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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 78
New Comer
Hi all. I've made a couple of posts but thought I would introduce myself.
My wife and I are retirees and the parents of drug and alcohol abuser/addict. We are entering our 8th year of this emotional roller coaster with our son AJ who is nearing 22.
After his latest exploit where he fleeced us for nearly $2000 we have washed our hands of him as we can no longer allow his addictions to run and ruin our lives. We love him dearly but we are physically and emotionally drained and are done with him.
Our hearts ache but we can no longer do this as it's affecting us physically and financially. We pray for him but that's all we can do as the rest is up to him.
My wife and I are retirees and the parents of drug and alcohol abuser/addict. We are entering our 8th year of this emotional roller coaster with our son AJ who is nearing 22.
After his latest exploit where he fleeced us for nearly $2000 we have washed our hands of him as we can no longer allow his addictions to run and ruin our lives. We love him dearly but we are physically and emotionally drained and are done with him.
Our hearts ache but we can no longer do this as it's affecting us physically and financially. We pray for him but that's all we can do as the rest is up to him.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 92
Wow. So amazing that you did the right thing for all concerned.
For some people the cycle can go on for years.
As with some individuals in my family.
Your story gives inspiration and direction for others with similar issues.
For some people the cycle can go on for years.
As with some individuals in my family.
Your story gives inspiration and direction for others with similar issues.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Hi Jiggs,
I agree with you 100%. I am at the same stage with my 25 year old son. I have tried to be supportive/helpful, but have had enough.
My physical health deteriorated due to the stress of his addiction. Crazy!
In order to regain my sanity, and life, I have stepped back, and made it clear that I cannot be in his life, whilst he is in active addiction. It's too destructive.
No point placing ourselves on the sacrificial alter - it won't make the slightest bit of difference to their behaviours.
You and your wife look after one another, and live life.
Much Love
Bute x
I agree with you 100%. I am at the same stage with my 25 year old son. I have tried to be supportive/helpful, but have had enough.
My physical health deteriorated due to the stress of his addiction. Crazy!
In order to regain my sanity, and life, I have stepped back, and made it clear that I cannot be in his life, whilst he is in active addiction. It's too destructive.
No point placing ourselves on the sacrificial alter - it won't make the slightest bit of difference to their behaviours.
You and your wife look after one another, and live life.
Much Love
Bute x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 78
Thank you everyone.
It is so sad, heartbreaking and frustrating that someone like AJ, not unlike so many other addicts, had the potential to live an extraordinary productive life. At this point in his life the only thing that he has mastered is lying and manipulating. my
Just when we thought we had closed the doors to his manipulations he does it again to us. He is just a very toxic individual and that is so hard for us to a accept and admit but it's the truth. He has burned his last bridge with us.
It is so sad, heartbreaking and frustrating that someone like AJ, not unlike so many other addicts, had the potential to live an extraordinary productive life. At this point in his life the only thing that he has mastered is lying and manipulating. my
Just when we thought we had closed the doors to his manipulations he does it again to us. He is just a very toxic individual and that is so hard for us to a accept and admit but it's the truth. He has burned his last bridge with us.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Jiggs,
Welcome to this little corner of SR. My stepson has a similar story in that he abuses alcohol (primarily) and other drugs as well. We learned over a year ago that heroin entered the mix. I'm a widow, now, and do not hear from him at all, but his sister does keep in touch with him as she can.
My late husband and I had to remove ourselves from his drama. We finally worked it out that the only money we spent on him we would pay straight to whomever he needed to pay--if we decided to help at all. It would depend on the reason. Rent? Yes (to landlord). Another car to total? No.
So, we get it. I hope that you will come by and vent or ask questions at any time. You found a great place!
Welcome to this little corner of SR. My stepson has a similar story in that he abuses alcohol (primarily) and other drugs as well. We learned over a year ago that heroin entered the mix. I'm a widow, now, and do not hear from him at all, but his sister does keep in touch with him as she can.
My late husband and I had to remove ourselves from his drama. We finally worked it out that the only money we spent on him we would pay straight to whomever he needed to pay--if we decided to help at all. It would depend on the reason. Rent? Yes (to landlord). Another car to total? No.
So, we get it. I hope that you will come by and vent or ask questions at any time. You found a great place!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Thank you for posting jiggs. I am so sorry for the pain you and your wife have felt and are experiencing. It's truly heartbreaking.
My son is 27 years old, he is high-functioning so far, but his personal relationships are all surface only. We no longer have a relationship because I called him out on his alcohol addiction, and set some boundaries with regard to his behavior around me. He ignores any and all invitations now, and I haven't seen him since last fall at a funeral. I knew I was taking the chance that this would happen, but it sure does hurt.
Sometimes, when I think about that little boy I once had, I hurt so much, I can't stand it.
My son is 27 years old, he is high-functioning so far, but his personal relationships are all surface only. We no longer have a relationship because I called him out on his alcohol addiction, and set some boundaries with regard to his behavior around me. He ignores any and all invitations now, and I haven't seen him since last fall at a funeral. I knew I was taking the chance that this would happen, but it sure does hurt.
Sometimes, when I think about that little boy I once had, I hurt so much, I can't stand it.
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