Son in Custody...losing my mind
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
It was hard, at first, to enjoy myself and my time with Mr. Seren when I knew that his son was out 'running and gunning'. I remember sitting in a Christmas church service bawling my eyes out imagining where his son might be and what he might be doing. It was awful.
Slowly, both Mr. Seren and I learned to pull back from his son's constant drama. We learned to not react to every crisis. We learned to live our own lives and let him live his. We would let him know we love him, and we knew he could turn his life around if that is what he chose to do.
Now Mr. Seren is gone. He died over 2 years ago. We would have missed out on what short period of time we were given together if we spent that entire time wrapped up in someone else's drama.
I miss my husband every single day, and I would hate for you to miss this time with your husband because you are losing yourself to your son's addiction.
Slowly, both Mr. Seren and I learned to pull back from his son's constant drama. We learned to not react to every crisis. We learned to live our own lives and let him live his. We would let him know we love him, and we knew he could turn his life around if that is what he chose to do.
Now Mr. Seren is gone. He died over 2 years ago. We would have missed out on what short period of time we were given together if we spent that entire time wrapped up in someone else's drama.
I miss my husband every single day, and I would hate for you to miss this time with your husband because you are losing yourself to your son's addiction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 178
Hi. My son recently served two months in county. At the time, I could not let myself face the reality of where he was and what that meant. I spoke to him frequently, visited once or twice per week, put money on his commissary, attended court.... Yet it was all surrealistic. Only now that he's been home for a couple if months has the reality hit me. When he was in, despite my brain knowing where he was, I was emotionally on hold. I don't know how else to describe it. He had been to rehab twice, so him being "away" wasn't new.
But although I wasn't facing my feelings and fears when awake, I go my to the point that I could not be left alone with the voices in my head. I had to fall asleep to music or an audio book. I'd wake up suddenly with overwhelming panic.
I saw my doctor and she helped me through it and I also saw (still see) a therapist.
My son came out of county resolved that he was never going back. Previously, any legal problems he'd had resulted in fines. Going in for 60 days was a huge reality check for him.
I think it was actually the best thing that could have happened to him. He came out 60 days clean, motivated to stay that way. There are no guarantees, of course, it really is one day at a time.
I pray yours is safe and will have an a-ha moment and resolve to stay clean and out of legal trouble. Take care of yourself. Find a support group or a therapist to help you deal with your feelings.
But although I wasn't facing my feelings and fears when awake, I go my to the point that I could not be left alone with the voices in my head. I had to fall asleep to music or an audio book. I'd wake up suddenly with overwhelming panic.
I saw my doctor and she helped me through it and I also saw (still see) a therapist.
My son came out of county resolved that he was never going back. Previously, any legal problems he'd had resulted in fines. Going in for 60 days was a huge reality check for him.
I think it was actually the best thing that could have happened to him. He came out 60 days clean, motivated to stay that way. There are no guarantees, of course, it really is one day at a time.
I pray yours is safe and will have an a-ha moment and resolve to stay clean and out of legal trouble. Take care of yourself. Find a support group or a therapist to help you deal with your feelings.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Flower123 
For 10 years I have tried to get help for my son with his addictions....pot,cocaine, alcohol and opiades.
He has stolen lied and used substances in my home since he was 15...
At 25 he has already been arrested three maybe 4 times.
He cried yesterday when he called from the police station and swore he would do anything if I could help him.
I said no to him.
As far as I know he is in custody now.
Its been crazy since that call yesterday... he isn't going to make bail and his assault charge will probably land him a couple months of jail time.
I feel like I'm deserting him and he has threatened suicide...I can't bare the pain...how can I let go of my guilt?
He has stolen lied and used substances in my home since he was 15...
At 25 he has already been arrested three maybe 4 times.
He cried yesterday when he called from the police station and swore he would do anything if I could help him.
I said no to him.
As far as I know he is in custody now.
Its been crazy since that call yesterday... he isn't going to make bail and his assault charge will probably land him a couple months of jail time.
I feel like I'm deserting him and he has threatened suicide...I can't bare the pain...how can I let go of my guilt?
His threats of suicide - the facility will likely provide him with mental health services and keep a watch. Hoping he is reaching out for help in that regard. That is hard on a mom's heart. In years past, multiple times I was confronted with my son threatening suicide.
As far as the guilt, I have no advice but will share that it took me time to work through.
Spending time in jail some years ago actually seems to have had a lasting impact on my son. He was desperate for family members to bail him out, none came forward. An acquaintance of his helped him out with that.
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