It's too late now...
Member
.gif)
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: sadtown, OR
Posts: 89
LST, I APPLAUD YOU for what you did. I have heard of other cases where the mother believes the father and the child ends up living with a relative. I am sorry to hear you are going through this, and don't hate yourself. There was no reason for you to believe he was going to do this. Regarding your daughter, you know your child more than anybody else. Leave the communication and trust open. She needs counseling but don't push it. In time, she will come around and agree when she is ready. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
Posts: 150
Well, today he pushed my last button because he is desperate to "FIX" this...to put it in his words. He wants to spend the rest of his life making this up to us and blah blah blah.
I have an appointment in the AM with a lawyer. Now he's saying "That is MY HOUSE TOO!"
OOps..BIG mistake. The last thing anyone, esspecially him wants to do right now is test me.
I know my kids better than anyone and am always open and there for them. They are my top rpiority at all times. I have no real "friends", I no longer have a husband and my only living sister is on the west coast. Trust me, I am very much in control of this situation, which shocks the hell out of me.
Why?
Because I had given up all of my rights, control and self worth in order to keep this family together and for what? To have this idiot tear it all apart in about 2 minutes of bad judgement, induced by mass quantities of what I found out was a combination of rum and Everglow tequila..which he NEVER drinks. What an ass. Oh andf combine all of that alcohol with his already overblown "I can do no wrong" ego?
That's a cocktail that ripped out MY heart, hurt my daughter deeply and tore my family to shreds.
The really sad part is that when he was sober and not aching for a drink, he really was a fun, friendly, loving person. Too often people who have everything, a good job, money, a nice home, good kids, a great wife and really couldn't ask for anything are self sabotaging. Too bad they have to take everyone else down with them.
I'm asking for EVERYTHING. Under the circumstances, who knows.
I have an appointment in the AM with a lawyer. Now he's saying "That is MY HOUSE TOO!"
OOps..BIG mistake. The last thing anyone, esspecially him wants to do right now is test me.
I know my kids better than anyone and am always open and there for them. They are my top rpiority at all times. I have no real "friends", I no longer have a husband and my only living sister is on the west coast. Trust me, I am very much in control of this situation, which shocks the hell out of me.
Why?
Because I had given up all of my rights, control and self worth in order to keep this family together and for what? To have this idiot tear it all apart in about 2 minutes of bad judgement, induced by mass quantities of what I found out was a combination of rum and Everglow tequila..which he NEVER drinks. What an ass. Oh andf combine all of that alcohol with his already overblown "I can do no wrong" ego?
That's a cocktail that ripped out MY heart, hurt my daughter deeply and tore my family to shreds.
The really sad part is that when he was sober and not aching for a drink, he really was a fun, friendly, loving person. Too often people who have everything, a good job, money, a nice home, good kids, a great wife and really couldn't ask for anything are self sabotaging. Too bad they have to take everyone else down with them.
I'm asking for EVERYTHING. Under the circumstances, who knows.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Gogo LST! It's so great to hear you not waffling (hah! I think "not waffling" is about as big an understatement as I can make)! So many times we get sucked back into their whining/crying/guilting games, and I"m really happy to see that you see it for what it is.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I have to totally agree about getting some type of therapy for your daughter. It has affected her and will for the rest of her life if she isn't given the opportunity to set things right in her mind. And the only way she's going to be able to do that is through therapy and the help of professionals.
Many of us have had similar experiences and are now paying the price. Please, please, please get help.
Many of us have had similar experiences and are now paying the price. Please, please, please get help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
Posts: 150
I went through this myself. I am very well acquianted with the ramifications and long lasting effects of sexual abuse and harassment. I appreciate everyone's in put but please understand that I am not going to force my daughter into counseling before she's ready. I was younger than her when my abuse started and no one believed me and I had 0 support. Not only that, the abuser was allowed to still live in our home. I KNOW what I am doing with this. I saught out counseling when I was ready and so will she.
Due to his loud and proud, "That is MY HOUSE TOO!" statement, I went and filed a protective order for my daughter today, to make sure the law is aware that he has made statements to the effect that he thinks he can walk in here whenever he feels like it. He has not done it but I'm not taking any chances. I've now lost yet another day of pay due to all of this as well as my daughter and I crying all day going from office to office at the courthouse until we finally were able to see the judge. The judge was awesome and granted the order for 7 days but we have to go back next Wednesday. After this, I can file for legal separation and under the circumstances, my lawyer told me that my divorce may be faster.
Now, I have a boat load of work to do as far as figuring out what I am asking for next wednesday in court.
