Daughter of Alcoholic
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Daughter of Alcoholic
I just wanted to post my feelings. My Father died a few years ago of Alcoholism at age 54. He fought this disease for many years, besides his disease he was what I call the "World's Greatest Father"
I know he hurt everyday, that's why he drank. But now I hurt everyday, not having him around, and knowing how he died hurts even more. I'm just asking that before you decide to take that next drink please think about who will be hurting besides yourself. I was not done needing a Dad in my life, and wish so bad I could have helped with his disease. Some days are harder than others to even get through without him. Yes, he tried 3 top rehabs, but seemed to fail to fight this disease. I now look back at the pictures, and could see he was dyeing slowly, but I was afraid of confronting him in fear he would not come around. He was my everything, the only one who really understood me. Whenever I confronted him about his drinking, he would back away. So I decided to keep my mouth shut, so I would not loose him, but in the end I lost him anyway, and much to early. I live with the daily regret of not really trying to confront him, and help him quit. I thought the pain of loosing him would get easier, it just seems to get harder. My last memories of him were in a Hospital Bed at UCLA hospital watching him bload up from Liver failure, having to be drained weekly. We spent 4 1/2 months, praying he would pull through.
Besides the Alcoholism, he was the "Wind Beneath My Wings."
So for those who are fighting this awful disease my prayers are with you daily you can fight this, not only for yourself, but for the ones who love you dearly.
I know he hurt everyday, that's why he drank. But now I hurt everyday, not having him around, and knowing how he died hurts even more. I'm just asking that before you decide to take that next drink please think about who will be hurting besides yourself. I was not done needing a Dad in my life, and wish so bad I could have helped with his disease. Some days are harder than others to even get through without him. Yes, he tried 3 top rehabs, but seemed to fail to fight this disease. I now look back at the pictures, and could see he was dyeing slowly, but I was afraid of confronting him in fear he would not come around. He was my everything, the only one who really understood me. Whenever I confronted him about his drinking, he would back away. So I decided to keep my mouth shut, so I would not loose him, but in the end I lost him anyway, and much to early. I live with the daily regret of not really trying to confront him, and help him quit. I thought the pain of loosing him would get easier, it just seems to get harder. My last memories of him were in a Hospital Bed at UCLA hospital watching him bload up from Liver failure, having to be drained weekly. We spent 4 1/2 months, praying he would pull through.
Besides the Alcoholism, he was the "Wind Beneath My Wings."
So for those who are fighting this awful disease my prayers are with you daily you can fight this, not only for yourself, but for the ones who love you dearly.
I'm Sorry
I'm so sorry for your Loss..Even tho My Alcoholic Parent has been sober for a long time..I still live with the remembered fear that they will drink again..I remember how much it hurts....My Prayers go out to you...
You could never have helped him or MADE him stop drinking..An Alcoholic HAS to make the decision themselves and many never can or do....
so sorry
Janni
You could never have helped him or MADE him stop drinking..An Alcoholic HAS to make the decision themselves and many never can or do....
so sorry
Janni
Hi Luckyones
I'm so sorry for your loss - your dad was so young. My dad was all those things to me, too, and I was lucky to be his daughter. Time will help heal some of your pain, though you'll never stop missing him. Many (((())))s to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss - your dad was so young. My dad was all those things to me, too, and I was lucky to be his daughter. Time will help heal some of your pain, though you'll never stop missing him. Many (((())))s to you.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
I'm so sorry luckyones. I hate this illness and what it does to familys. I hate it even more so because as the loved ones of alcoholics we have to "detach" , "let go and let God" as we watch the ones we care about slowly destroy their lives. In other illnesses, like cancer, it least we can hold their hand, stroke their cheek, ..........as they slowly die.
I hate it even more so because as the loved ones of alcoholics we have to "detach" , "let go and let God" as we watch the ones we care about slowly destroy their lives.
When I detached and let go, I was not watching him destroy himself anymore. Thatys what I was doing before I let go and detached. Really detaching is giving up any real or perceived control over the alcohol and letting God do the work. Detaching, when done correctly, allows for healing for the non-alcoholic, not more pain.
Just my experience.
Glad you are here Luckyones.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Dear Dad,
It's been some time since I've posted a letter to you. I'm sorry I couldnt fight what you had, and I'm sorry I'm a failure too. YOu are missed more than you will ever know. I now have 3 girls myself that will experience everything i did as a child. I love you and miss you more than you could ever know. I now realize how your family turned the other cheek to your problems, I tried them myself, and they don't want to know or be a part of it. I'm so sorry I couldnt save you & most sorry my girls will experience what I did. I never have stopped needing my dad, and I'm not sure my girls will ever stop needing me, but I know like you do, we are all better off without the disease. Miss you so much
It's been some time since I've posted a letter to you. I'm sorry I couldnt fight what you had, and I'm sorry I'm a failure too. YOu are missed more than you will ever know. I now have 3 girls myself that will experience everything i did as a child. I love you and miss you more than you could ever know. I now realize how your family turned the other cheek to your problems, I tried them myself, and they don't want to know or be a part of it. I'm so sorry I couldnt save you & most sorry my girls will experience what I did. I never have stopped needing my dad, and I'm not sure my girls will ever stop needing me, but I know like you do, we are all better off without the disease. Miss you so much
Hi Luckyones, welcome to SR!!!
I am also anticipating the loss of my father, who refuses to get help or admit that he's an alcoholic. I have tried your strategies (avoid confrontation) and my own (intervention, heart-to-heart, etc.). All have failed.
This was not your responsibility. It was your dad's choice to live as he did. It was your dad's choice to manage his pain in a way that hurt his family, rather than seek out help. These were his decisions - not yours. You are not responsible for the decisions of a grown adult.
Let yourself grieve and feel some relief that he suffering and the loss you spent your life anticipating is finally over. You have a really good handle on what you are responsible for now. That is a victory you have achieved that your father did not. Let your success be your tribute to him.
I am also anticipating the loss of my father, who refuses to get help or admit that he's an alcoholic. I have tried your strategies (avoid confrontation) and my own (intervention, heart-to-heart, etc.). All have failed.
I was afraid of confronting him in fear he would not come around. He was my everything, the only one who really understood me. Whenever I confronted him about his drinking, he would back away. So I decided to keep my mouth shut, so I would not loose him, but in the end I lost him anyway, and much to early. I live with the daily regret of not really trying to confront him, and help him quit.
Let yourself grieve and feel some relief that he suffering and the loss you spent your life anticipating is finally over. You have a really good handle on what you are responsible for now. That is a victory you have achieved that your father did not. Let your success be your tribute to him.
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