mtmama

This is my first post here. My husband is in end-stage alcoholism. He is a retired Dr. (orthopedic surgeon) and is 64 years old. We have been married for 20 years and he has been an alcoholic for the last 14 years. In the last 6 years, he has been in rehab 3 times. The longest he has been sober is 5 1/2 months...since February of 2006 until July of 2006. He knew that if he started drinking again, our relationship was over. After he started again, I came home one day to find him gone....he had gone to our "winter" home, obstensibly to make life easier for me ( he was concerned that his drinking was stressing me LOL) .but, really just so he could drink in peace. He has been there for 6 weeks now. I am doing much better without the stress of having him around and worrying about whether he was drinking or not. However, he is not doing well. He had a bad month of July...drank one half-gallon of vodka daily and tried to OD which didn't work. Ever since, he has been physically sick..with no appetite, naseau, vomiting,...but continuing to drink (down to 1/3 of a half-gallon...20+ ounces /day..which he thinks is progress!). The director of a well-known rehab center calls and visits him a couple of times a week...that Dr. is in contact with me and tells me that he is trying to get him into detox..and that he thinks my husband will not live 6-8 more weeks if he keeps drinking. I talk to my husband almost daily and it kills me to know that he knows he is killing himself, but can't/won't do anything about it. Should I just do nothing? I know he has to want to help himself, but that doesn't seem to be happening. The times he went to rehab were "forced" on him, and didn't work. When he is sober, he religiously attends AA meetings, but in 8 years, has never gotten a sponsor...he knows it all, because he is a Dr.!!! So much for that thought. As I said, I talk to him daily and try to encourage him , etc...is there anything else I shoud/could do to keep him from drinking himself to death?

denny57

mtmama, welcome, glad to have you here!

I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't have much to offer except support during this tough time. I had one thought while reading your post: has there ever been an intervention done? Have you ever gone together with the director of the rehab center to talk with your husband?

I believe it is possible when someone is this far into the disease, they may not have the mental ability to make a decision to save their own lives. Are there other things you have considered but hesitate to do?

Look forward to getting to know you.

mtmama

The problem is that he has been in rehab 3 previous times...and because he is an M.D. he "knows more" than those who are simply counselors and he could write the program. Medically and physically, he knows more than those trying to help him. He says he will NEVER to go to rehab again, because he has it memoried...He has basically given up, and to be honest, I think he has a death wish. Maybe not that unusual in his condition. He is totally alone at our other house now, and is mixing daytime and nighttime. He mostly just drinks and smokes and reads. He does go (usually impaired) to AA meeting a couple of times a week ..with his M.D. rehab-director-friend.

denny57

It does seem, then, that you are doing all you can right now. I do hope for him that he has that moment of clarity at some point before it's too late. I think your post brings up an important element of recovery: the emotional, mental and for some, spiritual, side of it.

It also killed me to know my AH was killing himself and that he also knows it. Being away from that for the past almost year has been very helpful to me in gaining some clarity on what I can and cannot do.

It will probably be slow here this weekend because of the holiday - I'm sure others will be along to welcome you, too. Take care.

FormerDoormat

Welcome to the forum MTMama. I can't offer you any advice since, but I can tell you what I did. When I came to this forum two years ago, I believed my boyfriend of 22 years was an end-stage alcoholic. He, too, would often down a gallon of booze a day. He was failing mentally, emotionally, and physically. Back then, the doctors told him that if he continued to drink, he'd be dead in less than a year, and everything I read about alcoholism confirmed that prediction.

I did everything I could to convince him to stop drinking. I yelled and screamed, I begged and pleaded, I manipulated and controlled him, I hid his booze, I threatened to leave him. Then one day in complete desperation, I turned my boyfriend's care over to God. I asked Him to watch over my boyfriend and to help him find a path to sobriety. Then I asked Him to help me find a path to serenity.

Fast forward to today, my boyfriend reached his bottom nearly one year ago and finally got the help he needed. He still has some residual health problems from the years of drinking, but he's very much alive, and he's proven to be much stronger, both emotionally and physically, than I ever gave him credit for.

The bottom line is none of us can predict the future and sometimes, when we think a situation is hopeless and all is lost, we may find what we thought was an ending may just be a new beginning.

Sending prayers that you find a path to serenity and your husband finds a path to sobriety.