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Concerned older sister

Old 07-19-2020, 01:06 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Concerned older sister

Hi all, I was reading a few posts and felt the need to vent here. I am the stepdaughter of an alcoholic. I am grown and off in my own world. I never dealt with addiction in my direct parents, hell I didnít even know what it was until I dated a drug addict where I learned the 3 Cís and drifted away from him... I, thankfully, had a healthy upbringing and did not see what my siblings are growing up with. This is the typical story... workaholic father, alcoholic mother (step for me). Iíve come home to visit for a month since I live far away and my siblings are all very young. When I came home, I was impressed with my stepmom. I did not think she was drinking anymore. She seemed much more upbeat and alert, I did not notice tremors, she seemed like her old self... as time has gone by of me visiting Iím seeing the same things I saw before when she was drinking. Bottles in the trash, she sleeps a ton, the kids prepare their own breakfast lunch and dinners (at least 75% of the time) or donít eat at all. They are CHILDREN. The oldest of my siblings has been having panic attacks so I could not quite figure out why. They have expressed their distress to me... seems to stem from religion/not wanting to go to hell. But Iím now starting to see a pattern in their panic attacks... theyíre usually in the evenings except for today. It is quite noticeable that my stepmom has been drinking. I can smell the alcohol on her, sheís been sleeping or hiding the majority of the day, her words are slurred .. she seems to forget words and has told me the same story three times. The youngest of my siblings .. a couple days ago asked her if the gallon of ginger ale was around. I got a bit confused by the question and then she said yes Iím sure we have some ginger ale and then he says, ďyouíre always drinking your gallon of ginger ale while we sleepĒ.... mind you I havenít noticed any drinking or anything at night as Iím sleeping... two things occurred... this morning, I guess she did not see me sleeping in the bed so I heard her enter the closet and I heard what sounded like a bottle opening and then pouring into something else.... I acted asleep. Once the family left, I checked the closet for bottles. Nothing. I actually thought... ok maybe Iím just making this up in my head... I go into her bathroom and a water bottle is in the trash and smells like alcohol. Hmm she just drove her kids to an event.... wtf so that freaked me out a bit as I am hoping she did not drink and drive w my siblings inside the car... second... Iím awoken tonight by constant opening and closing of doors then someone going into the garage twice? Wtf?! At 2 in the morning??? For what????? So I get upset and hear my sibling talking in the hallway then everyone is quiet again. So I go upstairs and text my sibling to check on them as they sleep in the same room as their mom. (This is the same sibling that has panic attacks.) I ask them if theyíre okay and if they need anything to come upstairs. They say sorry they were looking for a book... I ask if it was them going into the garage and they said no their mom went in there looking for her glasses.... again 2 in the morning?! Looking for glasses??? I did hear her open the car and I do know the glasses were in there as I had seen them.

I am venting here because 1. My biggest concern are my siblings. They are young children. How are they going to be affected by such a dysfunctional family?? 2. I have my own life and am so far away normally but itís important that I stay healthy so that when my siblings become adults ... hopefully I can guide them to therapy should they need it. Iím a huge believer of therapy even tho Iíve never personally needed it. I just think that at some point in everyoneís life one needs it.

I am scared for what they are seeing. I am scared that this will be traumatic for them as Iíve seen so little of it and I already feel affected by what Iíve seen. I am angry at my stepmom for not being a good mother. I am angry at my stepmom for not properly feeding or cleaning her children. I am sad because my mother was such a good mom and they arenít experiencing that same warmth and happiness and easiness that I had as a child. I am sad and I donít know what I can do as their older sister to help them in any sort of way that they may need right now or in the future.

sorry for such a long vent... just needed to get it off my chest.

Sad older sister that adores her siblings

p.s. They are all aware of their mothers alcoholism. I have spoken with them previously and this time Iím here.. they know they always have me to reach out to if they need anything.

Last edited by Gyt83528; 07-19-2020 at 01:12 AM. Reason: Add
Gyt83528 is offline  
Old 10-12-2020, 06:34 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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Where is your father in all of this? These are his children to protect, and their mother is his problem to address. Will he do that? Has he effectively abandoned his children here?

lovemilag is offline  

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