Husband prefers AA to home
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
Husband prefers AA to home
My husband is approaching s year of sobriety. I was told by others that he would have a more balanced lifestyle off work/AA/family by now. He seems almost addicted to AA. Goes to 5 morning meetings and 5 evening meetings per week and chairs 1 or 2 groups per month. When he is here, he just lays on the couch and watches movies because he needs "down time" He says that is what he needs to stay sober. I told him if he wants to continue this marriage we need him around more mentally and physically. How do I get him to work towards balance? This is not the way I want to live my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome, starken.
it can be frustrating and sad when a person trades addictions, lives a fear based program, or really hasnt worked the steps with a sponsor. a sponsor would point out that meetings are good, but going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholism. a sponsor would point out in the bb
none of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe.
how do you get him to work towards balance? im not sure if thats possible as that is on him- its his responsibility.
10 meetings a week and not working on the family life has me thinkin there hasnt been stepwork with a sponsor being done.
it can be frustrating and sad when a person trades addictions, lives a fear based program, or really hasnt worked the steps with a sponsor. a sponsor would point out that meetings are good, but going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholism. a sponsor would point out in the bb
none of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe.
how do you get him to work towards balance? im not sure if thats possible as that is on him- its his responsibility.
10 meetings a week and not working on the family life has me thinkin there hasnt been stepwork with a sponsor being done.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
Sobriety does not mean growth or a balance in life..perhaps al-anon could help you, there is support threads here as well. It is easy to be an arm chair expert. Well perhaps not me- my family disowned me, so am learning about balance. BUT I do agree- there is more to sobriety than just seeing to be doing. Also - apart from AA- there IS life.
My empathy and support to you.
My empathy and support to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
How do I get him to work towards balance? This is not the way I want to live my life.
well, you can't GET him or MAKE him do anything. this isn't about asking him to take out the garbage each tuesday, that would be a single action. what you want is for his outlook and motivation to CHANGE and that is up to him.
you can certainly TELL him how you feel. you can tell him you think about the way his scales are tipped. but you can't make him CHANGE.
or make him WANT to do things, if he does not WANT to do them.
after a year sober, we are getting into "what you see is what you get" territory. i'm not saying that sobriety doesn't continue to grow and develop or that people just stop transforming. but if he hasn't noticed he has a family by NOW........well.........
well, you can't GET him or MAKE him do anything. this isn't about asking him to take out the garbage each tuesday, that would be a single action. what you want is for his outlook and motivation to CHANGE and that is up to him.
you can certainly TELL him how you feel. you can tell him you think about the way his scales are tipped. but you can't make him CHANGE.
or make him WANT to do things, if he does not WANT to do them.
after a year sober, we are getting into "what you see is what you get" territory. i'm not saying that sobriety doesn't continue to grow and develop or that people just stop transforming. but if he hasn't noticed he has a family by NOW........well.........
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