Feeling guilty

Old 08-16-2006, 08:17 PM
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Feeling guilty

Hi all,

Ok so here is where I am at right now...My A is in treatment and has been sober for a month! Things are going very well. I am attending al anon and am finding it to be a very important part of my recovery from this illness. So here is my problem...I fell sad that A and I will never enjoy a bottle of good wine together. It hurts to know that at celebrations in the future we can't toast with champagne or go on vacation and try a local brew or wine. I do not have a drinking problem so in our everyday life this doesn't bother me at all. I rarely drink but do enjoy an occasional celebratory alcoholic beverage.

Does anyone else feel this way? I know I can still drink, the part that bothers me is that we can't together. We want to go to Italy and I would love to enjoy a local wine with him. I just won't enjoy doing it alone.

I feel selfish for feeling this way.
It makes me question if I want to spend the rest of my life being careful for him but also not enjoying drink responsibly without him.

Anyone else had these feeling?

Thanks
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Old 08-16-2006, 10:13 PM
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Ohhhh yea

This was one of my concerns when my ex-abf and I were together and also when Mr. R (last boyfriend) were together cuz he did not drink either.

But honestly.... you have to decide what is most important and take into consideration that there will be a life style change for him. That does not mean you "you" cant enjoy a beverage only that he cant. That enjoyment should not be about him.... its about you. There are always things that you can not enjoy together in life... with my ex it was the enjoyment of animals and drinking.

At first it was "strange" but as time went on it was really a non issue...

Just keep working on you and when the situation comes up you can deal with it then.
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Old 08-17-2006, 07:13 AM
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It's an interesting question kipper. Why does it matter if there is champagne or sparkling water in the glass, as long as you're making the toast together? I think for me it's all wrapped up in the clever marketing of alcohol as a romance enhancer. Maybe I've come to that conclusion based on the fact that there was nothing romantic about it by the time we got to where we are.

Congratulations to your A for his sobriety!
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Old 08-17-2006, 07:17 AM
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For me, when I was going through similar emotions, it was partially due to the fact that I was grieving the loss of our togetherness. You see, drinking together is what we did as together time. Horribly unhealthy I know, but its what we did for a long time. I was sad because I could not see us doing things together.

In hindsight, I would take his recovery over sharing a bottle of wine any day any minute, any second.. its better to share a life with him than a bottle of wine.

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Old 08-17-2006, 09:05 AM
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I have a bit of a different view than the others before me.
Call it selfish but yeah I understand what you are saying.
I love fine wine. I can't imagine giving up something I enjoy
because of someone else's issues. If my ex fiancee had recovered
I don't think we would have continued on together anyway. I
really don't want to change a part of me that is not damaged.
In the future, partners I choose, will not be A's or recovering,it's
slow going but I will not settle for less for myself.
As far as what others have said...yes, a sober partner is far better
than the bottle of wine or champagne...that's if you really love them.
At this point I am questioning my love for my ex-fiancee.
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Old 08-17-2006, 09:12 AM
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You're right on many points, Patty. I also enjoy(ed) wine, don't really know why right now I just can't bring myself to drink it. Makes me the odd one out at a monthly wine dinner I go to LOL - but everyone's been great about it.

I'm not so much questioning my love, as what love meant to me, if that makes sense. I think my mind has worked in that direction after having to consider this very question that kipper asks.
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