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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Salem NH
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all in this thread,
Some thoughts about Divorce and God,
It is said that God is Love. To me that means where there is Love, there is the essence of God and he is overjoyed at His creation.. because that is as He intended. I see addiction - any addiction - as an assault on our spirit. It says in the bible, 10 Commandments, I am the one and only God, do not worship false gods before me. Is not addiction, a form of worshiping a false God? Is it not an assault on God's gift of Grace (spiritual Joy)? There is a great book out there called Addiction and Grace.
What is it that God asks us to do? Love thy neighbor as thy self. Hmmm. How does that fit into the equation. Simply look back at how your parents, or, how you, now as a parent, would deal with you most prized possesion, your children, if you found they were heading down the wrong path. A path of self destruction. Would you not do everything humanly possible to get them to redirect and move back to the right path ? I know what the answer would be for me, and I know it is the same for you. Of course you would. So, other than the children, then who is the most important person in your life - nobrainer right, your spouse. What actions should you take when this person embarks on a path of self destruction? Jim Rhone, a motivational Speaker puts it plainly, "Do what you can, Do the Best you can". Notice, his statement is action based. Doing nothing is almost always the wrong thing to do. You MUST do something. So here comes the paradox, you can't make anyone love themselves. You can't make an AH stop drinking. You can't make any addict stop their destructive behavior. Stuck, right ? No- way. So what is it that you CAN do? What is it that is the BEST you can do. When a young adolescent needs to do his homework and wants to watch TV instead, what do you do as a parent? You take the adolescents desire to watch TV, and use it to motivate him to do his homework. You would say to the adolescent, "You can not watch TV, until your homework is done." Enough days of understanding this rule and you both share in the benefit of a win,win solution. Conceptually, you have taken the adolescents value system and used it to motivate him to do the right thing. You have created a "Boundary" (see authors Townsend & Cloud) and allowed the Child to choose what to do, and also receive the consequences of his choice. This is an act of Love as a parent. It wasn't necessarily pleasant for either of you but, it was needed AND the right thing to do. In your husbonds case, pleaing, threatening, and dispairing over his actions are a fairly common reaction. However, they are neither productive nor beneficial for either of you. And while he is powerless over his addiction, You are NOT. Would God pass negative judgement on you for demanding that your husbond completely stop worshiping the false God- Alcohol? Would God be angry for you for doing everything in your power to stop this form of idoltry? NO Way. A divorce/Seperation here is an act of LOVE. God is testing your resolve for doing what you know in your heart, is the right thing to do. He is testing your faith in Him to help you through the frightening path of the unknown. He is directing you toward growth and Love, not despair. He is a potter shaping his creation to grow in beauty. Ask him for guidance, seek out the truth in your heart and know that if you do what you can and do the best you can, God will be by your side.
Freedom07
Some thoughts about Divorce and God,
It is said that God is Love. To me that means where there is Love, there is the essence of God and he is overjoyed at His creation.. because that is as He intended. I see addiction - any addiction - as an assault on our spirit. It says in the bible, 10 Commandments, I am the one and only God, do not worship false gods before me. Is not addiction, a form of worshiping a false God? Is it not an assault on God's gift of Grace (spiritual Joy)? There is a great book out there called Addiction and Grace.
What is it that God asks us to do? Love thy neighbor as thy self. Hmmm. How does that fit into the equation. Simply look back at how your parents, or, how you, now as a parent, would deal with you most prized possesion, your children, if you found they were heading down the wrong path. A path of self destruction. Would you not do everything humanly possible to get them to redirect and move back to the right path ? I know what the answer would be for me, and I know it is the same for you. Of course you would. So, other than the children, then who is the most important person in your life - nobrainer right, your spouse. What actions should you take when this person embarks on a path of self destruction? Jim Rhone, a motivational Speaker puts it plainly, "Do what you can, Do the Best you can". Notice, his statement is action based. Doing nothing is almost always the wrong thing to do. You MUST do something. So here comes the paradox, you can't make anyone love themselves. You can't make an AH stop drinking. You can't make any addict stop their destructive behavior. Stuck, right ? No- way. So what is it that you CAN do? What is it that is the BEST you can do. When a young adolescent needs to do his homework and wants to watch TV instead, what do you do as a parent? You take the adolescents desire to watch TV, and use it to motivate him to do his homework. You would say to the adolescent, "You can not watch TV, until your homework is done." Enough days of understanding this rule and you both share in the benefit of a win,win solution. Conceptually, you have taken the adolescents value system and used it to motivate him to do the right thing. You have created a "Boundary" (see authors Townsend & Cloud) and allowed the Child to choose what to do, and also receive the consequences of his choice. This is an act of Love as a parent. It wasn't necessarily pleasant for either of you but, it was needed AND the right thing to do. In your husbonds case, pleaing, threatening, and dispairing over his actions are a fairly common reaction. However, they are neither productive nor beneficial for either of you. And while he is powerless over his addiction, You are NOT. Would God pass negative judgement on you for demanding that your husbond completely stop worshiping the false God- Alcohol? Would God be angry for you for doing everything in your power to stop this form of idoltry? NO Way. A divorce/Seperation here is an act of LOVE. God is testing your resolve for doing what you know in your heart, is the right thing to do. He is testing your faith in Him to help you through the frightening path of the unknown. He is directing you toward growth and Love, not despair. He is a potter shaping his creation to grow in beauty. Ask him for guidance, seek out the truth in your heart and know that if you do what you can and do the best you can, God will be by your side.
Freedom07
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Marriage and God. There was a time when I believed that marriage locked me in for better or worse. Today, I believe that marriage is a holy institution. I married at the altar. I made a public declaration to be equally yoked with someone who shared my belief and my convictions. I spoke vows and I heard vows made to me and to God. Vows are really our mission statement. Yes. I vowed to stay in sickness and health , for richer or poorer, in good times and bad. So did he, so did he, so did he. I also pledged that this union represented my desire to please God. That my marriage would honor God. If a marriage becomes dishonorable and mocks God, taking the benefits without making those investments, I will leave it. My husband pledged to love me like Christ loved the church. My marriage is what I hold up to honor God. It is the statement I make to those around me. Is it enviable? I didn't agree to be a fool and I didn't agree to settle for nothing. As we pray and pray for our marriages, it never occurred to me that God was telling me to leave this unequal yoke. A persons free will enters into it and when they willingly break their vows, God will not bless the union. Why would He? As a child of Christ and a daughter and a mother, God would not have you treated this way. In marriage we are given the opportunity to create a new self. If our marriage is what we hold up, I think we have to stop and examine what we are holding up. We agree to keep our vows but we are also allowed to hold our spouse accountable for the vows they spoke.
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