Elliemae219

AS is so very ungrateful. Alcoholic for many years, last year life hit him hard with loss of a relationship. In and out of treatment, every time relapse, we would try to help get him back on his feet. Realized the hard way that no matter how much money we shelled out, he would not change. People say the money is not lost and that some info at the treatment centers would sink in slowly... in time AS will "get it"... We were adamant about not helping anymore after it was stated "I don't care how much money you have put out". He was raging because we would no longer co-sign a lease.
Those "I don't care how much $ you put out" ring in my ears, they repeat themselves over and over again.
Now again, facing a relapse. Again, hearing from AS asking for help. Says this time he has "got it". Husband said this will be the very last time we assist with a bill. Our jobs are not secure - both employed at the same business which is slowly going under. So, with the uncertainty of our jobs and losing health care, this will be the last time. Not sure how to say that to AS. AS won't care that we may be losing 2 incomes- he will care that he will be having to find his own health care now though. That will hit him hard.
Just don't know when the addicts ever become grateful for all that their families did and do for them.

seekingcalm

Hi Elliemae219,
I think that expecting an active alcoholic to be grateful, or logical or loving is a waste of time.

We can't control or understand our alcoholic loved ones, but we can take care of ourselves and do what is best for us.
It may just be best to leave him to his own decisions and the consequences they present. It is his right as an adult to learn to deal with them on his own. No health, insurance, no help with bills. We all grow and learn when we have to. Yelling at you is the behavior of a child and you shouldn't have to live with that.
I sometimes say, I made that person, and I will NOT let him take me down. I was the best mom I knew how, and I gave him so much. My son has treated me terribly, but he's not well, he has a disease, but it's a disease that he can manage if he wants to. He has to want to, and nothing I do or don't do will make him want to find recovery until he wants it himself.

thequest

I can see giving a child/adult child 'a' freebie or two if you will when it comes to rehab. Will they be grateful, probably not. Addicts and As are selfish especially when abusing their preferred substance.

Until the addict/alcoholic actually want to change they won't 'get it' because part of getting it means they have to realize they need and WANT to change. Doing it for someone else or them simply wanting a timeout rehab won't work.

From what I hear, see and have observed it frequently takes many trips to rehab and a lot of those trips are mandated by someone. If they are going to rehab to appease someone other than themselves it probably won't work.

The alcoholic and addict should realize the cost of their habit but when they don't care about the physical(health) and societal consequences(loss of job, friends etc) it's pretty safe to assume they don't care about the financial consequences.

Also every time a A or addict has or creates an emergency it's best not to respond to it. They have to learn to handle their situations on their own.

Ungrateful is not uncommon when it comes to alcoholism/addiction.

Sounds like you gave him multiple opportunities in more ways than one.

Take care of yourselves and GOOD LUCK