PlentyGood

Hello, I have posted here on a few occasions about my alcoholic younger sister. She is now 41 and I'm 44. My sister is much worse, actively drinking all of the time. She still goes to my parents to "detox". My parents have learned to detach a bit and not check up on her constantly. I do think my father is still checking. He has alcohol abuse issues and I don't think he will fully detach and leave her to figure it out on her own and there's nothing I can do about that.

I was quite naive in the beginning but I've learned a few things. I'm still learning.

1. I have stopped talking with my sister when she's drunk. She doesn't remember the conversation and I am left with stress.

2. I am not her counselor. I cannot heal her or help her reach an epiphany.

3. Arguing and trying to uncover lies is pointless. Alcoholics lie and that's okay.

4. Focusing on my peace, my daily enjoyment of life, my husband, kids, friends, hobbies and activities has been wonderful. I no longer discuss my sister's alcoholism or daily dramas with my parents, husband, or coworkers and life is more peaceful. Sometimes I will catch myself going days and weeks with not worrying or talking about my sister. I still talk here and there but it is not the main focus of my life.

5. I work to focus on myself and try to mind my own business. I am better at not reacting and accepting things as they are. I think there will always be this codependent side of me that I need to deal with. I've been doing a lot of yoga. It has helped me a great deal. I am more calm. I am better at accepting life as it is.

6. I still get very sad at times. I'm sad for my sister and this terrible addiction she is living with. I get sad when my father finds her passed out in her running vehicle or when my mom texts to tell me she's passed out in their backyard, face down on the lawn. I mostly have hope but I have seen her get worse and worse and I'm afraid she will die.

Thank you for these forums and allowing me to share. I have not been great about posting in other threads because I was in crisis mode. I hope I can contribute more as I become mor emotionally healthy. I'm still struck with so much pain and sadness for my sister but overall living my life and focusing on myself.

Morning Glory

Wonderful lessons PlentyGood and good reminders.
I'm sorry we all have to learn those lessons.
I have to constantly work on acceptance. I still want to jump in and try to save my son at times. The fear of them dying is the hardest to deal with.

Maudcat

Thank you for your great post, PlentyGood. I too have alcoholism in my family--my father--and an alcohol-dependent sibling who, Wait for it!, lives with my mother! I swear, the situation is around every corner. I have saved your post and will reread it when I need to. Thanks again. Peace.