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Old 10-17-2018, 06:48 AM
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Family

I am divorced, and my ex-husband's father died last week. This upcoming weekend, my ex-husband is getting married. We have a good relationship, and I am happy for him.
Our 27 year old son is the best man, and I believe he is an alcoholic.
I am not at all worried about how he may behave with an open bar all weekend. What will be will be. His father just thinks he is an ******* sometimes. Our son behaved badly at his grandfather's funeral. It is so sad to look into the face of my boy, and see scorn and resentment. It's there because I no longer am in denial about his behavior and his disease. It is not normal. Now that I am not on his team denial, I am the enemy. It hurts, but not having me cheer him on through life may actually be one of the first consequences he has had to face. I know that he hasn't had success in his relationships with women, but have no details, and am grateful for that. I have been thinking that in a month or so, I would like to speak with his dad.
Having experienced alcoholism with my current partner, I know what I know. I'd like to just share that with my son's dad. He can do what he wants with what I have to say. When I accepted that he may actually be an alcoholic, everything made sense.
I have been reading the Big Book, and have found some answers there as well.
Thank you for listening...I try everyday to stay healthy and happy, but this is so hard. I love my son, but I really don't want to be around him. Feeling this way is heartbreaking.
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Old 10-17-2018, 07:05 AM
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Sending you a huge hug friend, as there can be nothing more painful than seeing your own child struggle.
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Old 10-17-2018, 07:18 AM
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I have thought about your quote many times...as I forgive my son for all of the hurtful things he has said to me although he has never apologized. I know it's the disease, and I have to just pray for him. I am so grateful to not be alone. Thank you so much.
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Old 10-17-2018, 08:04 AM
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You are definitely not alone! Yes, I always think I should change up my quote on my signature, but it's the most significant thing I can think of. Just remember your SR family is here for you!
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:15 PM
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I think it’s a nice gesture to share your concerns about your adult son with your ex. The outcome of that is going to be whatever it is. When I shared my concern to my ex about our adult son and his drinking my ex was defensive and condescending. He had to discover and see it for himself.

Hope is not always gone even when we feel like it is. I had to ask my son to leave the house due to his excessive drinking. It changed our relationship for a couple of years but then all on his own he realized how drinking was affecting his life and he took steps to change that. He is coming up on almost 2 years of sobriety and our relationship is pretty terrific.

No, you are not alone and I certainly can relate to loving a son but not wanting to be around them.
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Old 10-18-2018, 05:34 AM
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Atalose, your words brought a tear to my eye, and I am so grateful for your sharing your experience with your own son. I always have hope, and faith, and I feel glad in my heart to know that you and your son have a wonderful relationship after having gone through the difficulties we all know too well. As mothers, we would do anything for our children to be happy and healthy, and when we are powerless, it is so hard to let go, and believe that in the letting go is the only way they have a chance. Thank you.
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Old 10-19-2018, 10:05 AM
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I am on day 34 of radio silence/ no contact with my 31 year old daughter. Havenít heard from her since her wedding day, and I am not running to the phone to call her either.

20 minutes prior to her father walking her down the aisle, He and I found ourselves alone for a few minutes, and we were able to acknowledge our 41 year family we created. It was far more emotional than I was prepared for.

I said to him ,for the love of God she ( the bride) is all effed up. His response, I donít think so. She is just nervous, she hasnít been drinking, to which I responded, I never said she is effed up on booze.

I have decided that my adult childrenís relationship with their father is none of my business, and I am going to stay far away from the half truthís my daughter tells her father. She currently has become the master manipulator. I have 100ís of emails that back up what I am saying. But I am not opening that can of worms, she is an adult, her actions, her consequences.

Just waiting for more to be revealed, and I am guessing itís her career that is going to effected. There is no way she will be able to maintain the responsibility of her high paying job. AND since her new husband doesnít work, wonder who will pay their mortgage?

I have found some online support groups for alienated parents, I am in absolute shock at the amount of loving parents who no longer have relationships with their adult children. .

Yes as good parents we would do anything to promote the well being of our adult children. For today, I am done being disrespected, I am done being used, I will not listen to your half truths, and I really donít care if your mad at me, might not be today, but your unacceptable life choices will come back and bite you in the azz.

Yes we are powerless over their life choices, but I am not powerless over mine.
Yep I am pissed.
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Old 10-19-2018, 10:27 AM
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Emotional blackmail

That is what this is, if I do not accept your lifestyle, then I am not on your team...

Nope, I cannot play that game.
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Old 11-07-2018, 04:36 PM
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Alcoholism/Addiction is a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. It is a mental illness which requires treatment. An active alcoholic/addict can't be honest about anything if they can't be honest with himself/herself. They are incapable of relationships and love. Sad but true. "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck." It is up to the alcoholic/addict to get help and get into the solution. But we should never be a doormat for them.
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