Adult Son of Alcoholic
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: East Coast
Posts: 83
Adult Son of Alcoholic
My 22 yo son was recently separated from the military for an alcohol incident (less than 180 days without veterans benefits). Thankfully no one was hurt, no DUI. It was (I pray) the wakeup call he needed. He plans to enter a 28 day residential treatment this week.
His father and I divorced when he was 12. For 4 years prior life was REALLY difficult at home b/c his father was REALLY drinking A LOT. For 3-5 years after the divorce he was unemployed, drinking til I thought he might die of alcohol poisoning, not paying child support and tormenting son with late night drunk phone calls. For the past 7ish years things are o.k. He's sober, working the program, employed, paying child support. Regularly seeing children who are now teens and young adults.
Yesterday exH, son and I were having a discussion about upcoming plans and exH made the comment "People like you and I..." I watched my son physically bristle and look away from his father. It's sick to think but in some weird way, I believe exH finds this "chip off the old block" comforting.
Am I imagining things?
Any insight, especially from ACOAs is greatly welcome.
qwer1234
His father and I divorced when he was 12. For 4 years prior life was REALLY difficult at home b/c his father was REALLY drinking A LOT. For 3-5 years after the divorce he was unemployed, drinking til I thought he might die of alcohol poisoning, not paying child support and tormenting son with late night drunk phone calls. For the past 7ish years things are o.k. He's sober, working the program, employed, paying child support. Regularly seeing children who are now teens and young adults.
Yesterday exH, son and I were having a discussion about upcoming plans and exH made the comment "People like you and I..." I watched my son physically bristle and look away from his father. It's sick to think but in some weird way, I believe exH finds this "chip off the old block" comforting.
Am I imagining things?
Any insight, especially from ACOAs is greatly welcome.
qwer1234
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Hmmm..........I don't know that he would find it comforting. He may feel somewhat good that after the shaky past, there is some experience that he can convey that might be helpful. Your son's reaction may be somewhat.........."I am not like you".
This may be a result of the inner denial that there is a similar problem. I have discussed my past with my son to an extent. I want him to know that if there are ever issues, that I am available. Course he says now, as did his sister, that he will never drink, never take the chance. I really can't say about your ex, but I know I would be comfortable helping my son if he ever needed it, but needing it would be anything but comforting for me. I hope he does not have to experience what I did.
This may be a result of the inner denial that there is a similar problem. I have discussed my past with my son to an extent. I want him to know that if there are ever issues, that I am available. Course he says now, as did his sister, that he will never drink, never take the chance. I really can't say about your ex, but I know I would be comfortable helping my son if he ever needed it, but needing it would be anything but comforting for me. I hope he does not have to experience what I did.
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