The Trials and Tribulations of an Alcoholic Sister
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: USA
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The Trials and Tribulations of an Alcoholic Sister
My first post on this site was on Mother's Day 2014. This is the day I realized the extent of my sister's addiction to alcohol and the first time I brought her to a detox facility. On this day I discovered that she wasn't a person who was indulging in too many glasses of wine per night but a person with a significant alcohol problem. This wasn't her first time in withdrawals. Previously she had driven herself to hospitals, in withdrawals, seeking help.
This four year journey has been an eye-opener and a learning process. It has also been healing. My sister is still a tragically bad alcoholic, but as a family -- my parents and I --have grown considerably. We pretty much live our lives without constant worry and stress. I can't fully speak for my parents since I can never know what they are suffering, but mostly we live our lives without blame and drama.
We have found out traumatic things that happened to my sister as a child. It is sad and terrible but we cannot take it away.
We have watched her repeat the same cycle dozens of times -- a bit of sobriety/relapse/detox/repeat. We have tried to help her. My parents have paid for a 30-day rehab, a 6-month rehab, and a sober living house. While she was in the 6-month rehab I sent her money and had stuff (food, books, toiletries) shipped monthly.
After 6-months of rehab in another state she came back to our state to live in a sober living house with other working women. My sister was only in the sober living house for a month before she wanted out. She wanted a job and her own apartment. I think she wanted to drink.
She got another job in her field in a town that is about an hour away and has been living in an apartment. She has previously been fired twice before in the same field, different jobs. Recently, she has had two relapses where she has called 911 twice. She calls the paramedics because she is in withdrawal and can't move or wants instant relief from withdrawal symptoms. This never works because the paramedics aren't a taxi service to detox and hospitals aren't detox facilities. Yet, she still calls. The paramedics come and she ends up going to detox on her own.
On Thursday she was in full-blown withdrawals and said she was going to take and Uber to a detox facility. This morning she calls and states that she is in a hospital in her town and "it is very nice" and "they are nice to me here and I don't want to leave" and "they want me to go to a detox facility in such and such a town but I don't want to leave because they are nice to me here and giving me stuff every time I have anxiety". She has planned on going to a detox facility. I don't know how she ended up in the hospital but her condition was so dire that they admitted her. She states "the doctor says I have extreme tears in my esophagus and stomach because of smoking and drinking, and my gallbladder is full of stones, but they won't operate right now because I am in a fragile state". "They are going to put me on a regimen".
I listened to her and even though I claim to have growth I faltered and said, "until you drink again". "They can put you on the drug regimen to heal your esophagus and stomach until you drink again." I then outlined how long this cycle was going on and then she started crying and said, "I just want you to wish me well. I was calling to wish you a happy mother's day." And I said something like boohoo and then I hung up. I didn't have to say that. It was childish. Of course I wish her well and want the best for her.
It's terrible but for some reason I get annoyed when she is looking for comfort all of the time. I get mad when she won't do the hard work to be sober and suffer a bit. I know she must suffer a lot but it seems that she isn't willing or able to cope. She has very poor coping skills. Everything must be comfortable and nice. She won't go to the county detox because "they are mean to me there". She knows she has a dire diagnosis and she is calling me from a hospital stating how nice it is. Who cares how nice something is, what about your life??!!
Thanks for letting me talk and vent this morning.
This four year journey has been an eye-opener and a learning process. It has also been healing. My sister is still a tragically bad alcoholic, but as a family -- my parents and I --have grown considerably. We pretty much live our lives without constant worry and stress. I can't fully speak for my parents since I can never know what they are suffering, but mostly we live our lives without blame and drama.
We have found out traumatic things that happened to my sister as a child. It is sad and terrible but we cannot take it away.
We have watched her repeat the same cycle dozens of times -- a bit of sobriety/relapse/detox/repeat. We have tried to help her. My parents have paid for a 30-day rehab, a 6-month rehab, and a sober living house. While she was in the 6-month rehab I sent her money and had stuff (food, books, toiletries) shipped monthly.
