Do I give him yet another chance in the hopes that he is really in recovery?
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 66
Do I give him yet another chance in the hopes that he is really in recovery?
I haven't posted in quite awhile, mostly because I still have the same dilemas and worries. I think it's time for me to make a decision so I am going to lay it out there one more time to ask for any advice.
Ok, here is my story in a nutshell. I met my husband when I was 14, we dated for 7 years before I became pregnant. I had my son and soon after we got married. The problem, my husband is an alcoholic. Things weren't so bad, but they got worse, worse than I could have ever imagined. But with one kid, I could pick up and go as I pleased or as I needed to. Five years later I got pregnant again, I ended up in the hospital and I almost lost my baby, of course my husband was too drunk to realize it. When he finally realized it, he got a little scared and sobered up. He remained sober for the next year and I got pregnant again. 3 days before what would have been our 2nd sober Christmas he relapsed. His story; he had the flu, took Nyquil, drank Nyquil, then went to alcohol and then of course to Vodka. He kept getting worse, acting insane and suicidal. We tried; psych wards, hospitals, AA, church, rehab, etc to no avail. Finally I told him he had to leave. The situation became dangerous for me and the children. He was leaving the kids alone to go the liquor store, drinking and driving with the kids, leaving butcher knives near the kids, telling my son to shoot him, more & more & more.He missed our 3rd childs birth because he broke his probation by drinking and got thrown back in jail for a dui. Anyways he left and he got worse and worse, one time he staid sober for almost 3months before relapsing again. During this time I filed for separation and met another man. Actually I met this man through him in a way. He got drunk at work and had to be taken to the hospital b/c he passed out. His boss met me at the hospital, he kept me company all night and from there we became friends and things went from there. My husband knows about this other guy. My husband got kicked out of his apt b/c he created an unhealthy living environment; urine, feces, old food, etc. all over the. This whole time I've been trying to help him, which I know has been enabling him. Cleaning his apt, taking him to hospitals, paying his insurance, buying him clothes, etc. Anyway, now he got kicked out the homeless shelter due to his drinking. Social services finally got involved and got him into a Christian rehab. He has not been able to have any outside contact for the 1st month, which it almost has been. He has to go to AA and religious services daily. For the 1st time I feel like he actually has the right help and may turn around. The thing is do I take that risk. He had been sober before for two years before relapsing. I love him with my whole heart, my kids miss him (except the 2 year old baby who doesn't really know him.) My almost 9 year old son only spent 1 sober Christmas with him and 2 of every other holiday or birthday due to his drinking. The 22 months that my husband was sober were pretty perfect, we had a wonderful family life. Now my husband has been out of our home since 2003 do I go backwards to take the chance of saving our family or move on. This other man is ideal, he is good to me and my kids, he has a beautiful home. He's a hard worker, doing very well in his career. He treats me like a princess and I am very happy except when my kids miss their dad. I do miss our family, but I don't know if it is really worth that chance. I need to make a decision, file for divorce or not, I have been separated since Dec 2003. I greatly appreciate any advice, thank you!