I am writing all of this for 2 reasons:
1. So if anyone else is in my situation, that they know they have rights and that they need to keep the innocent safe and protected, nomatter how crappy they feel, lost wages and big swollen red eyes from telling their story over and over all day long.
2. Anyone who drinks and does ANYTHING stupid and either accidently or inadvertantly hurts someone they love or even a complete stranger while under the influence. YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO AND WHAT HAVOC AND PAIN YOU CAUSE. I pity them.
I'd also like to tell anyone who makes a stupid mistake in their life such as this, alcohol is not nor is it ever an excuse to "accidently" do something that you "can't remember" doing. Just because you didn't mean it or can't remember it does not mean that it didn't happen. Get help, be cooperative and the only way to help the situation is to worry about yourself and not ever do it again.
This is definitely a situation where "I'm sorry." Just isn't good enough.
Due to his loud and proud, "That is MY HOUSE TOO!" statement, I went and filed a protective order for my daughter today, to make sure the law is aware that he has made statements to the effect that he thinks he can walk in here whenever he feels like it. He has not done it but I'm not taking any chances. I've now lost yet another day of pay due to all of this as well as my daughter and I crying all day going from office to office at the courthouse until we finally were able to see the judge. The judge was awesome and granted the order for 7 days but we have to go back next Wednesday. After this, I can file for legal separation and under the circumstances, my lawyer told me that my divorce may be faster.
Now, I have a boat load of work to do as far as figuring out what I am asking for next wednesday in court.
I am writing all of this for 2 reasons:
1. So if anyone else is in my situation, that they know they have rights and that they need to keep the innocent safe and protected, nomatter how crappy they feel, lost wages and big swollen red eyes from telling their story over and over all day long.
2. Anyone who drinks and does ANYTHING stupid and either accidently or inadvertantly hurts someone they love or even a complete stranger while under the influence. YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO AND WHAT HAVOC AND PAIN YOU CAUSE. I pity them.
I'd also like to tell anyone who makes a stupid mistake in their life such as this, alcohol is not nor is it ever an excuse to "accidently" do something that you "can't remember" doing. Just because you didn't mean it or can't remember it does not mean that it didn't happen. Get help, be cooperative and the only way to help the situation is to worry about yourself and not ever do it again.
This is definitely a situation where "I'm sorry." Just isn't good enough.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I'd also like to tell anyone who makes a stupid mistake in their life such as this, alcohol is not nor is it ever an excuse to "accidently" do something that you "can't remember" doing. Just because you didn't mean it or can't remember it does not mean that it didn't happen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
Posts: 150
Yes but everything comes with a price doesn't it?
I've just spent the last hour, trying to explain to my innocent 10 year old son why he can't see his father for 7 days until we go back to court. I don'tknow who cried more, him or me. I love these kids more than life itself. I HATE this situation and the worst part of it....my AH is probably hating me and blaming me right now for all of this.
I need air...bad.
I've just spent the last hour, trying to explain to my innocent 10 year old son why he can't see his father for 7 days until we go back to court. I don'tknow who cried more, him or me. I love these kids more than life itself. I HATE this situation and the worst part of it....my AH is probably hating me and blaming me right now for all of this.
I need air...bad.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Just remember LST when he points the finger at you (blames you) he has 3 pointing back at himself. This is something, hopefully,one day he will learn.
I have added you and your children to my daily prayers. Give that boy of yours an extra hug from me. It is so hard on the children when one of the adults in their lives screws up.
Hope you get a good nights rest.
Love and hugs,
I have added you and your children to my daily prayers. Give that boy of yours an extra hug from me. It is so hard on the children when one of the adults in their lives screws up.
Hope you get a good nights rest.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 410
I don't have any wisdom - I'm responding to your OP, I haven't read all of the responses yet.
I think you did the right thing. Now you just have to look out for yourself and your kids. Promote as much peace as you can, for instance, it won't do your 10 yr. old much good to hear that his A dad was so drunk he groped his sister. And if your AH is sober and responsible enough to handle visits, thats good for your son. I hope your daughter can get into so counseling. This was the straw that broke the camels back. He has to face the reality of his actions. You did the right thing. Stay strong. Best wishes to you all.
I think you did the right thing. Now you just have to look out for yourself and your kids. Promote as much peace as you can, for instance, it won't do your 10 yr. old much good to hear that his A dad was so drunk he groped his sister. And if your AH is sober and responsible enough to handle visits, thats good for your son. I hope your daughter can get into so counseling. This was the straw that broke the camels back. He has to face the reality of his actions. You did the right thing. Stay strong. Best wishes to you all.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
