hummingbird358

As I have posted before, my son lives far away with his girlfriend. He moved there 2 years ago to a state where weed is legal. His alcohol problem has followed him there. Got a DUI last year, spent a night in jail and was on probation for a year. The girlfriend moved out a few months later. He was on probation for a year and as soon as that was up he sold his car because he would have had to have the breathalyzer in. He is the most selfish and manipulative person I have ever met. He started drinking heavily again and it isn't good. His girlfriend told me today that she won't be renewing the lease in June and is moving back home. She won't tell him until it gets closer due to how he will react. I understand why. I just don't know what to do.
He told me about 3 weeks ago that he was really trying to stop drinking because he felt different this time. She told me had drank at least 2x's since. I know how this will end and I guess I am beyond scared. Once she tells him, I know he will go off the deep end.
He has pets that mean the world to him. The last time he was suicidal because she broke up with him -he was there -she was still home- I called 911 on him and they came and took him. Released him a few hours later. I know I have to let go and let God.
It is hard because the lease renewal will happen in early May so I now know this and for 3 months wait. My other child who has no addiction graduates college in May- the same day the lease was signed last year. This should be a happy time.
He started a decent job which he is doing well at except for his anxiety. He text me last night he was applying for a new position.
I know I have to let go. So when I get the call, I am to ignore it?

BellaBlue

hummingbird,

I'm so sorry to read this - so sorry that any parent has to endure their child's addiction.

I have no answers for you - I'm sort of in the same boat - waiting for a call I never want to come. I don't know how to be a mom in this situation. So I'm doing the best I can, praying and trying to turn it over to my Lord and carry on with my life. I cannot carry this burden - it paralyzes me with fear and depression.

Maudcat

Good thoughts to you both.

Seren

Hello hummingbird,

I am so sorry to hear about your son and all that is happening right now. None of us can tell you whether you should or should not try to go there and help him.

I think you and his girlfriend have the same goal in mind with one another. She wants you to step in so that she doesn't feel so guilty about leaving, and you want her to stay so you don't feel as guilty about not flying out there to take care of him.

In the middle of all of this is your adult son. A man/child like my own stepson. My stepson has now been left entirely to his own devices because his siblings have used up what they had to help him to no avail, and his last parent, my late husband, is now gone.

My stepson drinks, does crack and apparently now heroin. We wrap him in prayer all the time. But we can't live his life for him--controlling his every move and decision. We have decided to step back and allow him the dignity of living his own life--in whatever way he chooses. Even if we do not agree with those choices.

You have my support regardless of what you decide to do--stay or go to help him. None of this is easy, and we have to make the best decisions for ourselves at each moment.

Please take good care!!

Muunray

"We have decided to step back and allow him the dignity of living his own life--in whatever way he chooses. Even if we do not agree with those choices."
I like how you said that Seren. Thank you!