Ok, here is my story in a nutshell. I met my husband when I was 14, we dated for 7 years before I became pregnant. I had my son and soon after we got married. The problem, my husband is an alcoholic. Things weren't so bad, but they got worse, worse than I could have ever imagined. But with one kid, I could pick up and go as I pleased or as I needed to. Five years later I got pregnant again, I ended up in the hospital and I almost lost my baby, of course my husband was too drunk to realize it. When he finally realized it, he got a little scared and sobered up. He remained sober for the next year and I got pregnant again. 3 days before what would have been our 2nd sober Christmas he relapsed. His story; he had the flu, took Nyquil, drank Nyquil, then went to alcohol and then of course to Vodka. He kept getting worse, acting insane and suicidal. We tried; psych wards, hospitals, AA, church, rehab, etc to no avail. Finally I told him he had to leave. The situation became dangerous for me and the children. He was leaving the kids alone to go the liquor store, drinking and driving with the kids, leaving butcher knives near the kids, telling my son to shoot him, more & more & more.He missed our 3rd childs birth because he broke his probation by drinking and got thrown back in jail for a dui. Anyways he left and he got worse and worse, one time he staid sober for almost 3months before relapsing again. During this time I filed for separation and met another man. Actually I met this man through him in a way. He got drunk at work and had to be taken to the hospital b/c he passed out. His boss met me at the hospital, he kept me company all night and from there we became friends and things went from there. My husband knows about this other guy. My husband got kicked out of his apt b/c he created an unhealthy living environment; urine, feces, old food, etc. all over the. This whole time I've been trying to help him, which I know has been enabling him. Cleaning his apt, taking him to hospitals, paying his insurance, buying him clothes, etc. Anyway, now he got kicked out the homeless shelter due to his drinking. Social services finally got involved and got him into a Christian rehab. He has not been able to have any outside contact for the 1st month, which it almost has been. He has to go to AA and religious services daily. For the 1st time I feel like he actually has the right help and may turn around. The thing is do I take that risk. He had been sober before for two years before relapsing. I love him with my whole heart, my kids miss him (except the 2 year old baby who doesn't really know him.) My almost 9 year old son only spent 1 sober Christmas with him and 2 of every other holiday or birthday due to his drinking. The 22 months that my husband was sober were pretty perfect, we had a wonderful family life. Now my husband has been out of our home since 2003 do I go backwards to take the chance of saving our family or move on. This other man is ideal, he is good to me and my kids, he has a beautiful home. He's a hard worker, doing very well in his career. He treats me like a princess and I am very happy except when my kids miss their dad. I do miss our family, but I don't know if it is really worth that chance. I need to make a decision, file for divorce or not, I have been separated since Dec 2003. I greatly appreciate any advice, thank you!
Originally Posted by kmagk
I need to make a decision, file for divorce or not, I have been separated since Dec 2003. I greatly appreciate any advice, thank you!
JMO,
L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 66
Very good point, I'm just tired of living in such uncertainty. I am tired of being a single mom of three kids. I want a family, I want someone to help me raise my children. I want a good life, not a chaotic one. On top of that it isn't fair for me to be dating someone when I am not sure if I want to be divorced.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
Why do you need to make a decision? It sounds to me like you are not sure what to do, so why rush it? And, even if you do file for divorce, who says it has to mean forever? I have learned that if I am unsure of what to do, then maybe I need to not do anything until I am sure.
JMO,
L
JMO,
L
What LTD said.
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by kmagk
I haven't posted in quite awhile, mostly because I still have the same dilemas and worries. I think it's time for me to make a decision so I am going to lay it out there one more time to ask for any advice.
Ok, here is my story in a nutshell. I met my husband when I was 14, we dated for 7 years before I became pregnant. I had my son and soon after we got married. The problem, my husband is an alcoholic. Things weren't so bad, but they got worse, worse than I could have ever imagined. But with one kid, I could pick up and go as I pleased or as I needed to. Five years later I got pregnant again, I ended up in the hospital and I almost lost my baby, of course my husband was too drunk to realize it. When he finally realized it, he got a little scared and sobered up. He remained sober for the next year and I got pregnant again. 3 days before what would have been our 2nd sober Christmas he relapsed. His story; he had the flu, took Nyquil, drank Nyquil, then went to alcohol and then of course to Vodka. He kept getting worse, acting insane and suicidal. We tried; psych wards, hospitals, AA, church, rehab, etc to no avail. Finally I told him he had to leave. The situation became dangerous for me and the children. He was leaving the kids alone to go the liquor store, drinking and driving with the kids, leaving butcher knives near the kids, telling my son to shoot him, more & more & more.He missed our 3rd childs birth because he broke his probation by drinking and got thrown back in jail for a dui. Anyways he left and he got worse and worse, one time he staid sober for almost 3months before relapsing again. During this time I filed for separation and met another man. Actually I met this man through him in a way. He got drunk at work and had to be taken to the hospital b/c he passed out. His boss met me at the hospital, he kept me company all night and from there we became friends and things went from there. My husband knows about this other guy. My husband got kicked out of his apt b/c he created an unhealthy living environment; urine, feces, old food, etc. all over the. This whole time I've been trying to help him, which I know has been enabling him. Cleaning his apt, taking him to hospitals, paying his insurance, buying him clothes, etc. Anyway, now he got kicked out the homeless shelter due to his drinking. Social services finally got involved and got him into a Christian rehab. He has not been able to have any outside contact for the 1st month, which it almost has been. He has to go to AA and religious services daily. For the 1st time I feel like he actually has the right help and may turn around. The thing is do I take that risk. He had been sober before for two years before relapsing. I love him with my whole heart, my kids miss him (except the 2 year old baby who doesn't really know him.) My almost 9 year old son only spent 1 sober Christmas with him and 2 of every other holiday or birthday due to his drinking. The 22 months that my husband was sober were pretty perfect, we had a wonderful family life. Now my husband has been out of our home since 2003 do I go backwards to take the chance of saving our family or move on. This other man is ideal, he is good to me and my kids, he has a beautiful home. He's a hard worker, doing very well in his career. He treats me like a princess and I am very happy except when my kids miss their dad. I do miss our family, but I don't know if it is really worth that chance. I need to make a decision, file for divorce or not, I have been separated since Dec 2003. I greatly appreciate any advice, thank you!
