Walkedon

My 30 year old daughter has spent 30 days in the pysch ward and 5 in s rehab. I talked to her this evening and she sounds like she is going to quit.
I told her to finish the program. She told me she wants to come home. She is done with drugs. Then in the next sentence she tells me she has been trying to call her old friends.
Tommorow when she calls I will be telling her its her decision but its my decision not to come get her.
Any words of wisdom.

least

Where is her home? Does she live with you? If so, you have the right to not let her live with you if she doesn't finish rehab. If she lives elsewhere, then you have every right to not come get her. She's an adult and should be able to manage her life, and if not, she'll have to deal with the consequences.

Maudcat

Hi, walkedon.
Welcome.
Rehab is hard. Often it puts people so far outside their comfort zone that they can’t stand it.
That being said, that’s the point, I think.
I hope your daughter can dig deep and find sobriety and recovery.
I think you’re right. Don’t go get her, and urge her to stay the course.
If she lives with you, don’t let her come back.
Change the locks if you have to.
This is for you, not her.
I have watched my parents’ lives be subsumed by my alcohol addict sib.
Not pretty.

Walkedon

She was living in a house that I own. I have cleaned the house out and I am listing it for sale.
Technically she is homeless,no job no money. I feel she needs to go to a sober living facility. She has no where to go "home" to.
She is very depressed,which is understandable. She says she has no one to do this for,she doesnt want to do this for herself.
I hope this is a phase of the recovery process but it doesn't sound good.

Maudcat

I am so sorry.
It is her journey, and it sounds like a tough one.
I hope she will stick with rehab.
Be well. Thinking of you.
I know it’s hard when it is someone you love.

Walkedon

My daughter stayed in rehab but tells that she will be leaving in 5 days and will be coming to my house.
I don't want her here. I think she is manipulating me. She calls every night and I can tell she is getting more and more depressed.
I have not had any contact with any staff at the facility where she is. I don't see how she can be discharged after 14 days. I realize she can leave any time she wants but shouldn't there be some kind of follow up plan in place.
I am so frustrated..She keeps saying that I am her only support, which is true ,but this just feels wrong.

suki44883

As you know, we cannot control them. You can, however, make it clear that if she leaves early, she will not be staying with you. The sooner she knows that, the sooner she can either decide to stay in rehab, or make other arrangement for a place to live.

Also, you are NOT her only support. There is plenty of support out there, but she has to be willing to give it a chance. The fact that she's wanting to leave rehab early tells me she isn't truly serious about being sober.

Walkedon

Talked to staff at the rehab. They were not aware of my kids plan to leave. They agreed that she needs alot more treatment and that her mental health isnt the best.
Unfortunately she will probably be allowed to leave when she wants. They also agree that I need to let her go.

GoodKarma

My son did the exact same thing. After three months in rehab, he called me and said he couldn't handle it anymore and asked to come and get him. I told him to stay and finish the program and that I would not come and get him. So he called someone else to come and get him and they did.

Shortly after that he hit the streets searching for money and drugs...ended up in jail for theft. Judge sentenced him to court ordered rehab for six months (that he cannot leave) and then four years probation.

Seren

Good morning, Walkedon! I hope by this time your daughter has stayed and is still receiving the help she needs. You are both in my prayers.

Walkedon

She completed one rehab and started a 2nd long term rehab but actually ran away after 5 days. She was having some delusional thinking and a panic attack and ran away. She caught a ride with a man who took.her to a hotel,where she called me. She was allowed to stay in the lobby until I drove 4 hours to pick her up.
She has been home almost 2months and is still sober. Recently she moved in to an apartment and is working part time.
I would love to say everything is good,but every day is astruggle. Getting her to appt and hoping she is taking her meds right. Everyday she tells me she wants to use ,and how much she misses the high.
I'm holding my breath.

Seren

Yes, I know that feeling of "waiting for the other shoe to drop". I wish I could tell you that there are some certainties when we love someone who is addicted. But there just aren't any.

The trick, I've found, is to find the joy in life whether our addicted loved ones are using or not. We deserve to be happy, too, and can learn to be happy in spite of all the addiction-fueled chaos.

Prayers for your precious daughter! Please try to go find some joy in your world today

hopeful4

You and your daughter are in my prayers. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Walkedon

I was just reading through my posts from last fall. My daughter is slowly doing better. She has had several relapses but she keeps trying. She is working more hours . Sometimes I see moments of clarity and other days not so much.
This is a long process.

seekingcalm

Thank you for your update. Progress, not perfection. Glad to hear that your daughter is moving forward in a positive way.

hopeful4

I too am glad things are looking up a bit!

Tigermama

I also have a son in rehab. He's 24. Thought he was gonna be like me up till the middle of his Senior Year of high school. He always did his homework without being told, was on the honor roll, even had the kitchen clean when I got home from work. He started to change the middle of his Senior Year and I haven't seen that son since. He almost didn't graduate on time because he missed a final but, was given another chance to take the missed exam & barely passed the class & did graduate. He's 24 & hasn't accomplished much since. He went to college but, didn't last a semester. His thing is hallucinations. He started out doing "Molly" & "Spike," synthetic drugs. He's been in jail twice and has a felony on his record now. He's in rehab now. His 28 days are up but, the halfway house isn't ready for him yet. It only took a few weeks after I told him he wasn't welcome back home till he went to rehab for him to end up in jail. A social worker who intervenes for the prisoners arranged for the rehab. I'm glad they won't let him come home and are insisting on keeping him in the rehab until the halfway house is ready for him. I know I told him rehab before I was letting him come home but, I know a month in jail and a month in rehab is not enough for anything to change. And, he brought a lot of grief to my home that I've seen in many of the posts on this site. I don't want that kind of grief again. I think more is needed before he should come home and apparently so do his counselors at the rehab and/or his probation officer. I have had conversations with him on the phone and a family visit where I brought 2 other relatives with me. He is creeped out by the whole halfway house thing and you kinda can't blame him. Being in a house with a bunch of other addicts when he's fresh out of rehab, I can totally understand his reservations. Though, I did not tell him that. But, honestly, he never stayed home with me and his brother for anymore than a day or two without leaving again. He would probably just do the same thing again and that didn't work last time. Towards the end, he brought a lot of chaos to his brother & I & his brother's girlfriend during those short visits. If the professionals and civil workers who are educated and/or familiar with this stuff don't think he's ready, it only confirms my suspicions. Luckily I have his younger brother here who just graduated high school this past summer to help me stick to my guns and not allow his brother to walk all over me. But, really, his younger brother should be concentrating on better things at this point instead of safeguarding mom from his big brother. Ugh.