Back here again.
 

Hi,

I find myself back here reading through the various threads. I have applied the advise I had been given before to use with my codependent behaviour with a addict friend/roommate.

Due to a natural disaster I moved back home. I now live next door to my addicted Mom. She has had a lifetime struggle with cocaine. She had been doing good or so u thought the last couple of years. We were in contact but I didnt see her.

The drugs started after many years of molestation by her brothers so I tend to make excuses for her behaviour.

When i moved back i saw the shape she was in and i was in shock. Heavily addicted to crack and skin on bones. Ive been watching her and trying to lend a listening ear. I have driven her to AA( which she quit pretty quick). Made her eat and she looks relatively healthy now.

Her usage has gone down a lot but any emotional occurrence makes her binge.

She has asked for help and I comply when I can. She has gone as far and have me and family lock her up in her house. Usually lasts about 3 days.

I have finally convinced her to go talk to her doctor and she has prescribed her Oxazepam. Don't know if thats a great thing but when I can convince her to take them she is drowsy and not using but if she doesn't its back to square one.

Every day I go over and make sure she is still breathing.

The rest of the family knows of her addiction but are woefully naive to the scope and impact of addiction and in particular this specific drug.

Any blowup and she manipulates it in such a way that I am at fault and everyone tends to believe her.

So not only am i trying to start my life over, provide her with support, deal with all the lies and worries, im also having to defend myself against all their opinions.

I am so stressed out, not taking care of myself, have developed alopecia and so now am getting bald spots.

I know I should move away and start my life over somewhere else but I am not ready to get the phone call that she is gone.

Thanks for letting me vent in a place I know understands the complexities with this disease.

Hello sensitiveco,

I am sorry for all the stress you are feeling!! I get it...dealing with my stepson always brought health problems for me....

Some people who don't have to deal with the day-to-day reality of addiction simply don't understand. My stepson's half-brothers thought we (Mr. Seren and I) weren't doing enough to help my stepson. So they took him in...only to kick him to the curb about 3 months later because they couldn't take his behavior any more around their children.

We had to learn to let the criticism of others, who simply had no idea what they were talking about, roll off our backs. It's not easy, but in time...you will get better at it!

Hoping today is a bit better :)

If the addict/alcoholic chooses not to be in recovery
there is nothing we can do about it.
With family members it is sometimes difficult to be objective.
She will do what she will do whether you stay or not.
Tough love. Save yourself. Life is short.
I relapsed after double digit sobriety.
I became addicted to benzos and opiates and the drinking was out of control.
I am proof that anyone can live clean and sober.
It is a choice.
Oxazepam is a benzo and is a dangerous addictive drug,
not a good solution for an addict.

AA member 25 years
Clean and sober over 7 years

Reading your post, I can feel your pain coming right through the words on the page. She will do what she will do, she has been all this time when you thought she was ok. The only difference now is that you are there to witness the truth about her health or lack thereof. You sound like a wonderful daughter with a good heart.
She cannot make good choices, but you can choose to live a good and healthy life. Make that choice for yourself...if your mom was able to think clearly, it is what she would want for you.

You did not cause this, you cannot control this, and you cannot cure this. It's so painful, I am so sorry.

Does she have any willingness at all to go inpatient?

Many hugs.