Ok, here is my story in a nutshell. I met my husband when I was 14, we dated for 7 years before I became pregnant. I had my son and soon after we got married. The problem, my husband is an alcoholic. Things weren't so bad, but they got worse, worse than I could have ever imagined. But with one kid, I could pick up and go as I pleased or as I needed to. Five years later I got pregnant again, I ended up in the hospital and I almost lost my baby, of course my husband was too drunk to realize it. When he finally realized it, he got a little scared and sobered up. He remained sober for the next year and I got pregnant again. 3 days before what would have been our 2nd sober Christmas he relapsed. His story; he had the flu, took Nyquil, drank Nyquil, then went to alcohol and then of course to Vodka. He kept getting worse, acting insane and suicidal. We tried; psych wards, hospitals, AA, church, rehab, etc to no avail. Finally I told him he had to leave. The situation became dangerous for me and the children. He was leaving the kids alone to go the liquor store, drinking and driving with the kids, leaving butcher knives near the kids, telling my son to shoot him, more & more & more.He missed our 3rd childs birth because he broke his probation by drinking and got thrown back in jail for a dui. Anyways he left and he got worse and worse, one time he staid sober for almost 3months before relapsing again. During this time I filed for separation and met another man. Actually I met this man through him in a way. He got drunk at work and had to be taken to the hospital b/c he passed out. His boss met me at the hospital, he kept me company all night and from there we became friends and things went from there. My husband knows about this other guy. My husband got kicked out of his apt b/c he created an unhealthy living environment; urine, feces, old food, etc. all over the. This whole time I've been trying to help him, which I know has been enabling him. Cleaning his apt, taking him to hospitals, paying his insurance, buying him clothes, etc. Anyway, now he got kicked out the homeless shelter due to his drinking. Social services finally got involved and got him into a Christian rehab. He has not been able to have any outside contact for the 1st month, which it almost has been. He has to go to AA and religious services daily. For the 1st time I feel like he actually has the right help and may turn around. The thing is do I take that risk. He had been sober before for two years before relapsing. I love him with my whole heart, my kids miss him (except the 2 year old baby who doesn't really know him.) My almost 9 year old son only spent 1 sober Christmas with him and 2 of every other holiday or birthday due to his drinking. The 22 months that my husband was sober were pretty perfect, we had a wonderful family life. Now my husband has been out of our home since 2003 do I go backwards to take the chance of saving our family or move on. This other man is ideal, he is good to me and my kids, he has a beautiful home. He's a hard worker, doing very well in his career. He treats me like a princess and I am very happy except when my kids miss their dad. I do miss our family, but I don't know if it is really worth that chance. I need to make a decision, file for divorce or not, I have been separated since Dec 2003. I greatly appreciate any advice, thank you!
Hi there. I don't know any of your situation other than this, so I apologize if I say things or ask questions that you've already answered somewhere else.
