Got that call
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
(TF)
prayers family day went well -
A fellow recovery friend shared with me what a family counselor told her at her son's 3rd rehab stint -
"When they are at their worst, you need to be at your best."
keep reaching out for support, taking good care of yourself and do what is healthiest for you
PINK Hugs
prayers family day went well -
A fellow recovery friend shared with me what a family counselor told her at her son's 3rd rehab stint -
"When they are at their worst, you need to be at your best."
keep reaching out for support, taking good care of yourself and do what is healthiest for you
PINK Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear SR,
Family day went well. We had meetings and speakers. We had a chance to talk.
I did notice that a considerable number of the residents were sleeping in their chairs. I thought that was rude but maybe they were relaxing and taking all the info in. I asked my Very newly RAD what's up with all the tiredness? She looked at me and said they are on Suboxone and they were not "sleeping" but were "nodding off".
She said there were only 3 out of 30 residents (she is one of them) that are not on Suboxone. She had been detoxed off it. How can she work on her recovery when most of the group is "nodding" off? I don't know, it's not my program nor my recovery plan. She said she is very anxious, is bored and is thinking IOP is what she thinks is best. She will stay another 2 weeks and then evaluate her situation with the psychiatrists and therapists. She did look and talk better, engaging in conversation etc. she wants a sponcer closer to home.
This is only the 4th day after detox so no miricle is happening, yet. Not holding my breathe....
I'm atleast not obscessing over this, she has a long way to go to fix herself, I won't be part of that. It was hard to detatch from my daughter, but I did it with love and she understood that. Hope is there. And I'm doing ok.
TF
Family day went well. We had meetings and speakers. We had a chance to talk.
I did notice that a considerable number of the residents were sleeping in their chairs. I thought that was rude but maybe they were relaxing and taking all the info in. I asked my Very newly RAD what's up with all the tiredness? She looked at me and said they are on Suboxone and they were not "sleeping" but were "nodding off".
She said there were only 3 out of 30 residents (she is one of them) that are not on Suboxone. She had been detoxed off it. How can she work on her recovery when most of the group is "nodding" off? I don't know, it's not my program nor my recovery plan. She said she is very anxious, is bored and is thinking IOP is what she thinks is best. She will stay another 2 weeks and then evaluate her situation with the psychiatrists and therapists. She did look and talk better, engaging in conversation etc. she wants a sponcer closer to home. This is only the 4th day after detox so no miricle is happening, yet. Not holding my breathe....
I'm atleast not obscessing over this, she has a long way to go to fix herself, I won't be part of that. It was hard to detatch from my daughter, but I did it with love and she understood that. Hope is there. And I'm doing ok.
TF
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
she can and will get as much out of treatment as she wants to and works for.
when hank went to his last treatment it was September 2001. he was the only resident at the time, and then 9/11 happened. not exactly an ideal set of circumstances!!
personally, i think more time IN the inpatient facility is a good idea, but as you said, this is not "our" recovery, it's HERS.
when hank went to his last treatment it was September 2001. he was the only resident at the time, and then 9/11 happened. not exactly an ideal set of circumstances!!
personally, i think more time IN the inpatient facility is a good idea, but as you said, this is not "our" recovery, it's HERS.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
Twofish, I am so sorry for what you have been dealing with. You and your beautiful daughter are In my prayers............We don't have to be their only solution, Hugs to you stay strong, stay with your meetings and please take care of you....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear SR Family,
Thank you all so much for the continued hope and prayers. It so much helps ME and that is what I'm concentrating on.
The Saturday Family visits are going well. My daughter is opening up to the group and she talks about her progress, she does dwell on past errors in judgement (
) and fears the future...the consequences of the past errors on judgement. All I can say or anyone can suggest to her is our true blue saying...to take one day (hour, minute or second) at a time. To focus on today to learn the tools to regain her (sober) life back, have a STRONG recovery plan and to stop beating herself up over this past relaspe(s).
I saw her today, a special requested visit that the hospital had to approve.
