LSUFAN

About six months ago my brother and his wife overdosed on fetinal<--spell check not sure what it is really and heroin. He made it out and she was in a coma over a week before she passed. They have two young children that stay with their grandma now, until he gets it together. He got into a bad motorcycle accident two weeks after his wifes funeral, he was drunk while driving his motorcycle and ran into the back of someone .... He has rods and screws in his leg now. None of this was enough to get him to just straighten up so his kids can have at least one parent. He went to rehab for 30 days, which I think he did to shut everyone up. He lives in my house, and has been since his wife passed. The first day out of rehab he relapsed. I am just very discouraged and was told by another person who has been sober 7 yrs now to give him an ultimatum and tough love. I guess what I need advice on is should I give him one and what do I say or do?

atalose

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It really comes down to what are you prepared to do? Are you prepared to kick him out of your home? Are you prepared to follow through on whatever ultimatum you give because if you are not then it’s a waste of time.

It’s pretty easy to say……….get help or else……….its the or else part that most people have the trouble with the follow through on.

Maudcat

Hi, LSUFAN.
Welcome.
My feeling about ultimatums is that you have to be willing to back it up with action.
If you can’t do that, no point making the ultimatum.
That being said, I understand your predicament.
If your brother is using or drinking in your house, and you don’t want it, then I think you have to tell him this.
His response will tell you all you need to know about his intentions going forward.
Then you can go on to plan B: getting him out.
I am so sorry that he has lost his wife to drugs and that he is having physical problems because of the accident.
But these are his choices and his consequences.
Does he or will he qualify for subsidized housing?
Maybe he could apply?