Trying to accept life with an AS - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 09-12-2017, 08:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Trying to accept life with an AS


Hi! I am so glad I found this forum. It's solacing to know I am not alone. My son is 22 - his meth addiction started slowly a few years ago from him just "dabbling" to becoming a daily user. I have tried everything to help him, as I am sure many of you have experienced, it has not gone the way I had hoped. I hoped I could turn things around for him and give him a reason to stay sober. We have always been extremely close. In his attempts to stay close and to ease my fears, he would concede in attempts to stay close to me, but in the end the drug has had a stronger grasp on him then our bond did. I have had to learn painfully, that this drug will take anyone. He is kind, loving, smart, aware, but it doesn't matter - drugs take the ones you love. Now he is homeless living in the bushes down by a river in Northern California with other homeless drug addicts. He doesn't stay in touch with me much anymore. It is breaking my heart, I don't even know how it got to such a low point. I imagine it's some guilt he must be feeling and shame, but also he has made it clear he doesn't want me trying to save him - not with words but his actions. My question is, when do you know it's time to stop trying? How do you turn it off? To this day I want to go to him and help him get clean, remember who he was before this drug took control of his life. I don't know in what ways to let go, and in what ways to still hold on. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
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Old 09-14-2017, 05:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello Rosita and welcome to SR. You will find many many resources here to assist you in learning more about addiction. Most of the Momma's here also post in the Friends and Family of Substance abusers so you will also get responses there. My son is 27 and has been struggling with addiction for 7 years. All I can share is that no matter what you want to do or not do, unless your son wants to stop, everything will be pointless. I have swooped in so MANY times to try and SAVE my son, all to no avail when he decides to use again. I detached and started to give him the space to do what he wanted to do. He has been homeless and out of contact 3 times in the last 7 years. It aches when they go "dark", but you are absolutely correct in that he knows that his using is hurting you and he doesn't want to answer to that. My recommendation is to read and share here. Many of us have been exactly where you are now. Also, if you are comfortable, look for Alanon meetings where you will be able to get face to face support. I will send a prayer for your peace and acceptance that you did not Cause it, You cannot cure it and you cannot control it.
That is a very powerful concept that get a hold of to help you with your feelings of guilt or sorrow.
Hugs from one Mom to another.
TT
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Old 09-15-2017, 08:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
My question is, when do you know it's time to stop trying? How do you turn it off? To this day I want to go to him and help him get clean, remember who he was before this drug took control of his life. I don't know in what ways to let go, and in what ways to still hold on. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
I don’t think you every stop trying to help them, its more about learning the healthier ways of help that help us which in turn MAY one day help them.

Programs like al-anon, nar-anon help us learn better ways of thinking/coping which then help our actions to become positive rather than negative to ourselves and others.

Praying for your son is a healthy action on your part. Taking action to help you in your own recovery is taking action on your part so that when/if your son is ready to help himself he will have your healthy support.
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I appreciate your words and feedback. It's so very helpful!
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Old 09-26-2017, 09:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hope. Hold on to it. My son is a meth addict in recovery. I rode that roller coaster with him until I couldn’t do it anymore. I let him go. I moved far away to live my life. And after I left, he got clean. He has been clean now for over 2 years. He and his SO just welcomed a sweet daughter, he is working (great job), and living his life.

It’s hard being so far away now with a new grandchild in the picture but I am grateful that he is happy and healthy.

I remember when other people would post about their adult child getting clean and sober and I would feel two things.....one was hope.....the other (and I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit this) was envy. Why couldn’t my son get clean and sober? Why them? I think these are normal feelings though.

Letting go of the feelings of being enmeshed with his life and his addiction was the best thing I could do for him, for myself and for others who love us both.

I do not sit in fear of relapse because I have no control. He is reaping the benefits of clean life and hopefully that will hold him. I sit in gratitude each day. I don’t predict the future nor do I focus on the past.

I hope that your son will also find a path to recovery.....whatever that may look like for him. I understand the anguish you are feeling. It is hard to watch our loved ones fall into the grip of addiction.

Take care of you❤️

Gentle hugs
ke
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Old 09-26-2017, 01:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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So AWESOME to hear from you KE! Its such a comfort when you come out on the other side and they do too! sending prayers for everyone today in peace and joy in life's pleasures!.
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Old 09-26-2017, 02:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Rosita....I don't have any answers for you, but want you to know I am here, reading this, sending you many gentle hugs as I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. Keep posting and keep reading, there are many here who have walked a similar walk.

Kindeyes....I second that it is great to hear from you friend!
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Old 09-26-2017, 06:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Good to “see” you as well ladies!

It’s hard for me to come to these forums these days. It is a stark reminder of some very painful years. But I come now and again to get a glimpse of where I never want to be again......caught up in the anguish of addiction.

For today, I am happy and healthy, living my dream in a tropical country with my dear husband and little dog.

There is life beyond addiction.

I wish peace for all who are still struggling.

Gentle hugs
ke
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Old 09-26-2017, 08:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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So much pain it is.
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Old 10-24-2017, 09:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sending you love. Please remember that as much as you want to take care of someone - even a son - you must also do yourself a favor and take care of yourself. Practice self-love. You sound like you have an immense, amazing heart.
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