Grandmother's love
 

My son is on Probation, still using and with no place to live ... my son knocks on my Mom's door asking for something to eat and a place to stay.
Mom says she feels obliged to feed him but tells me she doesn't let him stay. My Mother listens to his screams and hysterics about how the whole world has done him wrong.
Meanwhile Mom's telling my Uncle she thinks she is having a heart attack. Drama runs in our family.
My Uncle said he will talk to Mom tonight and be specific on not letting my Son in her home.
I feel like my Uncle is going to help....I want to give my Mom an ultimatum it's either my son or me.....Do I have to stoop that low?

Your mom is likely superstressed as a result of the situation, Flower.
Is she strong enough to be able to say no to your son?
If not, could your uncle stay with her for a bit or be available if your son comes back?
Normally, I would say it’s your mom’s choice, as to what she wants to do with her grandson, but I have an elderly mom who cannot possibly stand up to her alcohol addicted son and put him out on the street.
So my other brother and I go over periodically and read him the riot act when he has been mooching money from her or being snarky.
It puts him in line until the next time.
I hope this works out. Know it’s a heartbreaker for everyone.

My MIL was living in an assisted living facility when my stepson would "visit" her to "say hello" and spend time with his grannie--aka...mooching food, money, shower from her. *sigh*

Legally, the facility could not block him from visiting, but we did arrange to receive a phone call if he ever showed up. That cut those visits off pretty quickly.

I am not sure how you will be able to convince your Mom to not enable your son. However, if he becomes dangerous to her, it is possible to get your local elder care services involved.

Sorry about all the drama...hang in there!

It’s a very difficult situation your mom is in and stress can cause medical issues.

Maybe instead of being divided on the issue about your son, come together and discuss it as allies.

If your mom is already frightened, stressed and worried about her grandson it may not be helpful to issue ultimatums and add to the stress.