Day 4

Old 08-10-2006, 08:18 AM
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Unhappy Day 4

It has been 4 days since I left AH. He picked up the kids after school (he was not drinking at the time) and took them home with him to spend time with them. The baby seemed trilled to be back home, the other two, well not so much. I think they were nervous, thinking that we were coming home. I met them at McDonalds and got something to eat after I got off work and we ate quietly. When we got ready to leave he ask again when I was going to stop all the BS and come home. I told him as before, when the alcohol is gone. He said again he was trying and I did not smell it on his breath. He also said I cannot quit cold turkey, which I know that and I did not ask him to quit cold turkey, JUST TO TRY and as long as I knew he was trying I would be there for him. We did not argue, he told me he missed us and could not sleep at night. And then he left

QUESTIONS:

1. Should I still see him and let him know that I am still there for him and encourage him or leave him alone. (My parents think I should completely leave him alone and not speak to him or see him)

2. My sister called about a recovery center not far from home.(15 mins) Should I mention that to him and see if he might be interested or leave it alone and let him seek his own help.

3. Is is worth waiting on? I will always be there because we have our kids and I don't hate him, but is the marriage worth saving. I am not really sure if the tug in my heart is love or pity or just my need to pick up his pieces.

ANYWAY, I am not even sure if I make any since now. It has been a long week.

And my daughter still dislikes kindergarten. She was a big girl again today and did not shed any tears, but when I got to the van I cried for me and her both. I hope her day goes well today, I am not sure how much longer the 'one more day' routine is going to last. My boys have seemed to adjust well. They love it in the country with there grandparents. They love the wide open pasture and horses.
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Old 08-10-2006, 08:29 AM
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Hi Lifeoutthere

I'm sure some others will be along that can share their experience with children growing up in an alcoholic home - either their children or they themselves going through it.

I just want to send you some hugs and say I understand how difficult it is. One day at a time does get easier, but it's not easy. I guess I can only say look to your children right now.

I can't advise you on how to handle your situation. I follow a 12-step approach and that means hands off guiding someone else's recovery. It's hard to learn what is enabling v. what is helpful. Bottom line for me is the person with the addiction has to first want to get well before I can be of any help. I have learned I cannot make someone else want anything.

Take care and post as often as you need to. You are not alone in this.
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Old 08-10-2006, 08:36 AM
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Learning to Live
 
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I feel your pain. First, don't worry about your daughter. Kids are stronger than we think and as the school year gets on I am sure she will learn to like it. As for as your AH, I can't tell you what to do. Each of us have to make our own decisons. You can be there for him but just not live with him. Encourge him to seek help but don't do it for him. You and your children need to heal and get healthly. If he wants to change he will do it if you are there or not. Think of how well the boys have already adjudsted. Time heals. Please give yourself time.
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Old 08-10-2006, 09:07 AM
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(((LIFE)))

I know how hard it is. I went through almost exactly what you are going through a year ago. What helped me most is educating myself about alcoholism and specifically about the effects on those who love the alcoholic.

I would encourage you to read books on the subject. "Codependent No More" was very helpful to me. I also sought out counseling and am still going. Many here have found Al-anon to be helpful.

Just remember, you don't have to decide anything if you aren't ready to. It probably took years for your life to get this messed up. It will take some time to fix it.

If you like, go back and read some of my old posts/threads. You will see that our circumstances are similar.

My husband is now sober 9 months and we are still not living together. The damage that was done to our relationship, by BOTH of us, cannot be repaired overnight. I am hopeful that it can be repaired, though.

Best wishes to you and your children. (Also, you may want to seek counseling or some kind of support for them as well)

L
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