LaTeeDa

When the pain and suffering of doing nothing outweighs the fear of doing something. That's bottom. At least it was for me.

I have to say, I feel 20 years younger than I did at this time last year! Anyone want to go outside and play?

L

Missy

Love it!

Missy

This I am... Too tired to leave!

pmaslan

Too tired to leave???????

I can't even think of how to respond to that.....* politely anyway

LaTeeDa

I can. It's an excuse. She has not reached bottom, yet. It takes what it takes, and each person is different. The codie in me wants to help, just like I wanted to push my husband to his bottom, but alas, could not......

L

denny57

Too tired or not enough energy? That's where I was in my depression. Didn't even know I was clinically depressed until diagnosed. My own denial.

Karen, I can't remember - are you in any type of therapy?

Missy

I am all of the above... I do see someone once a month who knows me and my AH well. Wierd how that became... I will tell story in short form.

As you know I lost my 18 year old son to a stroke 2 years ago. AH didnt know how to handle me so he signed us up to counseling to help me with my grief.
Well he couldnt go to a session sober so long story short... the table turned being this counselor was specialized in substance abuse, not greif...
She read up on grief and we kept up for a short time until my AH figured out that our sessions were becoming slowly about alcholism.
Then he stopped and I kept counseling up and is now turned not to the loss of my child.. but being the wife of an alcholic... so two years later, I get a tune up when I feel I have the need with e-mails inbetween.

I also have a strong faith, great job and another son who is successful.
Unfortunately this monkey wont get off my back.
This SR is giving me some of my sanity back. How grateful we are that we dont have to do this alone. We have each other.
I thrieve on the, knowledge and experience from this place
thanks,
Karen xo

denny57

Karen, it's never too late to get grief counseling. I waited a very long time after my brother died suddenly at a young age and that was a mistake. Not beating myself up about it, but a mistake. I thought I could handle it since my dad had died not long before that. What was I thinking?

I hope you'll find the energy to get the help you need and deserve. You are worth it.

guyinNC

Hang in there Karen. You are just beat down, so much going on in your life. Take baby steps.

Its normal to feel sad after facing what you have had to face. But you will survive, and be stronger for it!!!

Ayers1995

Don't get so enmeshed w/ this that you forget to look for your childrens bottom. They can't do it for themselves as minors and that's where we have to be the responsible adult.

I never had a strong family when I was growing up.. I never knew my real dad and I've always had the dream of having my family together...I am seeing that I need to get things moving. I am not just sitting idle.. it's just difficult waiting while I get things in order. Even though he's not working full weeks like he's supposed to, I am putting my own money back and trying to get back in with the second attorney to discuss options.

Too tired to leave??????? I left in March and went back and it was exhausting. I thought I'd wear him down and get him to see that things aren't working so that he'd let me leave in peace... just doesn't seem to be going in my direction. But I still haven't given up my plans.

I can't even think of how to respond to that.....* politely anyway

I can. It's an excuse. She has not reached bottom, yet.

I would never argue with that....because you are probably right. Maybe I think I'm there... but would be out if I was truly....

[]

elizabeth1979

Being too tired..
BTDT..

In reality and hindsight..it takes SO MUCH more energy to stay than to leave.

Beautiful

I think I would rephrase the question to, "Why am I tolerating this behavior?"

If it weren't booze, it could easily be a spouse that drives a car without glasses and crashes. How many times is it ok to put you and your children at risk before you decide enough is enough?

My take on this is that you have given the A in your life the power over your decisions. "Hope" without action behind it is just a word. Take your power back and the answers come clearly and quickly.

That's my two cents.

pmaslan

Hey Beautiful glad to see you...how are things in your world?

Beautiful

Doing very well. Things are settled and the chaos is settled as well.

As for my big huge balls in the "married to an A" book, they are prize winners, I tell ya'! Once I decided what I wanted out of life, RAH had the "opportunity" to live it with me or get his sh*t and get out.

I'm not angry, I'm just leveling the playing field.

How's things with you? Hear you BBQ'd at Jazz's......

pmaslan

good to hear...wasn't sure what was happening in your life.

Things are really going good for me. No chaos or craziness going on
which is a blessing. Peace is something I never respected before
but praise now.
Jazz, I just love him...it was wonderful meeting him and his family...
and all the others from SR that were there.

Don S

My decision to choose abstinence was prompted by marital separation. I don't happen to share the 'hit bottom' idea, but that was a turning point. So if any of you are wondering whether moving out might prompt a change, I can say that in my case it did.
I happen to believe that many people can and do conquer sobriety alone. But it can be very useful to have peer support from programs like SMART Recovery, SOS, or LifeRing.
Surrender is a term I don't agree with. It's a process of enacting behavior change, which involves learning new tools for managing stresses and drinking triggers.

Missy

I know that would probably happen in my case so why I am clinging to hope by staying... I dont know.
Every morning when I get ready for work... I hear the same stuff... Who are you getting ready for? Who is buying you lunch today? why are you wearing that color? Why are you wearing those shoes???
day after day. He has already been band from calling me at work by our company. We work for the same place. Just different locations and he was written up a couple of weeks ago for making too many nasty calls to me during working hours. They went on the system and he made 26 calls in 2 hours to my desk phone... At least that doesnt happen anymore.
I need a good Plan B. I've been goiing by my sister, but soo much going on in her house. I just want QUIET. It is probably worth a hotel for a night or two.
I will connect with my sponsor on setting up a plan "B". I just hate getting family and friends involved with what I have. Everyone has their own "stuff"
thanks everyone for your input... really helps as you all know....
karen xo

pmaslan

Why get family and friends involved? Plan B can be something that
you can do or put together.

Missy

like what? I dont want to make a pernament move right now.. just get away once in a while. divorce isnt an option right now. Been there before and want to avoid that mess We live in a large Codo unit and some neighbors said I can come to their place If i want to. They do hear him yelling once in a while
Thing is... he doesnt remember and I HATE THAT. thinking of audio recording him once but that would go on deaf ears at my expense.

pmaslan

I don't know I don't think I would want to involve my neighbors in
my condo community, but heck that is just me. When I was in the
relationship with me exA I made him leave. it was my place, if anyone
was leaving it was him. He went willingly, but then again, he was a
easy going non- combative type of drunk.
From what I understand yours won't go or you haven't asked him
(not clear on that) so the alternative is for you to go.
Check out local hotels and find one with decent pricing and
accommodations. Pack a bag and keep it in the trunk of your car.
BTW recording him for his listening pleasure does no good...BTDT