JessicaNAJ

Should I go, or not? I work in the same building, it's during my lunch hour. I'm undecided. What would be the point? I could look up whatever I needed to know on the website. Do I want to go b/c I'm curious, or b/c I want him to know that I do care?

And, if anyone's curious, I have not bailed him out.

denny57

Jessica, a long way back I said something similar to my therapist, about wanting him to know I still cared. She said "he knows that - what has he done about it?" I realized I would be doing it for me - just to see if maybe this time . . .

Only you can decide; I can say I'm very glad I did not do it.

((()))

StandingStrong

I don't know what to tell you on this one Jessica. I guess I'd wonder the real reason of why you'd like to be there.
Has he asked you to be there?

When AH got his DUI, he told me when he was going to court, etc. He did not ask me to go - and I didn't mention going either.
Then again, he didn't ask me for money or anything at all to do with his DUI.
It was his issue, not mine.
I didn't involve myself in it any way.
(As far as I know, AH still hasn't even attended the AA meetings that the court ordered him to attend! I have not asked nor do we discuss it.)
You see, it's not my problem. I am not involved.
This was something that AH did and needed to be held responsible for.
I chose to not involve myself.
But that was just my decision.

Whatever you decide Jessica, I really hope that you do the right thing for the right reasons.


Sidenote: Are you prepared for what you may see? What if he looks pathetic? Are you strong enough to realize that it may appear different than it is? Are you prepared to stand up and see that he may use that as a card to play? He's so sorry this time and you showing up giving him false hope, etc. as I know that he's taken your kindnesses before as hope?
Think it through Jessica - all aspects of it.

ICU

Jess,

I've thought about what I might do if I were in your shoes. I'd like to believe that at this point in my recovery, I would handle it this way....

Since his court appearance is scheduled during my lunch hour, I would leave the building and treat myself to a nice lunch at a restaurant! Or, if I didn't have the funds for that, I would pack myself a picnic lunch and go to the park and eat there! I would enjoy the fact that I'm treating myself to something special that I deserve and in doing that, I'm taking good care of myself.

It's just something to consider!

elizabeth1979

Ive also been in your shoes..since you asked..Im all the way with the others..I wouldnt go..hands off the addict, not your business, dont get entangled.

pmaslan

Like you said if you are curious it's all at your fingertips on the net.
Other than that Denny is right he knows you care....
What has he done about it?