cocoa

Hi everyone, this is just an update. Yesterday my husband was drinking(surprise) We had a huge talk. well it was more of a screaming match, and then a crying match. I'm a little tired today, but I got to say all the things that have been on my mind to him. Now I think I can detatch from the situation. Lets hope things get better, if not for him, then for me.

upanddownjj

Well I'm glad that you feel better getting things off your chest !! Do you have the Daily Meditation book - Language of Letting go - by Melodie Beattie - I read that right through - It was like my bible - taught me so much about myself and helped me get much stronger in focusing on myself without expections of others..
She also has another book called Co-Dependent No more which was really good...When I first read the discription of a co-dependency I burst into tears !!! I thought that was love !!!!! I thought Oh No how will I learn what REAL Love is - well just like an alcoholic can stop drinking..I had to have #1 the desire and then the willingness to learn...I have made SO MUCH PROGRESS !!! I grew up always focusing on the other person _ thought that made me "nice" or "good"..It really just made me a TARGET

Hugs - Take care of YOU - Everything will be just fine !!!

prodigal

I'm glad you vented, but how much alcohol had he consumed when you started telling him how you felt? Do you think he remembers what you said? Is he pulling the usual alkie behavior - pretending as if nothing happened the day after it all hit the fan? If you feel better, it probably doesn't matter whether he remembers what you said or not.

I, personally, just stopped engaging in any sort of conversation with my AH when he drank. It led nowhere, I got frustrated, and I finally just realized I was plain nuts to even attempt reasoning or discussing issues with a drunk. Actually, I don't discuss anything now that he's not drunk. He's pulling a huge dry-drunk so I just avoid him most of the time. Turns out he's as big a jerk sober as he was when he was drunk!

Grasshopper

Hey Cocoa,way to go,getting it all out and off your chest.Dont matter what his response was,or even if he heard you..You feel better,and were able to let it all out.
You say that now you can detach.For myself it was learning how to detach,a process.,it took time.Because if i dont make changes in my thoughts/feeling,then the explosion happens again,and again.And although it a relief to get all that negitive stuff out,it was hurting me to get to that point,where im screaming at another.Learning a new way to think and live,through the Al-anon recovery program.One day at a time.One step at a time.Is what got me off that roller-coaster,that was going on inside of me.Prayinf for those who hurt me,im more able to let go,and let God.

pmaslan

Hi cocoa,
Good for you. Once we start to detach I think the rest seems
to fall in place for us...at least detaching makes the process easier.
Just remember to take care of yourself.