Addiction in my family
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Addiction in my family
Addiction runs in my family. My maternal grandmother and grandfather were alcoholics. My maternal step-grandfather was an alcoholic who eventually made his way to recovery. I have cousins all on my mother's side who are heavy drinkers if not outright alcoholics. My late mother was a classic ACoA...textbook version next to her photo. She passed in spring 2020 from breast cancer--a battle she fought on-and-off for 35 years. My sister is an alcoholic and cocaine addict in recovery who has had various health problems over the years and struggled with eating disorders, too. For some reason, I have escaped the addiction struggle.
As my sister and I were helping my father provide end-of-life care for my mother, I learned more about how my sister was treated as a child, and things my mother did when we were young. It was horrifying to be caring for her, and learning all sorts of things that would curl your toes.
Now my sister is facing what may be a battle with cancer (we won't have a complete diagnosis for another week), and her attitude is one of resignation. In general, she has a very negative, sarcastic attitude toward life--but based on what I learned as Mom was dying, her attitude is understandable. She feels certain that she is quite sick and will soon die. My attitude is one of "wait and see what all the test results show".
And me? Well, I'm mostly a donkey girl scout. I am uncomfortable with negativity and conflict of any sort. 'Difficult' conversations are very hard for me. I have learned to put on my big girl pants and deal as I've gotten older because most conversations I've dreaded have not turned out to be as bad as I imagined beforehand. I'm struggling with how best to help my sister with her current health scare since our personalities are so very different. I try to just listen and let her talk and vent. I ask questions and let her lead the conversation.
Being a grownup is hard!!
As my sister and I were helping my father provide end-of-life care for my mother, I learned more about how my sister was treated as a child, and things my mother did when we were young. It was horrifying to be caring for her, and learning all sorts of things that would curl your toes.
Now my sister is facing what may be a battle with cancer (we won't have a complete diagnosis for another week), and her attitude is one of resignation. In general, she has a very negative, sarcastic attitude toward life--but based on what I learned as Mom was dying, her attitude is understandable. She feels certain that she is quite sick and will soon die. My attitude is one of "wait and see what all the test results show".
And me? Well, I'm mostly a donkey girl scout. I am uncomfortable with negativity and conflict of any sort. 'Difficult' conversations are very hard for me. I have learned to put on my big girl pants and deal as I've gotten older because most conversations I've dreaded have not turned out to be as bad as I imagined beforehand. I'm struggling with how best to help my sister with her current health scare since our personalities are so very different. I try to just listen and let her talk and vent. I ask questions and let her lead the conversation.
Being a grownup is hard!!
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Hi Seren,
I'm sorry to read of your sister's health issues. I think the "C" word, always has us thinking the worst.
i would agree, that lettting her lead the conversation is the best way to go. Let her vent, and share what she must, but remember, to take care of yourself too. As much as you want to support her, it can be exhausting.
Being an adult bloody well sucks at times, you're right!
Sending you a hug, and much love.
Bute xx
I'm sorry to read of your sister's health issues. I think the "C" word, always has us thinking the worst.
i would agree, that lettting her lead the conversation is the best way to go. Let her vent, and share what she must, but remember, to take care of yourself too. As much as you want to support her, it can be exhausting.
Being an adult bloody well sucks at times, you're right!
Sending you a hug, and much love.
Bute xx
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Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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Oh Seren, I am so sorry your family is going through this, especially your sister.
As a career nurse, and hubby is a Dr, I can pm you some stats on certain cancers, but really, only the universe knows when someone’s time is up.
Basically, small cell lung cancers, stomach cancer, and pancreatic cancers have no better prognosis than in the 1960s, but I believe in miracles too.
Lance Armstrong had stage four testicular cancer and is cancer free.
I played BUNCO (card game) with ladies group, and one member was in her third year of stage four lung cancer, who was given less than three months to live.
Ive had a coworker who had pancreatic cancer diagnosis, and she opted to do no treatment. Totally understandable and her choice.
I guess the hardest part about being supportive is supporting your loved one in their choices.
Big hugs
As a career nurse, and hubby is a Dr, I can pm you some stats on certain cancers, but really, only the universe knows when someone’s time is up.
Basically, small cell lung cancers, stomach cancer, and pancreatic cancers have no better prognosis than in the 1960s, but I believe in miracles too.