After 6-months of rehab in another state she came back to our state to live in a sober living house with other working women. My sister was only in the sober living house for a month before she wanted out. She wanted a job and her own apartment. I think she wanted to drink.
She got another job in her field in a town that is about an hour away and has been living in an apartment. She has previously been fired twice before in the same field, different jobs. Recently, she has had two relapses where she has called 911 twice. She calls the paramedics because she is in withdrawal and can't move or wants instant relief from withdrawal symptoms. This never works because the paramedics aren't a taxi service to detox and hospitals aren't detox facilities. Yet, she still calls. The paramedics come and she ends up going to detox on her own.
On Thursday she was in full-blown withdrawals and said she was going to take and Uber to a detox facility. This morning she calls and states that she is in a hospital in her town and "it is very nice" and "they are nice to me here and I don't want to leave" and "they want me to go to a detox facility in such and such a town but I don't want to leave because they are nice to me here and giving me stuff every time I have anxiety". She has planned on going to a detox facility. I don't know how she ended up in the hospital but her condition was so dire that they admitted her. She states "the doctor says I have extreme tears in my esophagus and stomach because of smoking and drinking, and my gallbladder is full of stones, but they won't operate right now because I am in a fragile state". "They are going to put me on a regimen".
I listened to her and even though I claim to have growth I faltered and said, "until you drink again". "They can put you on the drug regimen to heal your esophagus and stomach until you drink again." I then outlined how long this cycle was going on and then she started crying and said, "I just want you to wish me well. I was calling to wish you a happy mother's day." And I said something like boohoo and then I hung up. I didn't have to say that. It was childish. Of course I wish her well and want the best for her.
It's terrible but for some reason I get annoyed when she is looking for comfort all of the time. I get mad when she won't do the hard work to be sober and suffer a bit. I know she must suffer a lot but it seems that she isn't willing or able to cope. She has very poor coping skills. Everything must be comfortable and nice. She won't go to the county detox because "they are mean to me there". She knows she has a dire diagnosis and she is calling me from a hospital stating how nice it is. Who cares how nice something is, what about your life??!!
Thanks for letting me talk and vent this morning.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, PlentyGood! I am sorry to hear that your sister still struggles, still continues that cycle. I understand your frustration. I know how awful it feels to know how unpleasant we can become due to our frustration with someone else's drinking and drugging.
My stepson has been through a couple of hospital/detox/rehab situations, too, and yet still drinks and drugs to this day. So, I get it. When my husband was still alive, we just tried to hope for the best but plan for the worst...with absolutely no expectations.
Sending hugs and prayers for you, your folks, and your sister!
My stepson has been through a couple of hospital/detox/rehab situations, too, and yet still drinks and drugs to this day. So, I get it. When my husband was still alive, we just tried to hope for the best but plan for the worst...with absolutely no expectations.
Sending hugs and prayers for you, your folks, and your sister!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,387
I can relate to your post. I have a severely alcoholic sister, with 4 kids, who the older she gets and longer she drinks the more monstrous she becomes. I feel so sorry for the kids. 2 of them are over 21, but one has MD and the other, who is very smart, didn't graduate from H.S.
Anyway, it's a nightmare and as abusive as she is I still love her and wish her well but I have to let go of her and her family, at least for a while. Her husband is still living there and protects the kids, but he works a lot. But like I said I can't make it my problem too. I'm dealing with my own sobriety and it's really, really difficult to be around her.
Well, good luck to you. I hope you can figure out ways to cope. I know I need a lot of different ways sometimes.
Love, Aly
Anyway, it's a nightmare and as abusive as she is I still love her and wish her well but I have to let go of her and her family, at least for a while. Her husband is still living there and protects the kids, but he works a lot. But like I said I can't make it my problem too. I'm dealing with my own sobriety and it's really, really difficult to be around her.
Well, good luck to you. I hope you can figure out ways to cope. I know I need a lot of different ways sometimes.
Love, Aly
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