You specifically asked for advice, so here's what I've got:
First, have you sought out any kind of help for yourself? From the way your post reads, it sounds as though you've been living in chaos for a long time. Look up Alanon information/meetings in your area...as the radio spots around here have said, "If you want to help him, you have to help yourself."
I try not to be judgmental...but, IMO, you are not yet legally divorced from your husband and in a romantic-type relationship...that is cheating, in my book (regardless of whether or not you've had sex with this man). I've had a difficult time admitting that was exactly what I was doing 9 years ago....my first AH had kicked me out, we weren't living together anymore, he had filed, but we were still legally married. It was infidelity...no matter what color I wanted to paint it.
From my experience, I can tell you that I realized that my second husband (also abusive, from whom I am now seeking a divorce) was attracted to a very sick woman (me) who had just come out of a very abusive hurtful relationship. A healthy man is attracted to a healthy woman. I'm not trying to judge your state of mind, just speaking from my experience.
But, ask yourself this: Why are you even considering taking H back? What does new bf think of this?
IMO,
1. take some time...give H a chance (1 year +)--living separately from you--to prove that he is serious about staying sober and changing himself. At that time, ask yourself, "Has he changed? What is better?" If you don't trust your instincts, ask your children what they think...children, unless traumatized, will mostly give the un-edited truth when given the chance.
2. Ask bf to give you some time and space...what you see as "wonderful" now, may turn out to be just "different" in time...and watch his reaction. A healthy man will understand your need to figure things out on your own, without pressuring you or pouting or becoming emotionally abusive. Please don't get yourself into a situation where, years from now, you find yourself committed to a different kind of abuse.
3. Take the time to become reacquainted with yourself, and your children. Really, please at least call and get information about an Alanon meeting. Your boy might be just getting old enough for Alateen...no doubt he has already witnessed things in your home which have molded his personality.
4. Please, Please PLEASE STOP paying for and caretaking for AH. He is an adult. The worst thing you can do for anyone is to cripple them by taking away their opportunity to take care of themselves. Let him stumble and fall a little, and look around realizing nobody's going to do it for him. That's when real growth (if he chooses it) can begin.
Know these things are said in love, not judgment or superiority...I can relate, at least to some of what you are going through.
Take Care,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Not sure what to tell you except I would give this careful thought and consideration before acting. It's gone on this long, I'd take a little more time and really examine things.
As for is your husband really in recovery this time? Only time will tell. He is in a controlled environment right now. What happens when he gets out? Again, only time will tell. I know I had to be really ready to quit before I had a chance. I had talked the talk numerous times but there was no meaningful action behind it therefore nothing changed. Actions speak louder than words so in regards to your husband's recovery I'd sit back and watch and see.
Not sure what to say about the other man so I'll let others address that.
Hugs,
Kellye
As for is your husband really in recovery this time? Only time will tell. He is in a controlled environment right now. What happens when he gets out? Again, only time will tell. I know I had to be really ready to quit before I had a chance. I had talked the talk numerous times but there was no meaningful action behind it therefore nothing changed. Actions speak louder than words so in regards to your husband's recovery I'd sit back and watch and see.
Not sure what to say about the other man so I'll let others address that.
Hugs,
Kellye
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 66
Thanks for the advoice so far. You all certainly have me thinking. As for the boyfirend, I know I am not legally divorced and am therefore cheating on my husband and my only thoughts on that are that my husband abandoned my family a very long time ago. With that said it is no excuse in my eyes and certainly not in the eyes of God. Which is yet another eason why I kind of think I should just clothes the doors on everyone and be alone for a while. Take care of me and my kids. The thing is I want to move on , am I not ready to? Maybe not.
You are right my husband is in a controlled environment, he has stayed sober before for 3 months on his own and even 22 months. I don;t know much and I am confused as all heck, but I do know that I NEVER want to go through the living hell that he put us through again.
You are right my husband is in a controlled environment, he has stayed sober before for 3 months on his own and even 22 months. I don;t know much and I am confused as all heck, but I do know that I NEVER want to go through the living hell that he put us through again.
Why give up a calm life you are now leading. It sounds like you have met a wonderful man who treats you and your children very well and could provide a stable and comfortable home for all of you. You've been down the road that leads to relapse and chaos and unhappiness. You are on a new path now, why go back? There is a bright positive future iright in front of you, let go of the grief and unhappiness from the past and live a happy life with your children.
