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Advice Please????!!!!

Old 08-18-2006, 08:54 AM
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Question Advice Please????!!!!

Well my boyfriend and I finally have started to work this out. At least at this point it is established that we are committed. Things are going fine. I decided my love for him was greater then the point I felt I needed to make about me hanging out with guys. We have a bit of a trust issue and when we got back together he said have you done anything? Final answer? I replied no and he said he had not as well. FINE!!!!NOW the saga continues........ A dear friend of mine who has struggled through sobriety with a year clean after multiple attempts. I have been by her side uncondtionally. The boyfriend and best friend were friends through the program and that was how I met him. Almost two years later she has been in a relationship as I have beeen with him. Her and I have shared our deepest secrets and shared our worst fears. We actually about 3 weeks ago had girl weekend at the beach had our make up done and got all dressed up at his apartment. They actually sat in the house talked like they had not spoken I had multiple conversations where they both talked poorly about the other but as they always have since they stopped being friends. He unfortunatley loves attention regardless of who it is from. He does not act on it but likes to play with people I have explained how very unhealthy and destructive this is to him and others. He agrees and says he needs to chnage that behavior. Point of all this is. I looked through his text messages the other day and who do i come across but one of my dear friends. Who to the best of my knowledge has no contact at all with my boyfriend because they do not think highly of eachother. I confronted him and his question why were you in my phone. Honestly maybe there is some question of trust. However, her of all people. And then they actually hung out with me like nothing had happened. It seems they ran into eachother at a club one night and the text started from there. It seems as though nothing else happened. For whatever reaon I believe that. I told him you gave a speech about honesty and did i do any thing his reply....You said di i sleep with anyone you did not say anything about a text message one his favorite things the word game GROW UP I took it upon my self to tell her boyfriend. She does this to people all the time and thinks she can run off with I dont know why I do it crying and carrying on. PLEASE!!!!! Enough already!!!!!I have seen her do this so much and hurt so many people and she just continues on with the program and her speeches of sobriety and healthy living. You cannot help but stand by her side and so long as she is trying and help her. I confronted her with it and get I love you I am sorry She does not understand the word love. She continues to count the days of sobriety but all she has done is had the sobriety in a sense of days or years not mentally. She still lives like an addict lying for her benefit. Not in touch with reality. If she feels the need to want something or do something. It is beyond her to have any self control and take responsibility for her actions. He says he is sorry and that nothing happened and that he loves me enough to work through this and we will be ok. He says he cannot keep apologizing or change it but can change the behavior. Her.............the anger and hurt that i feel is unbelievable aconstant sad/mad of an emotion. Although I am hurt as much by him. We were kinda in and out relationship wise.(so i kinda of undertsand or I am just trying to hard to get past it) Having problems but at no pount did anyone call it quits we took a little time to ourselves but remained faithful to eachother. In the end we were able to work through it and now this. I do love him and know that we all need to grow and learn and changes have to be made I just hope I can work through this and learn to be the better person. Any advice on what you would have done. Or perhaps any thoughts on such sick behavior. It is sad to me to have so many friends in the rogram although I am not. The core and what it represents is poweful at least. Then people are in the program to memorize the way to live passages and preach all day all night. But they do not apply in their own lives at heart and eventually in this secret world they continue to claim sobriety and at heart live and believe all they did before they ever entered the program. ????????????????????????????????????????????????
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Old 08-18-2006, 09:22 AM
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Hey there SC...

I did read your whole thread but Im still confused.

I think what Im reading is that you and your boyfriend seperated (not broke up) and during that time one of your best friends had a text message affair with him... that he did not tell you about his "friendship" and now your angry and hurt with both of them.

Is this right?
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Old 08-18-2006, 09:28 AM
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I am confused too. It seems a bit childish to me the way it reads....
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Old 08-18-2006, 09:34 AM
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You might not want to hear this - why were you going through his text messages? It's an invasion of privacy. I did learn in my own case that once trust is broken, it's very difficult to get it back. And if a person is untrustworthy to begin with, impossible.

What do you hope for from this relationship?
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