Letter to AH (?)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Yeah, definitely read Beattie's "Codependent No More." I saw myself as I really am in that book. At the beginning of one chapter a woman asked, "Do I need a dead body sleeping next to me in order not to feel alone?" (Probably not the EXACT quote but relatively accurate.)
Get rid of your guilt. Find out why you feel guilty. Then get on with the job of living. Staying stuck means nothing is going to change. Change hurts and it is not always easy. Living with a known situation (even one that stinks) is oftentimes considered better than facing the great challenge of the unknown.
Threatening to do something and not following through doesn't get any results. It keeps you stuck. And it keeps you stuck in guilt. What else can I say? Sometimes we just have to make that leap of faith and walk away from a bad relationship.
Get rid of your guilt. Find out why you feel guilty. Then get on with the job of living. Staying stuck means nothing is going to change. Change hurts and it is not always easy. Living with a known situation (even one that stinks) is oftentimes considered better than facing the great challenge of the unknown.
Threatening to do something and not following through doesn't get any results. It keeps you stuck. And it keeps you stuck in guilt. What else can I say? Sometimes we just have to make that leap of faith and walk away from a bad relationship.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Let me just say one thing about letters in the mind of an A.
At least in the mind of the A that I was involved with.
John used to tell me that his ex-wife would write letters to him
about how tired of the drinking she was, how she wanted a better life,
on and on you know the story. He said she would leave them on
the kitchen table for him to read...he said all of this to me while
ROLLING his eyes....just shows how little he thought of the letters,
her or anything for that matter. The thought of him rolling his eyes
at my heartfelt letters was something I couldn't bear. I never left
him any letters on the table.
At least in the mind of the A that I was involved with.
John used to tell me that his ex-wife would write letters to him
about how tired of the drinking she was, how she wanted a better life,
on and on you know the story. He said she would leave them on
the kitchen table for him to read...he said all of this to me while
ROLLING his eyes....just shows how little he thought of the letters,
her or anything for that matter. The thought of him rolling his eyes
at my heartfelt letters was something I couldn't bear. I never left
him any letters on the table.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: TX
Posts: 371
I can pass the one Elizabeth... is sending me once I'm done as well - if she doesn't mind.
Thanks pmaslan... I wouldnt want that either. I won't write any letters. I did find myself looking at him pouting last night b/c I didn't sit around and baby his pitty party- I'd look at him and think...he feels so sad... THEN I'd say to myself HE's CHOOSING TO DO THIS! HE CHOSE NOT TO PARTICIPATE in the evening.... NOT ME> I found that really helped get passed some of those moments.
I am going to work hard on ME!
Thanks pmaslan... I wouldnt want that either. I won't write any letters. I did find myself looking at him pouting last night b/c I didn't sit around and baby his pitty party- I'd look at him and think...he feels so sad... THEN I'd say to myself HE's CHOOSING TO DO THIS! HE CHOSE NOT TO PARTICIPATE in the evening.... NOT ME> I found that really helped get passed some of those moments.
I am going to work hard on ME!
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