faithnlove13

My husband has completed his 6 month in house treatment and will be coming home in a few days.I am having a hard time regaining trust after everything that has happened. The reason why I say this is one he has already gotten in contact with one of his old dealers,listens to songs mainly about drugs,skipped meetings when he was able to come home for a week. It seema like he is falling back after all he says he will never go back down that road. He has been stressing big time lately and yelling at me telling me it is none of my business to ask him questions about what time i nees to pick him up on the day he is to come home, when he doesnt get his way he goes into a rage and just seems like the old cycle is repeating. He is affraid of relapsing and has told me that he will leave me before that happens as if it is my fault for his drug use...i dont kniw what to do. I feel like if dont speak to him about reality he is fine but the moment i talk about finacial stuff (as he asked me to) then he gets angry. He wants everyhing handed to him as well. I know if he relapses I am gone but what should I do to help him in the mean time?

cairn

Personally I would change my phone number. Sounds like another rehab joyride. No change in character.

You got kids?

faithnlove13

One

maia1234

F,
Do you really want this angry addict back in your life?

What have you done for you, while he's been gone??

MrSmith

I agree, one thing that you will find from the other addicts/alcoholics on this site is that our BS meter is finely tuned to easily see through all of the tricks and lies that we used to tell to get to use our drug of choice. I would be very wary about letting him back into my life. He doesn't sound like he has had his moment where he clearly and humbly sees what he really is....I have 298 days of sobriety, and I still have days where I feel some real guilt about how I have wasted part of my life being a drunk. I am thankful to my wife for letting me prove to her that I changed, and make it up to her for all of the grief that I caused her, and to have the chance to re-kindle our awesome love affair. But all of that doesn't happen, if you don't change fundamentally..... I am scared for you.

faithnlove13

Honestly, if he wont control his anger and addiction then no I will throw our 17 years down the drain. He has been an addict for a year and it seems as if now that he is clean he get angry easier. He was the sweetest most loving person before all this crap. With him being gone I have only kept to myself,work and take care of our daughter. I havent had any me time persay or actually done anything for me these last 6 months and that is one thing I regret the most!

faithnlove13

Everything has been smooth until this last month when he found out he was coming home and of course at the beginning of treatment when he was detoxing. He has told me he doesnt want to come back to our town ans doesnt want to face his mistakes. He has even mentioned that he is worried about relapsing. But that is still no way to treat me after everyhing I have done and atood by him. I am just confused and lost i guess. Because one minute things are fine next its not

maia1234

F,
Just like mrsmith stated above . "I am thankful to my wife for letting me prove to her that I changed, and make it up to her for all of the grief that I caused her, and to have the chance to re-kindle our awesome love affair". Hon, this is recovery, not your angry "dry" drunk you are letting back in your home. Recovery is seen, not told to you that he is "sober".

My question above , what have you done for yourself while he was away... have you educated your self about addiction? Have you read any of the stickies in the friends and family section of this forum. Have you gone to any alanon meetings, or met with an addiction therapist? Addiction is a family disease, he is not the only one that has been affected. You need some help, also. Your little daughter needs one healthy parent.

Please read and figure out what you want to do. As hard as it was to be alone for the last six months, do you really want this addict back in your home. He is obviously not working a program. They say addicts need to grow up, sober up and work a program, is he doing that? Or is he sober and still has the dry drunk, angry man mentality. You do not have to live that way. I know you dont want to give up 17 years, but don't be like me and waste 34 years of your life, hoping your addict will see the light.

Take some time, tell him that you need 6 months of him back at "home " (but not in your home) so you can see if he is truly getting his act together. He already nervous about coming home. You will not allow the crazyness back in your home. You need to set up boundaries to protect yourself and you can learn how to do that by reading this forum. It is going to be on your terms not his. Please try and do this before you get sucked back into the hell of living with an addict.

Sending many hugs to you my friend. Ask any questions there is a lot support on this forum. You might find more activity on the friends and family forum.

faithnlove13

Thank you!I have attended Al anon but then eventually stopped going after about 4 months due to the late meetings in our town and trying to keep our daughter on her school schedule. I just found an earlier meeting about 20 minutes from my house which I will attend this afternoon.

August252015

Me. too.

Prayers for your self-protective decisions.

breath

Alanon. The Three C's. Work your own program
You didn't Cause it. You can't Control it. You Can't Cure it.

I'm surprised that, after such aalong rehab, he's not committed to a stint in a Sober Living Home for transitionn & relapse prevention,