big question
 

The last couple days have been horrible. Let me explain. Tuesday my AH was very drunk. I went to pick him up from work, and he was not there. He was down the street at the local store getting a bottle, from what I understand it was his 3rd trip there in about 2 hours. He was very incoherant. Anyway it took me about 10 min. to get him to the car, and then when we got home, I could not lift him up to get him inside. Okay I know this is the co-dependent part. Finally I left him there, rolled down the windows, and took the keys, it was a very hot day, so I could not help but think what if he has a heat stroke, especially in his condition. Okay so after about 45 min. I see the door open, but not him, he fell in the street too weak to get up. A neighbor helped me get him in the house.During this whole nightmare. Hes very seriously telling me he needs help, he cant do it on his own. I'm thinking hes drunk, lets wait and see about tomorrow. We get through the night of moaning, and crying out in his sleep. The next day, he's still very intoxicated, but now hes going through withdraw. I hate seeing my husband like this. We cried and talked all day. He told me again he needs help, he needs to get back into AA. I soooooo agree. My question is am I being co-dependent by helping him get help, even if hes asking me. Or is this justified in being there for my husband?I also want to tell you, I just got the book, co-dependent no more. I'm starting to read it now.

Well, first let me say that I am sorry this has happened. I remember those days, those nights of crying in his sleep..they are hard.

Your question...I think I have no abillity to help another get help they need from a professional. I would be able to be there emotionally and support my husband while he is getting help..but as far as helping him get help..I dont know..what were you thinking of doing to help him?

If he was that bad yesterday and is now starting withdrawal I would suggest you get him to an ER and let them monitor him through the withdrawal. Tell them how bad he was and that he is asking for help.

Let the medical profession take it from there. They will at least get him through the worst of the detox so he can pick up the phone and call AA or some of his old AA friends or start looking for a treatment program.

Unfortunately, as you probably already know, you cannot get him sober.

I am glad you are reading Co-dependent No More. Have you attended any Alanon meetings yet? They can be a great source of help for you.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.

Love and (((((to all))))),

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thank you both for your reply. The answer to your question e1979 is I plan on helping him just by being there for him. supporting him is all I can do. I know hes got to help himself. As far as detoxing is concerned it's done. He went through bad dt's yesterday, and now is his normal self. We are both planning on going to an AA meeting tonight, and he said he is going to get a sponser. Thank god. As for me yes I've been to al-anon before. It has been quite sometime. When I went i wasn't ready to accept it, but I am now.At the time I was so bitter all I wanted to do was scream about what he did to make me feel so bad. I was not concerned about me getting better, now I know I have to care about me. So with the grace of god I am going to focus on me. However i will be there for my husband because i love him, and because I know he does not want to live the way he has before. His words, not mine.All I can do is trust in god and get out of the way while he works.

Is a 28 day treatment program in addition to AA out of the question?

Sorry you have to go through all this hon.

Sounds like you have a plan and understand that you just have to get out of the way. I know how hard it is though and how much it hurts.

*hugs*

Thanks cynay for your support, it means alot. And of coarse it hurts, but I have faith I can do it, and so can he. As far as a 28 day program. I would say he wont do that at this point primarily because hes done them all. Hes been in for 8 months at one time, and then 3 years ago it was about a 6 month program. he knows what he has to do, as far as going to meetings and getting a sponser. If he feels thats not enough then well see what actions he takes. But right now I'm going to focus on the positive, meaning at least he knows he has to get back in AA. Thank god for today, and pray to god for tomorrow. Thats all I can do. I think thats all any of us can do.

I think the entire episode is very co-dependent.

I have no opinion on whether you should help him or not. My husband begged me sobbing and I refused to help him, I wouldn't lift a finger to help him. He found a way to get himself the help he needed. But that's just me, most people think that's very cruel what I did. What I do know is that he is recovering 3 years now after 35 years of drinking. I think it means more if they do it themselves.