Yes, it's sad they don't have a father who participates in there life, but the participation so far from him hasn't been healthy for them either. The new man sounds like someone who could be positive in there lives, not someone to replace there father, just a positive adult male for them to be around.
Take your time and really think about this, it's true, there is no rush on you making a decision right now.
Yes, it's sad they don't have a father who participates in there life, but the participation so far from him hasn't been healthy for them either. The new man sounds like someone who could be positive in there lives, not someone to replace there father, just a positive adult male for them to be around.
Take your time and really think about this, it's true, there is no rush on you making a decision right now.
Consider this. Just being sober is no guarentee your husband would beome a great person to live with. My husband embraced the AA program to an addicted amount. He was gone Mon night, Wed night, Fridya night and most of the day Sat and Sun-going to the meetings and having fun with his home group. I basically raised our two children. Then 12 years into sobriety he begins a long time affair with a woman also in AA I was clueless for many years-being the good little alanon and never questioning his need for so many meetings.
My advice- divorce yoiur husband so you will be guilt free, and see how the new romance goes. The bf sounds promising. Good luck and take care, dax
My advice- divorce yoiur husband so you will be guilt free, and see how the new romance goes. The bf sounds promising. Good luck and take care, dax
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This whole time I've been trying to help him, which I know has been enabling him.
For the 1st time I feel like he actually has the right help and may turn around.
I love him with my whole heart,
do I go backwards to take the chance of saving our family or move on.
I would suggest counseling for yourself and your children. Sounds as though they have been through the ringer.
I keep coming back to your post, wanting to respond and yet not really sure what to say.
Ya see, AH and I seperated in March of 2004.
I started hanging out with a male friend of mine and things progressed into a relationship, without my having even realized it until it was already there!
I had to do a lot of soul searching then. As was mentioned earlier, I too am a believer that you are married until the divorce/dissolution is finalized.
So, here I was, kind of stuck in a place similar to where you are.
I had hurt my AH, I had hurt my friend, and I'd hurt my children, and I'd hurt myself. All in different ways, but I'd hurt them nonetheless.
I chose to take time for ME!!! I knew that I was confused and in an unhealthy place.
As it stands today......AH and I are still seperated but not legally divorced. I remain friends only with my male friend with very limited contact. And I still have feelings and what I consider "unresolved feelings and issues" with AH, though we do have contact on a fairly regular basis while progressing through our upcoming dissolution.
A confusing mess, I know.
But what I found was that I'd hurt my AH, when I really didn't mean too.
I'd also encouraged my friend to have feelings for me without realizing the pain I'd cause him. It was unfair to him.
I realized that I was not being what I consider a good role model for my children.
And I'd also done something that was not really who I thought I was - and I had managed to make an already bad situation worse.
Ah still does not want the dissolution.
The male friend still would like to have a chance to have a relationship with me someday.
Me - I'm focusing on me!!!!!!
I can only tell you that I realized that I needed to get honest and fix myself! It wasn't about a man - my problems, my confusion, my doubts, etc. were all about me!!!!!!
Hope you fix the relationship you have with yourself. I think that then, you will have a lot clearer picture to be able to answer your own questions.
Ya see, AH and I seperated in March of 2004.
I started hanging out with a male friend of mine and things progressed into a relationship, without my having even realized it until it was already there!
I had to do a lot of soul searching then. As was mentioned earlier, I too am a believer that you are married until the divorce/dissolution is finalized.
So, here I was, kind of stuck in a place similar to where you are.
I had hurt my AH, I had hurt my friend, and I'd hurt my children, and I'd hurt myself. All in different ways, but I'd hurt them nonetheless.
I chose to take time for ME!!! I knew that I was confused and in an unhealthy place.
As it stands today......AH and I are still seperated but not legally divorced. I remain friends only with my male friend with very limited contact. And I still have feelings and what I consider "unresolved feelings and issues" with AH, though we do have contact on a fairly regular basis while progressing through our upcoming dissolution.
