prodigal

He is now buying booze. Just wants to "clear his conscience" (hack, yack) and let me know he'll drink if he so desires. Fine. I told him I would not accept his drinking and going back to the way things were. Funny how they hear only what they want to hear, but after being on this board for so long I'd be a total dummy not to realize that is a basic fact of life with an addict.

I just let him know that his prounoucements and quick departure were no longer going to control me. The gig is up, so to speak.

I'll be making an appointment with an attorney tomorrow. Enough of fruitless discussion. Upward and onward.

minnie

(((((prod))))

If he's buying, chances are he's drinking. What a bummer.

Lean on us, sweetie.

prodigal

... I'm a bit numb, but aren't we all at first? He picked up. He told me he chose to do so. He admitted he had sneaked and was wrong. He would not admit picking up again was wrong.

Just like so many here, I have to simply accept he picked the bottle over me. It won't be that horrible because I've gone through this several times before. It has hurt less each time. There's nothing I can do. He made his choice to pick up after three rehabs. He knew I wouldn't stay. I have made the right choice. That alone will sustain me.

BSPGirl

Sounds you feel very lil love for your partner, at all, so yes, file for divorce, now.

Marte

minnie

He didn't choose the bottle over you. He simply chose the bottle. I know that's a really hard distinction to get your head around.

Yes, you have made the right choice for you, imho. Hang in there, sweetie.

CatsTail

Prodigal,

Minnie is right he didn't choose the bottle over you. Right now he is sick, he is being driven and going back to his usual coping mechanism...drinking.

If you keep thinking to yourself he chose the bottle over me you are putting yourself down unnecessarily.

Ngaire

robina

How are you going to put the focus back on you now? Now that you have decided to split, can you find ways to occupy your time with things that make you happy and excited? Maybe make a list of places you would like to go, things you would like to do, friends or family you would like to spend time with.

He's made his choices.

You have a life to live - a life full of peace, serenity and happiness.

pmaslan

I don't know if gets easier everytime they go back after
abstinence. It always felt the same to me, witnessing
the slow death of another.

megamysterioso

Prodigal-- the other side of the bridge has been beautiful for me. You seem to be a point of clear acceptance and resolve. That's where I was when I consulted my attorney. It had become so clear to me that he was not going to change anything and that it was all up to ME to make a change for the better. We all have our choices to make and you are right--- onward and upward for you!! I really have no doubt you will be much happier when all is said and done. Life is too short and precious honey.

Janitw

Prodigal - Staay strong and hang in there girl...it's hard but we get through it. It sounds like you have been put through an awful lot and I commend you for your resolve. I'll be thinking of you.

wraybear

Prod, my prayers are with you to stay strong and to continue to care for yourself. I know you know deep down he isn't "choosing" the bottle over you, that is just this damn addiction. So, I hope you can soon, very very soon accept this fact and not look at this as his rejection of you. He is a very sick man. Eventually I hope instead of feeling rejected you can maybe have pity on him. Even with pity though, that doesn't mean you have to "care" for him. I am so sorry his last treatment didn't last long. My AH went through treatment about 7 times. I know the hope that we will have a different life can be so encouraging and then BAMM, right back to where we were. But, it sounds like you have finally accepted the fact that you can have a different life for yourself, with or without him. Take care. Keep us posted. You are loved. You are loved by God. You are loved by us. You are loved by me. You are loved by AH, but he is just incapable of the kind of love we so desire because of his illness. Take care sister friend!