I brought her son to visit "momma"
My daughter cried. I cried (internally) too. She hadn't shown emotions for so many years that it seemed almost foreign to see the tears well up in her eyes as she took her son into her arms, as they held each other (it has been a month since they had seen each other!) I saw a young woman emerge thru the fog that opiates and then Suboxone (not playing that blame game) had held her a prisioner all this time.
Yes she had a choice to "just stop"
but the fear of the unknown, seemed to prevent her from just stopping the drug use. This is one tough disease and the ppl who are able to stop, with help or no help, you all give this momma the biggest dose of hope anyone could ever wish for.
So, all the detox, rehab and this little 2 yr old child, gave this momma, a smile and a reason to believe she can get better, can learn how to control or maintain this disease. Without her momma, constantly enabling her. I am working on that BTW!
Ok, it's baby steps...but it's steps, and that's better than NO steps at all.
I must add..., Friday, my ex-husband had a heart attack, he's 61. He's gonna be ok, he is alive. I still can and can't believe it.
So that is concerning me over what all this "drama and stress" can do to the family members...everyone, please take care of yourselves.
Thank you again, my SR family, for caring about ME and both of my affected daughters!
Prayers, tight hugs and tons of love and support coming right back at the eyes who read this and especially to the eyes who haven't. Blessing, for I feel blessed today.
TF
Thank you all so much for the continued hope and prayers. It so much helps ME and that is what I'm concentrating on.
The Saturday Family visits are going well. My daughter is opening up to the group and she talks about her progress, she does dwell on past errors in judgement (
) and fears the future...the consequences of the past errors on judgement. All I can say or anyone can suggest to her is our true blue saying...to take one day (hour, minute or second) at a time. To focus on today to learn the tools to regain her (sober) life back, have a STRONG recovery plan and to stop beating herself up over this past relaspe(s).I saw her today, a special requested visit that the hospital had to approve.
I brought her son to visit "momma"
My daughter cried. I cried (internally) too. She hadn't shown emotions for so many years that it seemed almost foreign to see the tears well up in her eyes as she took her son into her arms, as they held each other (it has been a month since they had seen each other!) I saw a young woman emerge thru the fog that opiates and then Suboxone (not playing that blame game) had held her a prisioner all this time.
Yes she had a choice to "just stop"
but the fear of the unknown, seemed to prevent her from just stopping the drug use. This is one tough disease and the ppl who are able to stop, with help or no help, you all give this momma the biggest dose of hope anyone could ever wish for.So, all the detox, rehab and this little 2 yr old child, gave this momma, a smile and a reason to believe she can get better, can learn how to control or maintain this disease. Without her momma, constantly enabling her. I am working on that BTW!
Ok, it's baby steps...but it's steps, and that's better than NO steps at all.
I must add..., Friday, my ex-husband had a heart attack, he's 61. He's gonna be ok, he is alive. I still can and can't believe it.
So that is concerning me over what all this "drama and stress" can do to the family members...everyone, please take care of yourselves.
Thank you again, my SR family, for caring about ME and both of my affected daughters!
Prayers, tight hugs and tons of love and support coming right back at the eyes who read this and especially to the eyes who haven't. Blessing, for I feel blessed today.
TF
Glad to hear you are continuing to heal and keeping your boundaries in place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear SR,
Ann is so right...an addicted brain doesn't care much for anything or anyone,
except it's "lover", the drug holding its mind prisioner.
My AD doesn't remember much of the day she ended up pulse less and breathless she remembers sniffing the heroin and the someone doing CPR on her,
then getting a shot or two (it was 2 injections of Narcan)
Normally, or a "normal" person would not be doing heroin, especially if she was to
pick up her son, 20 minutes after sniffing it. In my state, we are having an epidemic
of where the "dealer" are putting Fentynal in the heroin, to get more "customers" it's so sad. Her child could of been in the car if she wouldn't of ODed that day.
I was reading in the paper (ya she made the paper) people's comments on what happened to her that day...absolutely NO support from ANY comments except
why are the EMTs wasting their time on an addict and wasting good money on
two injections of Narcan one uneducated person (on addiction) had the ball to publically say, just let the addicts die of their overdoses..OMG...The public really needs to be educated on the disease of addiction. What if she had diabetics, had a high blood glucose, should we let that person die because they ate too much sugar?