A confusing mess, I know.
But what I found was that I'd hurt my AH, when I really didn't mean too.
I'd also encouraged my friend to have feelings for me without realizing the pain I'd cause him. It was unfair to him.
I realized that I was not being what I consider a good role model for my children.
And I'd also done something that was not really who I thought I was - and I had managed to make an already bad situation worse.
Ah still does not want the dissolution.
The male friend still would like to have a chance to have a relationship with me someday.
Me - I'm focusing on me!!!!!!
I can only tell you that I realized that I needed to get honest and fix myself! It wasn't about a man - my problems, my confusion, my doubts, etc. were all about me!!!!!!
Hope you fix the relationship you have with yourself. I think that then, you will have a lot clearer picture to be able to answer your own questions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NO. BNFD, CT
Posts: 2
been in the same situation
Originally Posted by kmagk
Very good point, I'm just tired of living in such uncertainty. I am tired of being a single mom of three kids. I want a family, I want someone to help me raise my children. I want a good life, not a chaotic one. On top of that it isn't fair for me to be dating someone when I am not sure if I want to be divorced.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I am tired of being a single mom of three kids. I want a family, I want someone to help me raise my children. I want a good life, not a chaotic one.
Walk away from the active alcoholic and find a healthy partner.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by Jazzman
Stop it. You are not helping him.
There is no crystal ball when it comes to addiction.
Hmmm, not very fair to the new man, your husbands boss! (nice touch)
Doesn't sound like you ever had much of a family TBH. Not trying to be mean but it might be that you minimized the impact of your AHs drinking.
I would suggest counseling for yourself and your children. Sounds as though they have been through the ringer.
There is no crystal ball when it comes to addiction.
Hmmm, not very fair to the new man, your husbands boss! (nice touch)
Doesn't sound like you ever had much of a family TBH. Not trying to be mean but it might be that you minimized the impact of your AHs drinking.
I would suggest counseling for yourself and your children. Sounds as though they have been through the ringer.
My husband's boss, a nice touch. Yea, I guess so. Certainly not what I intended, just wasn't use to having someone be nice to meand worry about me. I wasn't use to laughing. How sad? I had never met the man before in my life and it wasn't like this was someone he worked with daily or knew very well. Regardless, I shouldn't have went there. I was a pregnant mom of two kids who had been abandoned, sorry I wasn't thinking so clearly. I know these aren't excuses and at the time I certainly didn't plan on even thinking about reconciling with my husband. As for nice touches, I think breaking probation and being sent back to jail when your wife is due to have your baby at any moment is quite a nice touch in it's self.
As for a family, yea my kids have been through the ringer, but they are loved and they know their parent's love each other. Yes, my bf knows that I will always love my husband with my whole heart. My husband is the father of my three children, he is family. I never stop loving family, doesn't mean I like them all that much, at least at this moment. Counseling for me & the children is happening, thank you, I know we all need it.
Please don't think I am being mean, I greatly appreciate your advice, In fact I needed it. I'm just angry at my confusion. I think I am more worried about what my children want then what they need and you are right, we don't have a crystal ball and that tells me that there is no guarantee that my husband will remain sober. Which tells me that there can be no going back. I can't have a drunk, insane man telling my child to shoot him or have my children be driven down the wrong side of the road in a pretty much stolen vehicle. Yea that was my life and it's not no more, so I just answered my own question, I can't take the chance of going backward.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by kmagk
That's the problem; when he was active, I knew exactly what I wanted, but every time he get's sober and seems like he's on the right track, I doubt myself.
It's when you look at the kids and how they are impacted is where the motivation comes to get off the ride. I know that's were my motivation came from. The responsible adult thing kicks in and change happens.
This really would be a gamble. The stakes are high and the odds not very good.
If he stays clean a year and works a program of recovery, the odds improve tremendously. Maybe you should think about waiting until then.
If he stays clean a year and works a program of recovery, the odds improve tremendously. Maybe you should think about waiting until then.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 66
Waiting a year sounds like a good solution, but I've seen him get 22 months in and then relapse 3 days before Christmas. I think I will always be wondering if and when it's going to be taken away from us again.
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