Why do they do that? - Making things up
 

Hi All,

In my journey to understand why my ex boyfriend is an alcoholic, why I am drawn to alcoholics and what I can do to change this, I keep coming across technical definitions for the strange and baffling behaviour we see in our alcoholics.

This will now be a series of "Why do they do that?"

Making things up

How it looks:
Your alcoholic will "remember" things you said or that s/he said from the past.
You have no idea what they are talking about; their memory seems distorted.

What it is: Confabulation

Dictionary - Confabulate
con·fab·u·late Audio pronunciation of "confabulate" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kn-fby-lt)
intr.v. con·fab·u·lat·ed, con·fab·u·lat·ing, con·fab·u·lates

1. To talk casually; chat.
2. Psychology. To fill in gaps in one's memory with fabrications that one believes to be facts.

con·fabu·lation n.
con·fabu·lator n.
con·fabu·la·tory adj.

[Latin cnfbulr, cnfbult- : com-, com- + fbulr, to talk (from fbula, conversation. See fable).]

[url]http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/confabulate[/url

Only a couple weeks ago, AH came home late from the bar and couldn't operate the keypad to open the garage door. I woke up to his pounding on the back door because he didn't have his key.

He accused me of changing the code to the door ( I didn't). He told me I must have because neither him nor the "5 other people out there" could get the door to open. I asked what 5 people? He told me the 5 people who were out in the driveway with him, but they were gone now. HUH? There were no 5 people. The only thing I could figure was that the only way he could justify not being able to get the garage door open was to say that there were 5 other people with him who couldn't do it either. Bizarre!

I guess they make things up to fill-in-the-blanks. I think they also have a warped sense of reality brought on my ingesting so much booze. This would be a good question to ask on the AA board. Honestly, I think an alcoholic is the only person who can give you a real perspective on why the behave as they do. And from what I've been told by several A's is even they don't know why they do what they do at times!

Mine told my brother that we had talked and came to an agreement. He is never going to change, and I 'm going to learn to deal with it. Everything's cool now. I'm okay with it.
What???????
That conversation never happened. The last talk we had about it (which was a while ago) was the same old stuff. His realizations and promises, and me saying no way, I don't believe you, I can't do this with you anymore. I think he's at the point where he is seeing a world and life he wants to see. A world where his drinking is okay.

I think the reason they see things that are not there is because their brain is so consumed of alcohol .It distortes their reality. my AH kept mentioning a guy named josh in our bedroom. I have no idea who josh is, and I sure did not see him in our bedroom, but my AH did. If I asked him now who is josh, he would have no idea what I was talking about. I don't know if well ever know why they see what they see, because when their sober they don't remember anything. It is scary. Maybe they create a different reality because they can not deal with their own. just a thought.

wow, thank you for sharing everyone!

It feels good to know this is something many other people see. Wish me luck, I am going to my first Alanon tomorrow.

Good luck, giz. Let us know how it went.

So giz -

How was your meeting? Still going to other meetings?

Mine once told me a guy he works with is going to buy our house. He told me the guy drove by and made him an offer and he accepted it... LOL
I said he didnt even see the inside why would he do that..
He just said he doesnt need to...I actually busted out laughing
When he was sober I told him and he was feeling embarrassed as usual
I have no idea why this happens but it happens often

Denny / Minx,

I missed my 2nd opportunity to attend Al-Anon. I am trying to go to one that is on saturday morning which is a "beginner" session. A friend called saturday and I was chatting away (probably an excuse to not go).

I do want to say I've been going to DA for 2 weeks now and got a sponsor last week. That is going really well!

As soon as I get to one of these Al-Anon's, I will post back.

Every day away from my xabf feels better. I realize how abusive he was. I've spent some time re-reading some of our earliest correspondence by email and see shortly into our dating, he was giving CLEAR signs how bad his problem was. I wish during our first breakup I hadn't contacted him again so soon. I also realize how much time and effort I put into understanding and researching his problem. I didn't see anywhere near that amount of effort in return to understand what I was dealing with :e136:

But, all in the past now. I am focused on my recovery!

How true it is! I was so silly, mine told me he was an alcoholic and I just thought no problem, so stop drinking. I had NO idea. And early signs of the abuse I thought was the alcohol which I knew I did not understand and as you said spent way too much time trying to understand and solve. Much more than he...he spent his time controlling me. Even when I thought I was in control, I wasn't!
I recently talked with him and have off and on as friends from the past and I don't wonder why he tells these things...what amazes me is that he believes them and no reality check in the world can shake it.
I think Ngaire answered it for me....he believes it because he has to....to survive. That makes sense to me.
just my 2 cents..
live

OK, here's one for the books. About 10 years ago, a friend of mine invited me to her third wedding--this one to a nice man who was a serious alcoholic. Knowing that this marriage would be doomed from the start since it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with an active addict, I asked her if she knew what she was getting into.

Her response: "You should talk, Richard (my ABF) is an alcoholic, too." My answer: "What are you talking about? Richard doesn't have a problem."

So who's crazier? An active addict who can't see or face reality or a sober co-dependent who can't face it, either?

Good question, LOL Glad to see you around FormerDoormat! HUGS