I feel so low...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 20
I feel so low...
I feel awful. My A left Friday morning after I got home from taking the kids to school. As a forethought, I went and withdrew $200 out of our checking account. It's a good thing I did because I wouldn't have anything right now. His direct deposit went in Friday, but he told me not to go to the bank because there was no money in the account. He took it all. He has checked himself into one of those motels that rents by the week. He said that it took all of the money, but it's strange that the motel charges $160.00 per week.
Anyway, bills are due including rent. I have nothing but $100 and a child support check for $400. That won't even cover rent, much less anything else.
I am currently not working, but I've put in several job applications and worked Monday at a day care as my "try out day". I'll hear from them at the end of the week. Also got another application in at a factory that's expanding, but they aren't hiring right now. But that looks good, too.
Here is my question and I feel like scum of the earth for asking strangers if they can help me out. Could you? I don't know where else to turn. I've prayed to God to help me out. I've also been doing a lot of praying about marriage to my A. One of the things I said to him is that there will be no more liquor coming into this house. Also, we will have counseling by my pastor. He didn't like either one of those too much, so I don't know if he's coming back.
If you are able to help, please send me a private message.
I am really depressed, and just feel terrible about asking. If you can help, that's good. If you can't, I would appreciate your prayers.
Thank you,
Cindy
Anyway, bills are due including rent. I have nothing but $100 and a child support check for $400. That won't even cover rent, much less anything else.
I am currently not working, but I've put in several job applications and worked Monday at a day care as my "try out day". I'll hear from them at the end of the week. Also got another application in at a factory that's expanding, but they aren't hiring right now. But that looks good, too.
Here is my question and I feel like scum of the earth for asking strangers if they can help me out. Could you? I don't know where else to turn. I've prayed to God to help me out. I've also been doing a lot of praying about marriage to my A. One of the things I said to him is that there will be no more liquor coming into this house. Also, we will have counseling by my pastor. He didn't like either one of those too much, so I don't know if he's coming back.
If you are able to help, please send me a private message.
I am really depressed, and just feel terrible about asking. If you can help, that's good. If you can't, I would appreciate your prayers.
Thank you,
Cindy
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
My heart goes out to you.....
I was reading your post and I pray that someone will help you financially on here.
You don't know if your "A" is coming back ? Why would you want him back? I am not understanding this. Allthough I have an understanding to how you must feel now and why you would say these things. Have you been in AlAnon or joined a CODA group where you live? I highly recommand this to you because you must get this help for you. Do not waste another second thinking about if your "A" is coming back or what he is doing or not . I does not matter!. Think about you and what you need to do now. There are many options you have one of them would be food stamps. Help from friends and family. Get yourself well and heal yourself. There is a "reason" why you "choose" to live such a horrible life. You don't have to you know. Please think about what I said. Everyone has choices, if not for you , than make them for your child, they deserve better. Much love and God's speed!
You don't know if your "A" is coming back ? Why would you want him back? I am not understanding this. Allthough I have an understanding to how you must feel now and why you would say these things. Have you been in AlAnon or joined a CODA group where you live? I highly recommand this to you because you must get this help for you. Do not waste another second thinking about if your "A" is coming back or what he is doing or not . I does not matter!. Think about you and what you need to do now. There are many options you have one of them would be food stamps. Help from friends and family. Get yourself well and heal yourself. There is a "reason" why you "choose" to live such a horrible life. You don't have to you know. Please think about what I said. Everyone has choices, if not for you , than make them for your child, they deserve better. Much love and God's speed!
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 4
Dear Cindy,
It sounds as if you are working hard, putting in applications and trying out at the day care center...doing these things is a great and difficult first step. Bravo to you for continuing on, and putting in a good effort.
I don't live in Tenn., but I found a page of women's resources in Tenn. on the internet. It seems to have career counseling, psychological counseling, and many other resources. Don't know if any of them are where you live, but I thought maybe they might help. http://www.cfw.utk.edu/wc_resources.html
By the way, you are not "scum" for reaching out!! On the contrary, you are doing the smartest thing. We can't know what form the help will be in...but if we don't ask for it or seek it, we might not find it as quickly. I've gotten enormous amounts of help in dealing with my life since finding out about my A, and much of it would have never happened if I hadn't have reached out to others..ie. teachers, community counseling centers, old friends with whom I hadn't connected with in a long while.
The process can be maddening, but please don't give up. You can do it.
Mimi
It sounds as if you are working hard, putting in applications and trying out at the day care center...doing these things is a great and difficult first step. Bravo to you for continuing on, and putting in a good effort.
I don't live in Tenn., but I found a page of women's resources in Tenn. on the internet. It seems to have career counseling, psychological counseling, and many other resources. Don't know if any of them are where you live, but I thought maybe they might help. http://www.cfw.utk.edu/wc_resources.html
By the way, you are not "scum" for reaching out!! On the contrary, you are doing the smartest thing. We can't know what form the help will be in...but if we don't ask for it or seek it, we might not find it as quickly. I've gotten enormous amounts of help in dealing with my life since finding out about my A, and much of it would have never happened if I hadn't have reached out to others..ie. teachers, community counseling centers, old friends with whom I hadn't connected with in a long while.
The process can be maddening, but please don't give up. You can do it.
