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Old 09-12-2017, 07:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Trying to accept life with an AS


Hi! I am so glad I found this forum. It's solacing to know I am not alone. My son is 22 - his meth addiction started slowly a few years ago from him just "dabbling" to becoming a daily user. I have tried everything to help him, as I am sure many of you have experienced, it has not gone the way I had hoped. I hoped I could turn things around for him and give him a reason to stay sober. We have always been extremely close. In his attempts to stay close and to ease my fears, he would concede in attempts to stay close to me, but in the end the drug has had a stronger grasp on him then our bond did. I have had to learn painfully, that this drug will take anyone. He is kind, loving, smart, aware, but it doesn't matter - drugs take the ones you love. Now he is homeless living in the bushes down by a river in Northern California with other homeless drug addicts. He doesn't stay in touch with me much anymore. It is breaking my heart, I don't even know how it got to such a low point. I imagine it's some guilt he must be feeling and shame, but also he has made it clear he doesn't want me trying to save him - not with words but his actions. My question is, when do you know it's time to stop trying? How do you turn it off? To this day I want to go to him and help him get clean, remember who he was before this drug took control of his life. I don't know in what ways to let go, and in what ways to still hold on. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
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Old 09-14-2017, 04:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello Rosita and welcome to SR. You will find many many resources here to assist you in learning more about addiction. Most of the Momma's here also post in the Friends and Family of Substance abusers so you will also get responses there. My son is 27 and has been struggling with addiction for 7 years. All I can share is that no matter what you want to do or not do, unless your son wants to stop, everything will be pointless. I have swooped in so MANY times to try and SAVE my son, all to no avail when he decides to use again. I detached and started to give him the space to do what he wanted to do. He has been homeless and out of contact 3 times in the last 7 years. It aches when they go "dark", but you are absolutely correct in that he knows that his using is hurting you and he doesn't want to answer to that. My recommendation is to read and share here. Many of us have been exactly where you are now. Also, if you are comfortable, look for Alanon meetings where you will be able to get face to face support. I will send a prayer for your peace and acceptance that you did not Cause it, You cannot cure it and you cannot control it.
That is a very powerful concept that get a hold of to help you with your feelings of guilt or sorrow.
Hugs from one Mom to another.
TT
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Old 09-15-2017, 07:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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My question is, when do you know it's time to stop trying? How do you turn it off? To this day I want to go to him and help him get clean, remember who he was before this drug took control of his life. I don't know in what ways to let go, and in what ways to still hold on. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.
I don’t think you every stop trying to help them, its more about learning the healthier ways of help that help us which in turn MAY one day help them.

Programs like al-anon, nar-anon help us learn better ways of thinking/coping which then help our actions to become positive rather than negative to ourselves and others.

Praying for your son is a healthy action on your part. Taking action to help you in your own recovery is taking action on your part so that when/if your son is ready to help himself he will have your healthy support.
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Old 09-19-2017, 12:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I appreciate your words and feedback. It's so very helpful!
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