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Hello. I'm just getting started reading the information provided by this site. My son became addicted to oxy then to heroin at 16 yrs old. I had him in 5-6 rehabs during those yrs. He was thrown out of them all. My son was finally given Federal prison time in about 2008. he got out in 2011. Things went well for a few yrs. He then started drinking and hanging with the wrong crowd. I refused to have him live with me due to the lies, stealing drug/alcohol use. His last 3 girlfriends were meth users. About 10 days ago he went to a race/concert to camp out with his friends. He didn't even make it in the gate. He's currently sitting in jail 2 hours drive away from me.His charges are: Poss meth, Poss unlawful prescriptions, Poss THC, 2 counts drug para. My son is now 35 yrs old. I have been dealing with his addictions for 20 yrs. He is currently asking me for bail money which is 3 grand. 10% of 30 grand. I refused. I figure he cannot use while locked up. He has now tried to commit suicide in the jail twice. Another reason for him to stay locked up. They can watch him 24/7. He has now started to call his sister for bond money. His dad is a drug user also and we divorced over his use in 2012. I am fearful he'll talk someone into bailing him out. There is always that guilty feeling of not being able to help them. They sure know how to throw that back in your face. He now has his room mate putting the guilt on me. I'm hoping he doesn't bail him at this point. I know the court process will take a good yr to complete. It's really hard to turn my mind off to his dilemma.

good morning yooper01,
I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you have found this wonderful site. It sounds like you have been through the ringer, and have been hurt so much by the addictions of your loved ones.
First and foremost, you know that all you can do is what feels right for you. I hope that you take care of yourself, and that you realize that what other people do is out of your control. I know it's hard, but try not worry about what your son's friends or other family members do. You can only control your own actions, and take one day at a time.
There is a great post here in this same forum...The Battle Isn't Yours to Fight. Please read it if you haven't already. I read it a lot, so that I am reminded. Our sons are grown, and as awful as it is to accept, their choices will result in a life of their own choosing, and we have to just step aside and hold on to whatever happiness we can find in our own day to day lives. It's hard, but it's all we can do.
Stay here, keep reading and posting...there is support here, and you have a lot of experience that you can share as well. May help others, and in the process help yourself too.

Well as luck would have it someone got my son out on bond. He showed up here today. He has a big wound on his neck where he tried to commit suicide. The lies started. He said he got out on 5 grand PR bond. A PR bond means you get out on your signature. He said he got 6 months in work release jail close to where I live. He hasn't even been to court on the drug offenses. He said meth wasn't his ,other guy in the vehicle. The unlawful prescriptions his own just not in a bottle. Of course he is going to change his ways. He learned his lesson. I've heard it all 50 times before. He might have good intentions at this point but that fades in a wk or so. I wish no one would of bailed him.

Addiction sucks

Maintaining boundaries is essential for your safety and health, hard though it is.

No sage words, just prayers and support to you and prayers for your son.

The man my son shares a duplex with is a really nice guy. He has done a lot for my son. I feel bad for this man. My son will use him and lie to him till he is broken. I tried to talk with the guy and tell him this addiction has been going on for 20 yrs. It is now a long time habit. I understand he is trying to help my son. But feeding him, putting a roof over his head , giving him rides is just enabling him to keep going on the addiction. I believe he bailed him out for 5 grand. The guy believes everything my son tells him of what occurred when he was busted. I know the court system well enough to see through all the bull crap. This nice person is going to lose time, money, personal property by just being a support structure my son can use at this moment in time. I think this man believes I'm a cruel mother by trying to explain how he is getting conned. My son needs to be in a lock down rehab situation in order to stop. Being out and about is just giving him the opportunity to acquire drugs or finish what he started on the suicide attempts.

Boundaries.

Support to you.

yooper01, I am so sorry you are living with this. My family also has suffered in the past from the judgement of people that want to blame my parents for my brothers' addiction and dysfunction. The people that enable them to go on cause so much additional pain.

Glad you found this site. It helps.