Mimi
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 20
thanks,mimi
I wanted to write to you before I try out that website.
I am feeling really depressed and low today, but I feel that God helped me out with this idea.
Yes, I'm working hard to try to get my life back together. And today I just feel really down. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, and believe me, I've asked! I just guess he doesn't want me to know right now.
I hope to get back with my A because I do love him in spite of what he's done. But he's going to have to want to change and stop drinking. If he can't do that, then I know there's nothing else I can do.
I'll keep you posted on what happens.
Thanks,
Cindy
I am feeling really depressed and low today, but I feel that God helped me out with this idea.
Yes, I'm working hard to try to get my life back together. And today I just feel really down. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, and believe me, I've asked! I just guess he doesn't want me to know right now.
I hope to get back with my A because I do love him in spite of what he's done. But he's going to have to want to change and stop drinking. If he can't do that, then I know there's nothing else I can do.
I'll keep you posted on what happens.
Thanks,
Cindy
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 4
I've been there!
Hi Cindy,
I too, have had my really downer days -- especially in the beginning, when I was first dealing with my A's addiction. It was horrifying. I can't believe how helpful Naranon was/is for me in dealing with depressing times. I didn't really think that it would be when I first went, and I was resentful at the thought of having to go at all, but I did go. Although it took me several meetings before I thought I could share, I was able to learn so much about addiction, our anger/fear, the ability to focus on ourselves, and detachment -- just by listening to others. Over time, I felt that the group meetings (and individual phone calls to members) were a really big part of the support network I have to help me with the unique situations that we deal with. It's great to talk with people who've been there!!
Have you had an opportunity to check out any Alanon meetings in your area?
Keep your chin up,
Mimi
I too, have had my really downer days -- especially in the beginning, when I was first dealing with my A's addiction. It was horrifying. I can't believe how helpful Naranon was/is for me in dealing with depressing times. I didn't really think that it would be when I first went, and I was resentful at the thought of having to go at all, but I did go. Although it took me several meetings before I thought I could share, I was able to learn so much about addiction, our anger/fear, the ability to focus on ourselves, and detachment -- just by listening to others. Over time, I felt that the group meetings (and individual phone calls to members) were a really big part of the support network I have to help me with the unique situations that we deal with. It's great to talk with people who've been there!!
Have you had an opportunity to check out any Alanon meetings in your area?
Keep your chin up,
Mimi
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Cindy,
Have you spoken with your minister? Many ministers have discretionary funds that they use to help someone that is in critical financial need. At our church we get requests from members of the community as well. I am praying for you. I have also struggled with feeling so low and with not hearing answers to prayer. I have learned that my prayer is not always answered in the timeframe or in the way I would like or expect. Hang in there. God is with you and so are we. Share often.
Have you spoken with your minister? Many ministers have discretionary funds that they use to help someone that is in critical financial need. At our church we get requests from members of the community as well. I am praying for you. I have also struggled with feeling so low and with not hearing answers to prayer. I have learned that my prayer is not always answered in the timeframe or in the way I would like or expect. Hang in there. God is with you and so are we. Share often.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 20
Mimi,
There is a local chapter of al anon. They will meet this Saturday morning at the church that I've been attending. I plan on going.
I don't know how much good it will do, though. I seriously doubt he's coming back.
My money situation has gotten me so depressed today that I can barely think. I think just about anything could get me crying, and I'd hate for my girls to see me this way. But, they know the situation, which helps.
Thanks girl!
Cindy
There is a local chapter of al anon. They will meet this Saturday morning at the church that I've been attending. I plan on going.
I don't know how much good it will do, though. I seriously doubt he's coming back.
My money situation has gotten me so depressed today that I can barely think. I think just about anything could get me crying, and I'd hate for my girls to see me this way. But, they know the situation, which helps.
Thanks girl!
Cindy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 20
prettywoman..
I'm beginning to wonder why I would want him back. I do still love him in spite of the pain he's caused. If he does decide to come back, NO MORE LIQUOR in this house.
Once again, he didn't go to work today. Our checking account is overdrawn, and I"m going tomorrow to get my name taken off of it. I don't want him writing any more and it coming back on me.
I'm still praying to God for help in the decision about the marriage and for monetary help.
There is a church I've been going to that may be able to help out some. It's very small..less than 100 members. I hope they can do something.
Cindy
I'm beginning to wonder why I would want him back. I do still love him in spite of the pain he's caused. If he does decide to come back, NO MORE LIQUOR in this house.
Once again, he didn't go to work today. Our checking account is overdrawn, and I"m going tomorrow to get my name taken off of it. I don't want him writing any more and it coming back on me.
I'm still praying to God for help in the decision about the marriage and for monetary help.
There is a church I've been going to that may be able to help out some. It's very small..less than 100 members. I hope they can do something.
Cindy
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hi Cindy
You might want to check out your states website - most of the states have them. They can guide you to where you can go for help and different social service organizations. Here is the link.
http://www.tennesseeanytime.org/
Just surf around and I am sure it will lead you to the right places.
Good luck.
Hugs,
Debbie
You might want to check out your states website - most of the states have them. They can guide you to where you can go for help and different social service organizations. Here is the link.
http://www.tennesseeanytime.org/
Just surf around and I am sure it will lead you to the right places.
Good luck.
Hugs,
Debbie
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