FatherFigure

Admittedly, I am very new to this. My wife and I have known each other for over 15 years and reconnected while I was a newly single, single father of two elementary school aged boys. I knew at the time that she struggles with alcohol addiction; she’s been through rehab, sober living, etc.

We are now newly married and she is a step mother of two wonderful but challenging boys. We are also in the midst of selling our home and getting ready for a major move. Money has been tight, but we are getting by. Needless to say, there is a lot of change to cope with and stress to manage. For the most part, she has been managing her drinking habit..an occasional binge, but is struggling with recovery. On top of all of this, unfortunately, there were two deaths in her family.

My wife is a different person when she drinks. She has delusions, is emotional, and even offensive. These deaths in her family have become a way for her mother to manipulate her to come down for multiple trips, even changing the length of the trips as soon as she gets there. 100% of these trips have resulted in binge drinking. Unfortunately I could not accompany and now I have lost contact with my wife, save a few drunken 30 second phone calls that her mother was going to call the police on her and one that she is not allowed to be in touch with me.

My wife was supposed to be back, now I can’t get a response on when or even if she will be coming at all. Needless to say, we have a life up here together. There are kids that love her and depend on her. I love her and depend on her. I don’t think she sees how this is hurting us. Even bringing something like that up tends to do more harm than good.

I really don’t know what to do. Any attempt I make gets spun as being controlling or too needy. In reality, I can get by, the boys have been through a lot and they are strong as well. I just would like some sort of indication on what to expect. Don’t know what to make of this or what to do.

Ladysadie

Fatherfigure, so sorry for what your family is going through, particularly your wife. Only she can release herself from her family's grip. All you can be is dedicated to being the best father you can be while standing by and supportive when your wife reaches out for help. Most people want to end "crazy" but for now you might just have to bide your time until she realizes what is important to HER (not her mother). Al-anon is a great way to get some insight into the behaviors she is currently acting out with. Hopefully there are numerous meetings near you held at times when you can easily access for support. It has to feel like a merry-go-round for you right now. Sending you positive vibes, please know there is little you can do but try to be there for her when she comes around. Peace to you and your boys.

Freedom1990

I'm so sorry for what you and your boys are going through. I remember trying to make decisions off of what my EXAH did/didn't do. It didn't help that I was active in addictions too at the time.

Now I deal with two AD's. I have learned to live my life as I need to, not based on what either of them are/aren't doing (the youngest lives with me).

I hope you are taking care of yourself through all of this! Those boys need you now more than ever.

Please keep posting, and know you are among friends!