changed.
I'm proud of myself for not having gotten on board for another ride!
Then earlier this evening, we spoke on the computer (via IM) briefly. He basically wanted to ask me if I was okay with everything in the dissolution papers. I reminded him that I had them drawn up like he wanted and asked if there was a problem. He said that he'd go sign them on Monday.
Okay, then comes the anger!!! Which I realize that AH has been angry for quite awhile concerning our marriage. However, I didn't argue with him. I didn't try to make him understand or "get it". I simply said that I was sorry and then said Goodnight. And I went on about my evening. It was later that the lightbulb went on! LOL. The lightbulb of realization that I'd just done something that I never thought I'd do. In reading other people's posts and hearing people talk face to face about this - I never dreamed the day would come that I'd be detached enough to not fight, not hope, etc. Wow! I did just that today - twice actually. I'd not gotten on that merry-go-round or the rollercoaster ride. I'd simply removed myself from the situation and went on about my day.
This is not to say that it won't hurt when I see Ah's signature on the papers - as it probably will. It's not to say that it's not going to hurt when it's all over or that it's not going to bother me when he moves on with someone else - because it probably will.
But I realized (and then went back through old IM's) that I have been really doing pretty darn good. He can blame me, he can live in denial, he can do whatever - he made the choices he has made - just as I choose to not live my life with a verbally abusive, still active alcoholic, who has not changed.
I'm proud of myself for not having gotten on board for another ride!
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
Good for you, you sound so directed, focused and not pulled to "his" life. Yes, you prolly will feel some sadness, but you can get past it. Feel it and move ahead the best you can. RELIEF is a wonderful thing!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
It is a real feeling of freedom not to be sucked in any longer and you can just go on with your life.
I thought it would be tough seeing my ex with another woman but when it happened I had this sense of relief it wasn't me. He was bascially acting the same way as if I were with him, I was so relieved I wasn't the one having to go back and forth to the beer booth. I wasn't the one walking next to him as he was staggering along.
I am on the outside now looking in. He is doing the exact thing he did to me to her. He fills her with all his B.S., cheats on her, plays the blame game to excuse his drinking. It is so weird watching this and it is not happening to me. He plays wonderful new dad to her children and has forgotten his own. Now the old me would have called him and chewed him out, but you know what it is his problem. I know the reason he does not have contact with us is because we hold the truth. He is trying to live this fantasy life now.
Different emotions and feelings come up, but is so much easier to deal with them and process them now.
Soon the ink will be drying on my divorce papers and thank god through my recovery I will have no regrets, It is what it is.
I thought it would be tough seeing my ex with another woman but when it happened I had this sense of relief it wasn't me. He was bascially acting the same way as if I were with him, I was so relieved I wasn't the one having to go back and forth to the beer booth. I wasn't the one walking next to him as he was staggering along.
I am on the outside now looking in. He is doing the exact thing he did to me to her. He fills her with all his B.S., cheats on her, plays the blame game to excuse his drinking. It is so weird watching this and it is not happening to me. He plays wonderful new dad to her children and has forgotten his own. Now the old me would have called him and chewed him out, but you know what it is his problem. I know the reason he does not have contact with us is because we hold the truth. He is trying to live this fantasy life now.
Different emotions and feelings come up, but is so much easier to deal with them and process them now.
Soon the ink will be drying on my divorce papers and thank god through my recovery I will have no regrets, It is what it is.
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