deax

Ugh, I did the same thing. So many times, I acted like a moron. And I regret it, too. But to your credit, it's who you are or were at that time, under those circumstances and with whatever informaiton you had. At least you were honest enough to admit and address your feelings and you were doing your best. I wish I'd handled my insecurities differently too, God knows, but no one is (or behaves) perfectly all the time. Everyone has regrets after the fact but you know what-- when two people love each other, they can even look at the other person's silly or irrational behavior, even their occasional idiocy, and accept it as part of them. Love them anyway. Try not to beat yourself up and as for the things you do recognize as problematic behaviors on your part, now you're more aware of them and can behave differently in the future. But, imo, you don't "deserve" any kind of treatment-- even if you already know that and it doesn't make it sting any less.

(hugs) Again, I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

Jazzman

Been a busy day for me, sorry I'm late.

Wow... I know how you feel Cynay.
I have a very small family with plenty of dysfunction. M had a HUGE family, with plenty of dysfunction too, but they did put the "fun" in dysfunctional never the less. It was nice to be a part of that and I do miss it.

So... what kind of convertible did you get? Those things are great therapy ya know

Cynay

http://www.theautochannel.com/vehicl.../russ0028.html

There she is but mine is black.

prodigal

God, have I walked a few miles in your shoes. I understand completely why you want to know WHY. We want situations that do not make sense to make some sort of sense so we can have closure. It's almost as if he was controlling the situation by sending you a letter, having HIS closure, and leaving you to dangle in the wind. Been there a few too many times myself. One day I finally shrugged and said to myself, "Maybe the God of my understanding will reveal all the reasons incomprehensible stuff happened in my life. Maybe in the next life I'll know the reasons."

One of the crummiest low points in my life was spending the last weekend of July '00 completely alone, while I knew my former H was at a HUGE party a friend of our's in Annapolis threw at his home each year (usually 200 guests). I had gone to that party every year for years. Now I was completely alone and all those people were there laughing, playing horseshoes, eating crabs, taking rides on jet skis (our friend had a waterfront home). I couldn't wait for that day to end!

I am sure you made mistakes in the relationship just as he did. It seems from your perspective that you believe your insecurity was the deal-breaker. It also sounds like that's what he's telling you. By doing so, he did not take responsibility for his part of what caused the split. Now you can beat up on yourself even more. I read the letter he sent you several times. This is just my opinion, but it sounded as if he was putting the majority of the blame or responsbility for the break-up on you. As trite as this sounds, "it takes two to tango."

You've had the rug pulled from underneath your feet. No, it does NOT make any sense why someone would take you to meet his family in May and send you a "Dear Jane" letter in June. This indicates to me that you didn't know him as well as you thought you did or that he was holding things back from you without discussing his concerns.

I could go on and on analyzing this because I've driven myself crazy doing the very same thing in my own life for too doggone long. By the grace of God, I finally was able to stop doing that and realized I could stop it when I had a session with my shrink today.

Stay busy. Keep in touch with friends. You'll make it through this.

P.S. - I lost the only family member I had in May. Both sides of my family should be in the who's who of dysfunctionl psychotic nutcases. I agree with DesertEyes - make your own family and choose who you want to be members. I'm sorry his family wasn't meant to be your's as well.

Jazzman

Shweeeet! You get the manual transmission?

Here's what I got last spring, silver
http://research.cars.com/go/crp/rese...=&aff=national

Yours has more horse power than mine
feeling very inadequate all of the sudden!

minnie

Jazz, hon, it really isn't the size of the engine that's important, but the way you handle the car. And I've witnessed your driving skills......

Cynay, sweetie, I'm thinking of you. I know it's a complete bummer when there is family stuff going on and you're not included. God knows, I still have a few resentments to work out on that score. Filling your weekend with good stuff is a great option. Look forward to hearing about what you've been up to.

Cynay

ROFL

Nahhh I dont think mine does have more power, I got the wimpy engine that gets good gas miliage.... so your safe.....

HEY that is the car I was looking for when I found this one! I love that car.

Well.... Again its Friday and Im use to being with him at his home, swimming in the pool, on Fridays. One day I will not even give it a second thought.... but today is not that day.