Just venting...
TF
TF
Ann is so right...an addicted brain doesn't care much for anything or anyone,
except it's "lover", the drug holding its mind prisioner.
My AD doesn't remember much of the day she ended up pulse less and breathless she remembers sniffing the heroin and the someone doing CPR on her,
then getting a shot or two (it was 2 injections of Narcan)
Normally, or a "normal" person would not be doing heroin, especially if she was to
pick up her son, 20 minutes after sniffing it. In my state, we are having an epidemic
of where the "dealer" are putting Fentynal in the heroin, to get more "customers" it's so sad. Her child could of been in the car if she wouldn't of ODed that day.
I was reading in the paper (ya she made the paper) people's comments on what happened to her that day...absolutely NO support from ANY comments except
why are the EMTs wasting their time on an addict and wasting good money on
two injections of Narcan one uneducated person (on addiction) had the ball to publically say, just let the addicts die of their overdoses..OMG...The public really needs to be educated on the disease of addiction. What if she had diabetics, had a high blood glucose, should we let that person die because they ate too much sugar?
Just venting...
TF
TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear SR,
My God, where do I begin with this....
RAD is in PHC, the PAWS is kicking in big time, constant, and painful
To watch and listen to.
When she was in rehab. Her husband, couardly and without notice to any of us, was granted 100% custody and
placement ( I understand) but, what did I do? Nothing but love the child
and wait for my turn to babysit and be grandma.
So now my daughter is totally freaking out. She dearly misses her child
and is doing everything rehab and the courts have told her to do.
It scares me how she wants to give up...everything, she believes
is gone now. Yes we know, consequences.
If she relapses, that's on her but to watch and listen to such
hopelessness, is a big red flag and trigger, to her and to me.
It just doesn't stop, every day, in new recovery is so painful.
Please pray for us and for the child. I'm just so sad.
TF
My God, where do I begin with this....
RAD is in PHC, the PAWS is kicking in big time, constant, and painful
To watch and listen to.
When she was in rehab. Her husband, couardly and without notice to any of us, was granted 100% custody and
placement ( I understand) but, what did I do? Nothing but love the child
and wait for my turn to babysit and be grandma.
So now my daughter is totally freaking out. She dearly misses her child
and is doing everything rehab and the courts have told her to do.
It scares me how she wants to give up...everything, she believes
is gone now. Yes we know, consequences.
If she relapses, that's on her but to watch and listen to such
hopelessness, is a big red flag and trigger, to her and to me.
It just doesn't stop, every day, in new recovery is so painful.
Please pray for us and for the child. I'm just so sad.
TF
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Twofish))) You and I have walked this path together for a long time.
My son has overdosed, done rehab many many times, and been lost in his addiction somewhere unknown for years now. We have each prayed for him and your daughter both.
We both learned through a lot of pain and broken hearts and dreams that we cannot save our addicted children, a lesson no mama should ever have to learn.
Your husband survived a heart attack (thank You God) and my husband survived cancer (amen again) and we both realized that there is more to our families than just our addicted children.
And we have each now lost grandchildren to the sober parent...something that broke my heart but yet I commend the mothers who could detach from my son (and that included detaching from me, as my son and I were enmeshed in his addiction for so long).
So in the end, we figured out how to do what is best for our addicted child, to let go, let them learn the consequences and let God do for them what we cannot. And we have accepted, with hurting hearts, that our grandchildren are safer with one sober parent than any place else.
That leaves us...yup, you and me...to try to figure out what is best for us. Oh we know all the "recovery correct" answers, lord knows we have passed out these suggestions for years. But actually DOING what we preach is the hard part...and the only way either one of us can stay sane, balanced and have hearts that learn to know joy and recognize the beauty of the world, once more.
I won't repeat the "doing the do things" here, meditation and prayer, finding quietude in nature or a place where we can find peace, working the steps to assess and help ourselves with where we are today...well, okay, I guess I did just repeat some of them...so sue me.
