Hi all, this is my first post here. I've been looking around these forums a bit and the sharing of stories and support has already helped a whole bunch in making me feel less alone in my situation. I have an alcoholic brother, who's become less and less functional over the past two years or so. He's currently not working, has put university on hold and is living with my mum. I no longer live with them, having moved out and across the country for university.
My mum is an enabler to my brother, absolutely. He has no money, so she pays for the roof over his head, his food (going to buy it for him as well as paying for it), and she buys him his drink, too. She is fundamentally scared of him; scared of how he will react if he wakes up and finds there's no wine or vodka in the kitchen cupboards. He has a nasty temper, will shout, scream, accuse, threaten suicide and destroy possessions. He's never physically hurt a person before, but the threat is there in his apparently uncontrollable anger and that's enough to keep my mum in check and stocking him up with everything he wants.
The situation feels hopeless; I understand fully why she does what she does, even though the more she does it, the worse the situation is gonna get. I'm scared for her, because I also don't trust my brother wouldn't hurt her. He won't seek help because he's not reached his rock bottom yet, and my mum won't let him. Whenever I've talked about this to her, how she needs to kick him out and stop letting him live off her, she says I don't understand. that he's her son and she couldn't bear to see him living on the streets and that he won't cope on his own. She's extremely depressed. She can't even sleep at night because my brother keeps a nocturnal schedule and will wake her up in the middle of the night, accusing her of not having bought enough alcohol for him/having hidden alcohol. One night recently she woke up to him taking a hammer and destroying the refrigerator, angered because she had allegedly stolen a burger he had left in there (she hadn't. He had eaten it but forgotten).
I feel so bad for her. I feel so angry at my brother, even though I'm trying to understand and see this as a disease, it's a struggle to extract his addiction from him as a person (he's never been exactly a selfless, thoughtful person so it's really difficult to know what to think).
Anyway, thank you for letting my vent. This community is great