i am angry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: wilmerding, pa
Posts: 4
i am angry
Hello all- My husband has been sober for 6 days. It has been rough. I don't understand why he is shutting me and our kids out. He would rather sit on the computer all night or go somewhere with anyone than do anything with me and the kids. I am starting to get very angry over this. Why won't he let me in. He would rather talk to people on line than me.
I just don't know what to do.
I just don't know what to do.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
jenll
I know that this must hurt you right now, but maybe that is what he needs to do to keep his mind off using. That doesn't make it right, and I would be angry too, but if it helps him stay sober maybe it is not so bad. Can you talk to him about this, or set some time aside for just "family" time?
Just as addiction affects the family, so does recovery. And our part is to look after ourselves and not take ownership of their behaviour.
Hugs to you and prayers that he can hold on to his recovery and that your family can be happy again.
I know that this must hurt you right now, but maybe that is what he needs to do to keep his mind off using. That doesn't make it right, and I would be angry too, but if it helps him stay sober maybe it is not so bad. Can you talk to him about this, or set some time aside for just "family" time?
Just as addiction affects the family, so does recovery. And our part is to look after ourselves and not take ownership of their behaviour.
Hugs to you and prayers that he can hold on to his recovery and that your family can be happy again.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
If you look at the number of posts next to my name you might say the same about me. But my husband is not threatened by it.
I am an anon but when I first began my recovery I pulled away from my family. What your husband is going through is very intense and his reaction is normal. But then so is yours. His sobriety does not make all the problems go away and it sometimes has a way of bringing new ones to the surface.
Take this time to take care of you. Don't focus on him because it is making you angry. Focus on you and the good things. He has 6 days!!! That is great...but know in advance that things will change.
This may be a good time for you to find a meeting for yourself or come here and talk to us.
Hugs,
JT
I am an anon but when I first began my recovery I pulled away from my family. What your husband is going through is very intense and his reaction is normal. But then so is yours. His sobriety does not make all the problems go away and it sometimes has a way of bringing new ones to the surface.
Take this time to take care of you. Don't focus on him because it is making you angry. Focus on you and the good things. He has 6 days!!! That is great...but know in advance that things will change.
This may be a good time for you to find a meeting for yourself or come here and talk to us.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
jenll
My husband has been trying not to drink too. I finally broke down after 3 weeks of his 'shutting us out'. He has drank again (last weekend - that I know of) and today he went to a sports fishing show with his brother (which is a good thing). He needs to do things he enjoys because going without a drink is difficult for him.
Hang in there. Try and find things that you like to do and things that keep you busy. Please try not to take it personally (hah! I can't believe I am saying this after losing my mind being 'shut out'). He's going through his own thing right now. We need to take care of ourselves and our children.
You came to the right place. Keep reading the posts and asking questions. It has helped me.
NoDoubt
My husband has been trying not to drink too. I finally broke down after 3 weeks of his 'shutting us out'. He has drank again (last weekend - that I know of) and today he went to a sports fishing show with his brother (which is a good thing). He needs to do things he enjoys because going without a drink is difficult for him.
Hang in there. Try and find things that you like to do and things that keep you busy. Please try not to take it personally (hah! I can't believe I am saying this after losing my mind being 'shut out'). He's going through his own thing right now. We need to take care of ourselves and our children.
You came to the right place. Keep reading the posts and asking questions. It has helped me.
NoDoubt
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
HI Jenll.
Withdrawal from alcohol hurts. Physically. Mentally. Chances are he's retreating to places where the stress level is lowest. If it ticks you off to think he may consider time with your family stressful, please remember that facing guilt is one of the toughest things around. Give him a little time. If you're not attending alanon, please think about it. Wrap yourself up in yourself and your kids instead of him for awhile.
Hugs,
Smoke
Withdrawal from alcohol hurts. Physically. Mentally. Chances are he's retreating to places where the stress level is lowest. If it ticks you off to think he may consider time with your family stressful, please remember that facing guilt is one of the toughest things around. Give him a little time. If you're not attending alanon, please think about it. Wrap yourself up in yourself and your kids instead of him for awhile.
Hugs,
Smoke
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Jen,
I have to agree with the other replies... sometimes an A is completely lost without their drink/drug; the behaviors can be totally confusing to us. My A for example, gets MAD at the world when he is sober (yes, I am included)... he says he hates that it has to be so difficult to quit, and that he was "cursed" with this affliction. In the past my A would get mad at ME directly, because he said that he was doing it only for me... gee I wonder why it never worked!
Anyhow, whatever the reason, give him the space to feel it all... And keep practicing the "leting go"... And any chance you guys get to talk would be great
hugs and take care,
Meg
I have to agree with the other replies... sometimes an A is completely lost without their drink/drug; the behaviors can be totally confusing to us. My A for example, gets MAD at the world when he is sober (yes, I am included)... he says he hates that it has to be so difficult to quit, and that he was "cursed" with this affliction. In the past my A would get mad at ME directly, because he said that he was doing it only for me... gee I wonder why it never worked!
Anyhow, whatever the reason, give him the space to feel it all... And keep practicing the "leting go"... And any chance you guys get to talk would be greathugs and take care,
Meg
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: wilmerding, pa
Posts: 4
Well- today is a better day. Even the evening yesterday was good. We went to a our friends for a cok=okout( hey 50 degree weather is something to celebrate even if it onlt last one day). He did well. He didn't drink. i wasn't sure about going and beig around the beer. but he wanted to so I thought it would be good for us as a family to do something. When it was time for me and the kids to leve- he came with us ( this is very unsual). Todya the kids and I spent the majority of our time at church. then we as a famly just hung out. It was nice.
I know that I have to be thankful for the good times and deal witht he bad so TODAY I AM THANKFUL FOR TODAY. And I will pray for tomorrow.
Thank you guys for keeping me sane.
Jen
I know that I have to be thankful for the good times and deal witht he bad so TODAY I AM THANKFUL FOR TODAY. And I will pray for tomorrow.
Thank you guys for keeping me sane.
Jen
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