MsKryssy

Just recently my daughter turned to meth, which she has never done before. She is 30 yrs old and has 4 of my beautiful grandbabies (1 of which was adopted because her mom was a drug addict and in prison) We have had her since day one. Back in November my daughter went legally blind, her optic nerves were damaged. After a week in hospital and tons of tests there was nothing they could do for her. She will eventually get her sight back but it will take time, maybe even years. She started hanging out at her dad's house (we are divorced) because she didn't want to stay at home and I was helping with the kids, getting them to school and etc. The stayed with me. She started liking a guy at her dad's house (dad is a meth addict) and they started hanging out. That's when it all started downhill. She got some of her sight back but not enough to drive. The kids started to go home more and I basically would just make sure they got to school and such. Then I noticed she was leaving them home alone quite often, ages 9,8,6,2. I confronted her multiple times about it. When santa didn't come for Christmas it about broke my heart! She told them he left a message and said he couldn't make it. Myself being on disability, did not have the resources to help. I was devastated! Then she started borrowing money from me, promising to pay back and never did. Long story short, few months ago my granddaughter, 6, was going around neighbors asking for food with pennies (hard to talk about) Someone called police and went to house to find kids there, no mom. The house was filthy, trash everywhere, kids dirty, no food in house. Needless to say the kids were taken by child services. She turned herself in a week later and is currently in jail. To this day I haven't talked to or seen my babies and am having hard time dealing with it! I haven't talked to my daughter, just too angry, and the fact that before she turned herself in she stole my debit card and took all my money and stole my truck for 5 days. She has become her own nightmare of what she didn't believe in.
So, the reason of my disability is more of a mental illness. Few years ago I lost my parents, 7 months apart. I took it very hard!! They were my life and rock! Since I have been 14 I've suffered with severe anxiety and panic attacks, and bouts of agoraphobia.i was hospitalized few times after the death for trying to commit suicide. I struggle with it still to this day. I had a falling out with both my siblings and probably will never talk again and I have a son who has been in and out of prison for drugs. Now I lost my only hope to live, my grandbabies. They took them to live 2 hours away and cannot talk to them. They were in my life everyday! Now I have absolutely no one! It is a lonely place. I have lost my 2 kids and 4 grandbabies because of drugs. If my daughter loses her parental rights that's means grandparents do too, in the state of Nebraska anyways.How do I go about facing my daughter? Am I in the wrong for not visiting her? I have never done drugs and raised both kids on my own. I thought I did a good job and set a good example. Now I am struggling again because I have nothing to look forward to. I've lost everything..........thanks for listening

Seren

Hello MsKryssy, Welcome to SR!

I am sorry for all that you have been through. You are now in a community where people do understand!

I don't thing that you are wrong for not visiting your daughter. It is your decision, and both of your children are adults who must learn to live with the consequences of their actions.

You--your life--they matter! There is always joy to be found. Even in the simplest things. Cinnamon toast, a hug from a friend, a fresh cup of coffee in the morning...

Your life is not over, MsKryssy! I will keep you and your whole family in my prayers!!

Ann

I am so sorry for all you have been through, the stories of addiction are among the saddest stories ever told, especially when it comes to children. I am glad the children are in good hands now, even if it means you cannot see them.

I lost a grandaughter and a grandson (2 different mothers) through my son's addiction. It broke my heart both times but yet, the children were so much better off with my son out of their lives and if that meant me too, then so be it. They would be almost grown by now and I pray for them each night when I pray for my son.

Getting some live support for yourself might help you work through this. Have you tried any meetings? Al-anon, CoDA, Nar-anon, any number of Christian family groups or others I have probably missed. Maybe check out your area to see what may be available and then find the courage to go. I promise you that you will be glad you did.

Hugs from my heart to yours.

Codimum

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. You've been through a lot and your sadness is understandable. It's especially difficult for a single mother to suffer such losses as you've lost your entire family in the process. I was a single mother too and my alcoholic son is all the family I had. He had no family of his own. I didn't mind that it was just the two of us as I always believed he'd get married and have a family, so that we could build a strong and healthy family from the little we had.

But life's not like that. It rarely lives up to the fairytales and we have to accept that we all suffer in some way or another. It has been painful to let my son go, as he was all I had. However, when dealing with drug addiction or alcoholism, we have to behave differently to what our normal 'mother' instincts tell us to do.

Therefore, you must think of your grandbabies and know that they're in a better place and are going to be looked after and in clean homes away from addiction and crazy behaviour. Be glad for them. You have lost your grandbabies but they've gained a lot...they've got a chance.

So, now rebuild your life and make those grandbabies proud to call you grandma because one day they'll come looking for you and so you'd better be ready for them..... with a warm welcoming home and a big smile!

Leana

If my daughter continues her current behavior I will be writing a post very similar to yours. It will break my heart.