Let's you and I do this together, and with others who want to join us, let's start today and be mindful of where we let our minds go, of our actions and motives, and in gratitude for all the good things in our lives because there ARE many many good things in our lives.
You and your family remain in my prayers, God has us covered no matter how much we kick and scream. He loves all His children, even His addicted ones, and can do for them what we cannot.
We are mama's walking together, I'll bring the cheesecake and you bring the unsweetened ice tea so we can stop now and then and just breathe and know that life truly IS worth living.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
My son has overdosed, done rehab many many times, and been lost in his addiction somewhere unknown for years now. We have each prayed for him and your daughter both.
We both learned through a lot of pain and broken hearts and dreams that we cannot save our addicted children, a lesson no mama should ever have to learn.
Your husband survived a heart attack (thank You God) and my husband survived cancer (amen again) and we both realized that there is more to our families than just our addicted children.
And we have each now lost grandchildren to the sober parent...something that broke my heart but yet I commend the mothers who could detach from my son (and that included detaching from me, as my son and I were enmeshed in his addiction for so long).
So in the end, we figured out how to do what is best for our addicted child, to let go, let them learn the consequences and let God do for them what we cannot. And we have accepted, with hurting hearts, that our grandchildren are safer with one sober parent than any place else.
That leaves us...yup, you and me...to try to figure out what is best for us. Oh we know all the "recovery correct" answers, lord knows we have passed out these suggestions for years. But actually DOING what we preach is the hard part...and the only way either one of us can stay sane, balanced and have hearts that learn to know joy and recognize the beauty of the world, once more.
I won't repeat the "doing the do things" here, meditation and prayer, finding quietude in nature or a place where we can find peace, working the steps to assess and help ourselves with where we are today...well, okay, I guess I did just repeat some of them...so sue me.
Let's you and I do this together, and with others who want to join us, let's start today and be mindful of where we let our minds go, of our actions and motives, and in gratitude for all the good things in our lives because there ARE many many good things in our lives.
You and your family remain in my prayers, God has us covered no matter how much we kick and scream. He loves all His children, even His addicted ones, and can do for them what we cannot.
We are mama's walking together, I'll bring the cheesecake and you bring the unsweetened ice tea so we can stop now and then and just breathe and know that life truly IS worth living.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Twofish I hope you're able to develop good relations with your GS's father, and resume seeing him and babysitting now and then.
I also hope your AD finds motivation in the chance that she may get access in the future.
I also hope your AD finds motivation in the chance that she may get access in the future.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Twofish- another mamma here who has you and your family in my prayers and is here to walk with you.
As Ann so eloquently wrote:
"Let's you and I do this together, and with others who want to join us, let's start today and be mindful of where we let our minds go, of our actions and motives, and in gratitude for all the good things in our lives because there ARE many many good things in our lives."
..
As Ann so eloquently wrote:
"Let's you and I do this together, and with others who want to join us, let's start today and be mindful of where we let our minds go, of our actions and motives, and in gratitude for all the good things in our lives because there ARE many many good things in our lives."
..
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Twofish,
I am so sorry to hear that your daughter despairs so...it is part of the disease, that sort of all or nothing mentality. It doesn't allow the hope to creep in. The hope that with time and recovery, her child will be part of her life again.
But addicts, they "want their cake and to eat it, too" as the old saying goes. She, like my stepson, does not want to experience the consequences for her actions now that those consequences have arrived.
I pray that she will continue on her path of sobriety and that her love for her daughter will supersede any love she has for the high.
I am so sorry to hear that your daughter despairs so...it is part of the disease, that sort of all or nothing mentality. It doesn't allow the hope to creep in. The hope that with time and recovery, her child will be part of her life again.
But addicts, they "want their cake and to eat it, too" as the old saying goes. She, like my stepson, does not want to experience the consequences for her actions now that those consequences have arrived.
I pray that she will continue on her path of sobriety and that her love for her daughter will supersede any love she has for the high.
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