Lance Armstrong had stage four testicular cancer and is cancer free.
I played BUNCO (card game) with ladies group, and one member was in her third year of stage four lung cancer, who was given less than three months to live.
Ive had a coworker who had pancreatic cancer diagnosis, and she opted to do no treatment. Totally understandable and her choice.
I guess the hardest part about being supportive is supporting your loved one in their choices.
Big hugs
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Originally Posted by Bute 
Hi Seren,
I'm sorry to read of your sister's health issues. I think the "C" word, always has us thinking the worst.
i would agree, that lettting her lead the conversation is the best way to go. Let her vent, and share what she must, but remember, to take care of yourself too. As much as you want to support her, it can be exhausting.
Being an adult bloody well sucks at times, you're right!
Sending you a hug, and much love.
Bute xx
I'm sorry to read of your sister's health issues. I think the "C" word, always has us thinking the worst.
i would agree, that lettting her lead the conversation is the best way to go. Let her vent, and share what she must, but remember, to take care of yourself too. As much as you want to support her, it can be exhausting.
Being an adult bloody well sucks at times, you're right!
Sending you a hug, and much love.
Bute xx
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Originally Posted by Free2bme888
Oh Seren, I am so sorry your family is going through this, especially your sister.
As a career nurse, and hubby is a Dr, I can pm you some stats on certain cancers, but really, only the universe knows when someone’s time is up.
Basically, small cell lung cancers, stomach cancer, and pancreatic cancers have no better prognosis than in the 1960s, but I believe in miracles too.
Lance Armstrong had stage four testicular cancer and is cancer free.
I played BUNCO (card game) with ladies group, and one member was in her third year of stage four lung cancer, who was given less than three months to live.
Ive had a coworker who had pancreatic cancer diagnosis, and she opted to do no treatment. Totally understandable and her choice.
I guess the hardest part about being supportive is supporting your loved one in their choices.
Big hugs
As a career nurse, and hubby is a Dr, I can pm you some stats on certain cancers, but really, only the universe knows when someone’s time is up.
Basically, small cell lung cancers, stomach cancer, and pancreatic cancers have no better prognosis than in the 1960s, but I believe in miracles too.
Lance Armstrong had stage four testicular cancer and is cancer free.
I played BUNCO (card game) with ladies group, and one member was in her third year of stage four lung cancer, who was given less than three months to live.
Ive had a coworker who had pancreatic cancer diagnosis, and she opted to do no treatment. Totally understandable and her choice.
I guess the hardest part about being supportive is supporting your loved one in their choices.
Big hugs
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I hope so, too, Anna. Thank you.
I heard from her just a few minutes ago, and she does not want me (or anyone) to go with her because she needs it to be as much of a 'non-emergency' situation in her mind as possible in order for her to get through the day.
So, I wait...
I heard from her just a few minutes ago, and she does not want me (or anyone) to go with her because she needs it to be as much of a 'non-emergency' situation in her mind as possible in order for her to get through the day.
So, I wait...
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Originally Posted by Bute
Hi Seren,
I can understand that way of thinking. Whatever it takes for her to work it through her mind.
The waiting is always the hardest thing.
Much Love
Bute x
I can understand that way of thinking. Whatever it takes for her to work it through her mind.
The waiting is always the hardest thing.
Much Love
Bute x
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Although we still don't have a diagnosis, I'm happy to report that things are not as dire as we first thought/were led to believe. So, I'm returning to my own home in a week.
Hopefully we'll know something--anything--in a couple of months.
Hopefully we'll know something--anything--in a couple of months.
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Join Date: Apr 2020
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Seren, Luvflowers here. I am sorry that your sister is awaiting possibly bad news. As a nurse, we were schooled to not give false hope. So in my opinion, what you have said, wait and see what the results are. I am a fine one to be giving this advice because I would worry regardless. Worry solves nothing, I know this. Not knowing your sister's personality, only you do, but just listening, and letting her vent if that is helpful for her is something I would certainly do. After the results, is when you can formulate a game plan if that is what your sister wants, sounds like she has resolved to possibly having no game plan. Being emotionally present and listening if she is a talker is the best thing you can do, in my opinion. Oops, I did not read the previous posts. Another thing, wherever you traveled from to be with your sister, says a lot. Hopefully, if you couldn't have helped in any other way just being there will possibly show you cared. Take care.
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